It has been in the plans. An idea to look into once we were in the house. We talked a bit more here and there about it and the next thing I know it was a warm Friday afternoon in October and there was a stranger in my back seat. She had four furry legs and she would let out a bark every now and then as she tried to climb in the front seat with me. 5 miles down the highway I had to pull over and tie her to the back seat for the safety of both of us.
I kept glancing in my rear view mirror wondering what the hell I had just done. The husband had been out of town all week and suddenly there was a 13 week old black lab puppy licking my very clean windows. I had grown up with these dogs but never in the house and they always went in the back of the truck. They weren’t meant for indoors or truck seats. Apparently this one was.
I’ve always wanted a dog and with winter settling in I argued with the Husband that the sooner the better. Who wants to potty train a puppy in the dead of Winter? Honestly, the house has been too quiet and he has been out-of-town a lot. My determination got me exactly what I wanted and suddenly she was here to stay.
Her name is Fenway. That isn’t even a made up blog name, nope, that is the real thing. Over two weeks into her being with us and she is pretty much potty trained. The Husband thought I would learn a lot from her, things such as patience, the ability to let go of my OCD a bit, the chance to slow down my pace in life a bit and breathe. Which I have to say she has in some ways. When I come home from work I’m not barreling into the next project consuming my brain. Instead we are walking through the fall chill sniffing up whatever bugs are left. It has made me let go a bit on the OCD side because I can’t mop the floor every time she gets a drink of water. It just isn’t realistic. Who knew?
Biggest bonus, she brings some life to the house when the Husband is working long hours. I can yell at the Red Sox game and she can bark. Downside, she can crop dust someone with the best of them. On Saturday mornings we pile on the floor together and catch up on the DVR. Since she isn’t allowed on the furniture we tend to never use it any longer.
I still question my sanity some days when she is barking relentlessly at me when I’m in the shower. Or when she insists upon jumping directly into the dishwasher every time it is open. It is a good thing she is cute. I suppose we will keep her.
When the Hubby and I decided to ditch the goalie we were going for a “throw caution to the wind” type of scenario. We just figured we would wait and see and trust the timing of it. But the clock has slowly kept ticking and here we are, one year later and no closer to having a baby.
Apparently there is something kind of big about the one year mark. It means something, it is a sign. It means there is more depth to the question asked by every family member “When are you going to have a baby?”
So we start wondering, why isn’t it happening?
I’ve been ignoring the reminder in my email saying I need to schedule another doctors appointment. I know the doc is going to ask questions and we are going to have to have these conversations. I just didn’t want to turn it all into a “thing.” You know, I just wanted to not have all this “stuff” involved with getting pregnant. I just wanted to have too much wine one night, have kick ass sex, and a few weeks later say “so honey, you know that one night with the bottle of Syrah I always drink too much of?….” You know, what normal people do because if a 16-year-old can accidentally do it, why can’t I?
But then you go to Google. Oh, Google. There you can find plenty of people who will inform you that you are clearly broken if you have hit the year mark. This is where I recommend you don’t Google anymore. Instead I broke down today and made the appointment. The doc is booked for regular appointments until December so I feel like I bought myself some time.
As a couple we haven’t had this talk yet. What happens if it we don’t get pregnant? What happens if there is more involved with this than what we thought? What if nature just doesn’t take its course? For all I know there could be nothing wrong and it will happen when it will. Still, the Husband seemed uneasy when I said I booked an appointment.
I’m not freaking out yet but for the first time I’m putting the questions out there and feeling like we now need to put some effort into this. It’s a whole new category.
It seems everyone has a time of year that just works for them. A month where you can look back over time and know that a lot of life has happened in that 30 day window for some reason or another. Mine is October.
Most of the relationships I have had in my life started in October. I can look back at first dates and first kisses that happened when the leaves were changing. There have been a lot of motorcycle rides down highways lined with bright leaves. There were countless trips to New Hampshire where I never packed enough warm clothes. There have been crisp evenings around bonfires with blankets and quiet rainy nights inside meant for up all night talks. I even met my husband in October and we married in October. Every October I welcome these memories that normally lay dormant in my head the rest of the year. I can look back and reflect on happy times and see how far I’ve come. The month is normally quite busy for me, every weekend full of something yet, I find the balance I tend to struggle with throughout the year. I actually feel like I slow down more.
Last October may have been my busiest yet. I visited blog friends in Chicago, I went to fall festivals and traveled to Mexico to get married. This first year of marriage has absolutely flown as it all feels like it was yesterday. On the other hand, there are those friends I miss dearly and I can’t believe it has already been a year since we have shared laughs and drinks.
You know what they say, the older you get the faster life gets. Since my divorce I have always felt the need to hurry up. I didn’t know what I was always hurrying towards but I think it was the chance to catch back up to the rest of the world. Date, marry, build a home. Well, it has all happened. So this October I’ve been trying to not hurry up so much as I have been trying to stop and breathe in life slowly. I’m enjoying how far I have come and where life has placed me. For once I’m okay with the silence. This October has given me some peace within myself and that is something I didn’t know how bad I needed.