28 Weeks – Long Weekend Away

Last weekend we took a 3 day weekend with Rebecca and went a few hours south.  This trip was originally planned months ago with 4 other families to a water park.  The three of us planned to go on our own to a baseball game while we were down there as well.  Originally, I thought it would be an easy weekend away even though I was pregnant.  Hahahaha, that is fucking hilarious.  I was wrong. I’ve mentioned before that I knew we were just not meant to be babymoon people and this past weekend proved that we were so right.

Friday night we headed out to a baseball game.  The heat index was 115 degrees, the humidity was impossible to walk through and there was zero breeze to help.  Welcome to the Midwest.  We headed into the game, dressed in as little as possible, thinking that surely we wouldn’t have seats in the direct sun.  Wrong again, we did.  We spent a small fortune in bottled water, sucked it up and took our seats.  This is where I will admit, I love that heat and humidity and have handled it really well in this pregnancy.  Baby even took to rocking out every time the music was cranked for a new batter up.  My lovely Rebecca, however, does not handle it well.  She turns into a melting, whiny, child anytime the temps go over 70 degrees so she was a delight throughout the evening.  Somehow we managed to not be one of the people hauled out on a stretcher during the game but did walk back to the truck looking like we had properly pissed ourselves and smelled like hell.

Showers were a welcome sight at the end of the night.

The next day we joined the other families to head to a water park.  Eight kids between the ages of 6 months and 13 years, followed by 7 adults, trekked into this place.  I will spare the details and say water parks may sound like a good idea when you are hot and pregnant but they aren’t. Especially when the walk, with this tribe, was 30 minutes from our parking spot till we found chairs. There was absolutely nothing I could do after that but sit and hold down the fort by watching all the bags, strollers and chairs.  Even getting into the main pool to cool off posed a danger I never thought of,  300 crazy kids, with flailing limbs and my bump.  I was so worried about taking a direct kick or hit that I didn’t manage much more than a few quick dunks.  The slides, adult pool, wave pool and lazy river were all out as well due to the amount of people.  Have I mentioned the amount of people?  I mean, A LOT.  A lot of people means the water feels like piss.  I didn’t see a very long line for the bathrooms when I was there.  Deduce what you want from that.

On more than one occasion I was saddled with a child to watch while one of my adult friends went to the bar or just in general, ran off.  By the end of the day I was tired of babysitting, my feet were swollen (even though I merely sat), tired of having zero fun, tired of people, and really confused on why the general population of people have no idea how to properly dress themselves in a swim suit.  Also, I needed some real food and was hangry.  My Husband and Rebecca completely understood when I asked if they were good to go.  Some of the other adults were not as understanding as they were losing their babysitter and they thought I was being a party pooper.  I am never the party pooper and that caused me to feel like a giant ass as we trekked back to our truck.  I was tired of being pregnant and not myself.  Vacationing was not fun pregnant and that was that.

We rallied our evening with showers, dinner, and watching a baseball game in the hotel bar with a bunch of other fans, while eating desserts the size of our heads, with my feet up.  If you can’t have alcohol you might as well have cheesecake. Hours later the rest of the group came piling into the hotel with over-tired, not fed, burnt and screaming children.  I was not jealous  of them. Late that night, the three of us,  headed to our room and watched the Harry Potter marathon till everyone fell asleep.  It wasn’t perfect but it was a get away and my Husband reminded me that he really owes me a real trip next Spring.  You know, when I’m not pregnant.

Finding Hope, Having Faith

I had a completely different post set for today that was not at all serious.  Today doesn’t seem like the appropriate day to post it though.

Yesterday a friend texted me, saying that she was really struggling.  Basic off day that we all experience, where the world feels like it is against you.  Kids, job, marriage, appearance, etc. She told me she felt horrible complaining because they were minor things and life could be worse.  She knows people who are having a much more difficult and trying time in their lives, that she shouldn’t complain, it could be worse.  All I could say to her was that yes, while she is correct, there are more worse case scenarios, your problems and feelings are still real, if you need to vent you should.

Last night I couldn’t sleep.  If I got an hours worth of sleep total, I would be amazed.  The past couple of weeks I feel like most of my friends have mentioned some pretty big life struggles to me.  As I laid in bed, I started saying silent prayers for them and realized the list was just growing.  My friends are not all going through small things right now, some are huge, and in that moment I felt overwhelmed.  The feeling of not knowing how to help is scary.  I’m a fixer.  I want to do something, anything and when there is nothing to do…..well, it sucks.

Small or huge we all have struggles, tough life choices, paths that we are sent down for unknown reasons and things that happen beyond our control.  If you are that person right now, small or large, I wish you hope.  I wish you friendship from someone who can listen to you, support you, be a shoulder to cry on and laugh with.  I wish to you faith, even when you are screaming to God.  I wish to you the ability to find a way to breathe in and out each day.  I hope you can find the positive in each day even if it is small and the good in people when it seems there is none.  I wish that you would understand the strength you are capable of having to get through to the end of whatever life is dishing out to you.

The world can be a pretty lonely place sometimes and I am grateful for the friendships that I have made, some from the oddest places, that have helped picked me up at my worst times.  If you know someone today that maybe just needs an extra high five, smile, or prayer, please do that.  Something is better than nothing and sometimes just knowing that someone is out there and they care, well, it can make a difference.

 

27 Weeks – GD Testing

The joy of hitting 27 weeks (or around there for some) in a pregnancy is the lovely gestational diabetes test.  If you don’t know exactly what this is about then I can tell you it is where you drink an orange drink and more of you will nod your head in understanding.  If you still don’t understand, then let me tell you the basics.  They test you to make sure that you do not have gestational diabetes, which can cause major harm to you and your baby if it goes undetected.  Normally this goes away after said baby enters the world but something you want to know about.  They test you by having you drink an orange drink that everyone and their brother will make you dread trying.  From there they do a blood draw and let you know later in the day what the outcome is.

For some reason I was really getting worked up over this test.  I’m not a big sugar person but this baby is her father’s child and I have eaten candy corn like everyday is Halloween.  That is a lot of sugar to me.  So I was slowly convincing myself that I was going to have GD.  The night before the test I inhaled candy corn assuming the worst case scenario-I wouldn’t be able to have more.

We went in last Friday for a perinatologist appointment, which was another big ultrasound to check baby’s growth.  The timing of downing my orange drink had to be very specific so I was to drink it before starting the ultrasound and then get my blood drawn an hour after.  I’m not going to lie, Rebecca and the Husband both took a tiny sip of the drink out of curiosity.  I had five minutes to down the drink but took 30 seconds while my two assistants there sang me a pirate song.  For those dreading this drink, it seriously is not that bad.  Sugary and flat.  Down it and life goes on.

We spent the next 45 minutes watching our little nugget dance in circles once again as she has no idea how to sit still through one of these.  She made the tech work for every measurement but the doctor came in and confirmed with us that her growth is right on track and everything looks good.  She currently weighs 2lbs 9oz.  We will do one more growth scan in 6 weeks.  This means I can continue on my current heart medication and we don’t need to change it up as it doesn’t seem to be affecting her growth.

We then went down to my doctor’s office for a quick check with her, blood draw and were out the door for a three-day weekend get away.  On the way out-of-town the nurse called to let me know the good news- no GD for us! Candy corn all around! I breathed a huge sigh of relief and had a much better time enjoying our weekend away.

27 Weeks- Information Overload

When you are pregnant with your first baby it seems like there is so much to do in a small amount of time.  You have watched your friends and family members go through this point in their lives and now it is your turn up to the plate.  You imagine how you will raise your kids, how you will handle pregnancy and everything else in between.  Where do you start?  What do you do?  Who has the answer?

I mentioned this at the beginning of my pregnancy, and now a week shy of my third trimester, I’m going to reiterate, everyone is different. What your cousin’s, third uncle’s, twice removed, donkey did for their pregnancy is not what you may want or need to do in your pregnancy.  There is an abundance of information out there in the form of groups, forums, books, articles, etc that will tell you the perfect way to raise your child/be pregnant and they will also tell you how you will likely screw up your kid beyond belief.  It is a lot.

My doctor gave me a folder of articles at my first appointment along with a book about pregnancy through birth.  I haven’t cracked open either and don’t plan on it.  I didn’t even go out and buy the classic What to Expect When You are Expecting book.  I failed in the book reading department is what I’m saying.  I’ve kept it to classic beach reads instead.  If I have had questions, I have asked my doctor or a trusted non-judgmental friend, fully realizing that this is just what works for me.

I’ve been judged by plenty of people, don’t worry.  I haven’t had to adjust  my workouts in yoga, pilates, cardio, or piyo yet and have overheard people talking about me outside of classes.  I’ve had people make comments about my weight gain either to my face or behind my face.  I’ve had people drill me on my birth plan and then critique it.  But I’ve done the most important thing for me-I have listened to my body, done what has worked for our lifestyle and worked with my OB/perintologist/cardiologist on a game plan.  At the end of the day I’m comfortable with that and what I’m doing for my pregnancy.

Fortunately, every pregnant woman can agree on one thing- everyone else can just STFU.  Unfortunately, I don’t feel like enough pregnant women stand up and support one another.

It is easy to get down on yourself for the choices you are making or how you are going about things without everyone else adding to it.  The other day I realized I have yet to pull out a children’s book and read to my bump.  I do however talk out loud way too much to myself and sometimes to her in general.  Instead of listening to soft baby lullabies, I drive with the windows down and sing at the top of my lungs.  She kicks me and I poke her back.   My Husband and I do not spend hours softly talking to bump, while laying in bed together.  In fact, Husband came home after an 18 hour day yesterday and slept on the couch for fours hours before going back to work.  Are we failing at bonding with her already?  The internet will probably say yes but we are just rolling with what we have.

Put down the judgmental eyes.  Put down all the information.  Quit with Google.  It can suck the life out of you and if you are already pregnant, you know that kiddo (or kiddos) you are hauling around is already doing a good job of sucking the life out of you as it is.  You can’t live up to what society wants, so quit trying.  There are no perfect answers out there.  Plus, we would be a very boring society if we did all settle on one perfect, ideal image.  We all want to do what is right for our bodies, unborn babies and children already here.  I get that.  So just do that.  Lower your expectations, put down your phone, go outside, and enjoy the day.  No matter what you are doing, I bet you are doing it right, so give yourself a pat on the back for that.

Strength

27 Weeks- Concerts

I knew going into this summer that I wouldn’t spend it like I have spent most summers.  That is just reality.  There were a few things that I was seriously looking forward to though and last weeks Kenny Chesney concert was one of them.  Now, if you don’t like him, or live under a rock and don’t know who he is, then you are wrong and I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.  If the Husband would let me name this little nugget, inhabiting my body, Chesney, I would do it.  He won’t, I tried.  Moving on though, concert.

I’m a member of the fan club (quit judging), which got me floor seats, about 20 rows back, with a few others who joined me.  We also made a lot of new friends of the drunk variety by the end of the night.  I pulled on a new KC t-shirt over bump, got a couple of bottles of water and proceeded to dance, sing and scream at the top of my lungs with my new-found friends.  I smelled like a keg by the end of the night, the bottom of my shoes were sticky with God only knows what, my voice was hoarse and no one was near their seats as we all mixed into one big dance party.

Not only was the concert just pure greatness, as always, it was a few hours that I could lose myself a bit.  I could feel normal and the focus wasn’t on impending baby.  You don’t realize how much your life slowly becomes about that. People want to ask you questions, it is an obvious go-to topic, and you are suddenly labeled the pregnant person in the room whether you want to be or not.  I can’t escape it.  Sure, it is nice every now and then but I just want people to talk to me about something unrelated sometimes and not stare at my bump at the same time.  I don’t want people putting their judging eyes on me, treating me like I’m breakable, and acting like boundary lines don’t exist.  I’m over it quite frankly.  So for one night, it was gone, and I enjoyed every fucking minute of it.

How did baby do?  From the moment the music started pumping, she didn’t stop moving and grooving.  She literally went non-stop until we hit the bed at 2am.  She is truly my kid.  That 6am alarm sucked pretty bad but I was grateful for one thing, the lack of a hangover that I surely would have had if I wasn’t pregnant.  The good news is, the next concert that comes around, I will have all the rum and happily take the following day off of work to nurse my hangover.

 

26 Weeks – Baby Registry

It has been no secret that I have not enjoyed this pregnancy.  There isn’t a lot to look forward to besides getting bigger and well, obviously, someones arrival.  The one thing I have kept focused on is the day I got to go start our baby registry.  Sounds so small but for me it was an exciting thing to look forward to.  That day finally came over this past weekend.

We are having two baby showers towards the end of August and I felt there was no better way to celebrate my birthday this past weekend than diving through a store with a scanning gun.  We chose Babies R Us and Target to register at.  I would have actually done Buy Buy Baby over Babies R Us but ours is not done being built.  We chose to do two places as not everyone has a Babies R us near them, nor do some people want to make the trek into one.  It can be overwhelming.

To prep for this day I printed a registry suggestion list from Babies R Us website.  I went through the list and crossed off things that I knew were a waste of money, not needed for our family, or were already purchased (carseat/stroller/furniture.) For the larger items i.e. swings, bassinets, etc, I did some research ahead of time online so I had an idea of exactly what I wanted to register for after I was able to see/touch the item.  I knew this would make going in a lot easier.  I also wanted to avoid mindless registering, which is what we ended up doing on our wedding registry, and I feel that is how you end up with really expensive, random kitchen items, that stay tucked away in the pantry.  We don’t want our house littered with baby items that are used very little or not at all.  I have a decent memory of what we used with Rebecca, granted every baby is different, but it helped.

So off we went, the moment the doors opened at Babies R Us (to avoid crowds) and were handed our scanning gun by a helpful lady at a desk who explained all sorts of fun things.  I can say it went fairly well and we made a large dent in what we wanted to register for.  We had a good time together and laughed our asses off for much of it.  It was eye-opening to the Husband, to say the least.  You can say we are not very “Team Pink” by any means and if you didn’t know better, you would think we were having a boy or didn’t know the gender based on the amount of gender neutral items we chose with a few truck prints tossed in, courtesy of my construction Husband.  And dog printed stuff.  I think stores need to be a bit more gender equal on animals, dogs are not just for boys and cats are not just for girls.  Needless to say, if we have a boy one day down the road all of these items would still work.

After some lunch to refuel we headed to Target and that was the beginning of a disaster.  Let me start by saying, Target is my mecca.  Who doesn’t love a good cruise through that place?  The youngest girl to ever work at Target customer service handed us a scanner, said all directions were on the scanner and walked away.  Huh? After a struggling set up on the damn thing (It listed myself as the role of father) we headed to the baby section.  I was saving smaller, basic items for Target.  (Sheets, onsies, lotions, etc) To start with, we almost threw the scanner because it refused to do its one main job.  Then it would delete something we did scan or error out.  Plus, the choices were so damn slim in store or the shelves were bare.  We ended at the alcohol aisle where I indeed register for rum but not my rum of choice because that one refused to scan.  Points to the friends who will purchase THAT bottle.

We finally sat in the middle of the diaper aisle, feeling exhausted, listening to a Dad in another aisle ask his young son if he wanted the blue balls over and over.  We are so inmature, we laughed our asses off.  Defeated, we decided we would just go back to Babies R Us, next weekend, to add to our registry for everything that Target greatly lacked.  Oh, Target, how you disappointed me.  And yes, we could add more online but I live in the midwest, where to this day, not all people have internet and for those that do they sure as hell aren’t going to order anything online.  Just being realistic here for our kind gift givers.

With that I went home, got online and changed my online Target registry profile to list me as the mother, instead of the father.  So far, we are nailing this parenting thing.

25 Weeks- Swimsuit shopping

Every summer you can find me rocking one of my recent Victorias Secret bikini’s, no shame in my game.  I could find any reason that I needed to be bikini clad, instead of fully clothed, when the temperatures crept up in the hot July days.  Fast forward to this summer and nothing has happened in a swimsuit at all.  I’ve kept to loose tanks and shorts to catch some sun and called it good enough.  I soon have to end that streak as we have a large group of us, dragging our kids, to a large water park in two weeks, when I will be 27 weeks pregnant.  If this was a trip to the river or a backyard pool party, I would have no problem just tossing on a bikini and calling it good enough.  However, a place full of families and judgmental women changes my stance on what I should wear.

Yesterday I mustered the courage and headed to Target to start my search for a swimsuit.  I was trying to find my old confidence, recently boosted, and was determined to not cry in a dressing room.  I immediately went from the normal  bikini’s and proceeded a few steps back towards the one piece options, something I haven’t looked at since I was around 14 years old.  I grabbed a handful of one piece options, a few tankini’s and then headed to the maternity options, grabbing a few cute choices that I had previously checked out online.

As I pulled on the first suit I realized how much I just don’t know my body right now.  Just last year I could grab or order any swimsuit and was 95% sure of how it would fit me.  I stood in that dressing room and turned circles, praising Jesus that I have kept up with squats and burpees, as I was faced with those horrible mirrors.  Seriously Target, better lighting and mirrors, I’m begging you.  Baby kicked and I could see it in the mirror.  I laughed, took quick pics to send to my Husband, instructing zero laughter to be had and only truth be told to me.  This was not a time to lie about how I looked.

Three trips to the dressing room later I realized tankini’s covered bump right then but may not in a few weeks.  Maternity swimsuits fell down when I pulled them on and one pieces have come a long damn ways over the years.  A coral one piece it was in a size medium, slightly too big but room to grow in the next few weeks.  I held my head high as I checked out, feeling accomplished.

I even went home to try it on for the Husband and my sister, who I made sure would not lie to me, and then they approved.

One more pregnancy hurdle attacked and conquered.  I’m slowly gaining confidence as my second trimester is quickly coming to an end.

This is where I wish I could tell you, from one pregnant person to another, all about confidence, keeping your head high, how much you will love being pregnant and embracing your body.  I was that person, prepregnancy, that people would ask to work out with.  I loved to help boost confidence levels and make women feel good about themselves and now I’m in a completely different boat.  Opposite side of the fence, if you will.  So I do want to apologize if you come here looking for the rainbows and unicorns of pregnancy.  Some women have it, I do know that and I applaud those women.  Seriously, cheers to them.  I am just not going to fake being one of those women because you know what, for 9 months, some of us just can’t be that person.  Pregnancy is hard enough, no need to fake your feelings through it.  So if you don’t want to rock a swimsuit and would rather a parka, do it.  Whatever makes you comfortable, just do that.  There is always next summer.