32 Weeks – Finding a Pediatrician

You don’t realize the ever growing list of “to do” items that suddenly creep up on you when you are pregnant.  Some are easy to tackle and others, well, I would assume ignore.  For some reason finding a pediatrician was one of those I really wanted to ignore on the list.

I wish I could give you a reason why.  Perhaps it is because we have had such a hard time with our vet.   Yes, I’m comparing my soon to be newborn to my dog.  I have stressed about my vet, clashed with him, and in general it has caused tears.  I kept thinking, if I can’t even find a vet I like, how will I find a pediatrician?  Just googling pediatricians in the area is enough to make your head explode.

We live in a very small town and could easily choose to just see a family doctor at our local clinic.  If my Husband or I are sick we just go to that clinic and use their walk in service that they have 7 days a week and we see whatever doctor is on call.  After living here for 15 years you know the doctors and they are good enough to me to diagnose a sinus infection and write a prescription for an antibiotic.  However, we wanted a more specialized pediatrician in the city for our nugget.

I started by asking around for referrals from friends and family and made a list from there.  We knew we had a few requirements-young, from the area, woman, clinic in the city, preferably in the hospital where I will deliver, was ok with me not breastfeeding and ok with chiropractic care.  It was the part where we had to go in and sit down with these docs that I was truly dreading.  I was unsure of what to ask and so forth.

With some nudging from my Husband I made a few calls and set up times to meet with a few doctors.  Yesterday we met with our first one and an hour later walked out with her as our pediatrician.  Cut to the point, we are not meeting with any others.  I am a big “gut feeling” person and both my Husband and I just knew.  There were zero red flags, we had a great conversation, we agreed on a ton of topics, she met all of our requirements, and I wanted to hug her when we walked out.  Could it have just been that easy?  The Husband and I stood in the parking lot trying to come up with a reason to meet with other docs just in case but we couldn’t.  Why not just call it good and cross this “to do” off the list.  So we did just that.


32 Weeks – Baby Shower #1

Back when my Husband and I were married, we didn’t have a bridal shower.  I had been previously married and him and I were having a destination wedding.  I was very uncomfortable having a shower, even though some said I should, because I felt like my family had already been there, done that for me.  We came back home and had a large reception where, and I’m not trying to sound selfish, we did not exactly cash out in the gift area.  Just a truth but I know it was the second wedding curse and my Husband got the shit end of that.  I told him we would make up for it on the baby shower end one day.

Fast forward to those days finally being here.  A day my mother has been dreaming about for a long time.  They were some of the first words uttered by her when she realized a baby was on the way….baby shower.  Truthfully, I kind of dreaded them.  The traditional  games of bore, girly oohs and ahhs, measuring your bump, tea and cake and a bunch of women re-telling their times of being pregnant.  I’m not bashing if that is your thing, it just isn’t mine.  My Husband and I had other ideas.  I had to come to a compromise with my mom and quick.

My mom lives a few hours away and we decided on having two showers.  She could throw the traditional one with our friends and family there as long as it didn’t involve games.  My sister and two friends would be throwing one where we live now that is co-ed and in a party room at a local sports bar where all of our friends and my Husbands family could join us.  A time to just see all of our friends, eat, drink and have a good time.

This past weekend was baby shower number one hosted by my mom, with the help of her good friend, who also happened to be there for our wedding in Mexico.  As the day came closer I got more excited than I thought I would.  Once again, feeling like this pregnancy was getting somewhere.  That there was a light at the end of this weight gaining tunnel and I would get something out of all of this.  What I wasn’t prepared for was how completely overwhelmed I would be.

The turnout was amazing.  The women that showed up were amazing.  The gifts were amazing.

It was like our wedding reception all over again.  Every time you turn around someone is demanding your attention for a conversation.  I felt like I was being pulled in a million directions but in a happy way.  Mom kept up her end of the deal and there were no games.  We ate, had cake and I survived opening the gifts in front of everyone.  (Just not my thing.  It makes me nervous.)

We went back to my mom’s that night and I showed my Husband everything.  It was exciting to see things come to life for us, give us more realization that she is actually coming soon and we get to use all of this soon.  We all settled in the kitchen and my brother and SIL said they had one more gift for us that they didn’t feel was appropriate in front of grandparents.  It was a onsie that said “My Mom doesn’t want your fucking advice.”  Nailed it.  So us.  They then asked me to read the card out loud that came with it “Baby _____’s cousin will be arriving March 14, 2016!”  They are expecting.  To say we are all shocked is an understatement.  It was unplanned but very happy news and I’m pretty sure my Mom’s head exploded right there with happiness.  Our kiddo’s will be 5 months apart and I am beyond thrilled.

Looking back on how the weekend went, I can say I am so happy with how we chose to do things. I am beyond appreciative of what we were given, who helped out, the kindness and thoughtfulness of people in general.  To come together to celebrate something great with family and friends, that you don’t normally see, is a rare moment these days since everyone is so busy.  I sat there with my maid of honor, who I have been friends with since I was 10, and our two girls between us and realized just how fast life goes.  You think about these days happening some time down the road and then when they do, it can be shocking.  Life is a quick journey and you really do have to stop, slow down and breathe it all in.


From the Aisles of Target

Last week school started around our area.  On the first day of school, I found myself in the school supply section at Target, digging for a binder and any other things that looked like I might require them while on sale.  I noticed the high school aged girls a few feet from me, staring.  They were the type that wouldn’t have been friends with me in high school, no I wasn’t that cute or popular.  I assumed they were normal, 17 and staring at the pregnant lady.  I found what I needed and went around to the next aisle, stopping at the end cap, just out of their vision because, clearance.

Then I heard this “Could you imagine starting school being that pregnant! How embarrassing! Did you see that?!  You can’t hide that at school!”

Emphasis on that.  Like I’m the size of a damn elephant.

Then the giggles started, from me.  Did I just hear that? My initial thought was to walk back around and ask if they could narrow down just what type of first day of school I just cleared? Are we talking senior in high school?  Junior in college?  I don’t even care that they acted like I was going to give birth to a litter of cows.  Please just narrow down what grade I’m in so I can tell my friends!  Thanks for thinking I’m not just 33, pregnant, twice married, once divorced, and carrying a mortgage with my name on it.  Thank you for ignoring the wrinkles around my eyes and anything else that shows my age.

Instead I went down the next aisle, held in my giggles but also thanked God that I’m not starting any form of school because you honestly couldn’t pay me enough to go back to high school these days.  I barely survived the first time around!


31 Weeks – Hormones

It seems when you become pregnant you are not allowed to simply have a bad day.  You cannot just wake up on the wrong side of the bed after no sleep, spill coffee on your shirt, forget your lunch on the counter, get cut off by an old person driver, show up at work late, and just have a bad day in general.  No.  Because you have a bump protruding from your middle people look at you, throw up their hands and yell something about a hormonal pregnant lady.  Everyone else seems to be able to chalk their attitude up to an off day but as the pregnant person, they assume hormones and walk a circle around you.  Quite frankly, I’m sick of it.

Prior to being pregnant and just being a normal woman, who had her monthly visit from Aunt Flo, I thankfully never had PMS or any other mood swings associated with the time.  It came, it happened, it left, I got on with life.  I have never been able to blame a bad mood, bad days, binge eating or any other symptom on PMS.  I’m not saying it doesn’t exist though because my sister and mother have those batch of hormones.

What I’m saying is I never yelled at my Husband and then had to later go back and apologize, using the PMS reasoning.  I just had to apologize for taking out my bad day on him.

But now, at 31 weeks pregnant, I will say I know I do have some hormonal days and I own them.  I know they could be worse and mine are mild but I do have days where I feel like I got a new batch of hormones because I can cry at a Pampers commercial or at the fact that I don’t have cupcakes in the house.  I can tell the difference between a bad day and a hormonal one.  One would think pregnancy is a perfect excuse for a bad attitude day or reason to scream at someone and blame hormones but not me.  In the past 31 weeks I’ve just had bad days that have nothing to do with being pregnant and everything to do with life.  Because life still happens while you are pregnant, news flash, I know.

So what is with society (and I’m more specifically looking at you men) wanting to assume everything that happens to a woman, that is not 100% rainbows out of her mouth, is a form of hormones?  I’m sick of the excuse, people thinking it is funny, and using it as the butt of a joke.  Male and female, we all have our bad days where comments are said and actions are done that we later regret because of the mood we were in.  That mood can depend on a million things happening because truth be told, that person that just cut me off in traffic, may be having a much worse day than mine and honestly didn’t mean to cut me off.

Hormones are not the answer to everything when you are pregnant or not pregnant as a woman.  They are just the answer some days.  So before you offer that excuse to someone, remember you could be putting them down and it isn’t funny to point at the pregnant lady or your upset *wife and scream “hormones!”  It could be that you are being an ass and hurt that persons feelings or they woke up on the wrong side of the bed, stepped on a lego and just need a hug.

*Sidenote- My Husband has been stellar about not using the hormone excuse.  Others in my life, not so much.



August 19 – a day of HOPE


For all those out there who have lost a baby. They will never be forgotten and I hope you all find what heals you.

Originally posted on Awaiting Autumn:

Today is August 19 – a day of HOPE – hosted by the Carly Marie Project. The inspiration for today is to break the silence about infant and pregnancy loss while honouring the lives of our children who left us too soon.

Participants are encouraged to make a prayer flag in memory of their child(ren), then share photos of it on social media.

I didn’t get a chance to make a flag to honour Emme, but I did share one of the project’s awareness images on my Instagram with the following statement:

“Some people think that having a rainbow baby in your womb changes everything. It doesn’t. You don’t ever forget. You simply learn to live as the “new you” – a mother to two children, one Angel; one on his way. You know that life can change in an instant, so you become more grateful for your blessings. You feel…

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31 Weeks- The Nursery

Putting together our baby’s nursery was something I really looked forward to when we were TTC.  I happily pinned idea after idea on Pinterest for the perfect nursery and figured from the word go, on being pregnant, that I would be decorating and redecorating baby’s room till my heart was content. I watched other friends slowly put their nurseries together over the years and thought “Why aren’t they doing this sooner, faster, this way, that way?!” I’m a type A person, I’m a planner, I’m organized, and above all, I would be prepared!  After all, isn’t working on the nursery one of the perks of hauling around the kiddo for 9 months?

Fast forward to reality and this pregnancy.  My old self laughs at my current self.  There was the major situation of finishing our basement so my sister could move down there.  In the mean time she used my office and soon-to-be nursery as a storage facility while sharing a room with Rebecca.  There was no way I could nest or even plan a nursery with contractors in and out, boxes scattered about and nothing remotely where it belonged.  Bottom line, it has been chaos.

I would read other blogs where people had their entire nursery ready to go by 20 weeks.  Over achievers.  Family and friends often asked what I had left to finish up on the nursery and what the theme is.  Snoopy.  People stop over, glance at the closed-door and asked to see the nursery.  Nosy.

Then something happened.  Two weeks ago I kicked my sister and her two cats down the steps to the basement.  Don’t worry, they landed on the nice, new, carpet.  I emptied everything out of Rebecca’s room, the office and the living room to have professionals come in and clean the carpet.  We drove two hours and picked up the baby furniture.  I then purged the closets of unnecessary crap, dusted everything, put everything back in its spot, had the Husband paint the nursery, put the furniture together and started feeling progress.  We stood in the office that was no longer an office.

It was happening.

A place to house our nugget.

It felt real.

When I hit my second trimester I did make one purchase from ChildrenInspire on Etsy and I knew I would base the nursery around this one thing.  Peter Pan inspired.

Peter Pan

Over the past couple of weeks I have gone back over my boards on Pinterest and spent a small fortune on Etsy. A few things include this wall quote from Peter Pan, which is now above her crib.

Also, she has a large, double window along one wall that this quote will go above.

I’ve let myself finally piece together what I have been lightly thinking about for this nursery.  I may have mentioned we are not entirely “team pink” people,  even though we are having a girl.  I have never dreamt of pink walls, glitter and lace.  It isn’t us. Instead we are going with yellow and gray bedding and so forth that has the stars and moon.  Tying everything together to create a bit of a fairytale, a bit of dreams, and a bit of imagination.

I’ve gone through Rebecca’s old totes of baby items.  While there isn’t a whole lot to re-use from 13 years ago, I did pull up her old books that I saved.  It felt good to place them back on a shelf, remembering the ones that used to be her favorite.  I went through the piles of stuff that we have bought or have been given.  I sorted, made lists, hung up clothes, double checked my registry.

Here I was on the third trimester and finally able to do something major to prepare for our nugget’s arrival.  I had this weird feeling, sitting on the floor in there last night, that something actually comes out of this pregnancy thing.  It sounds strange, I know, but this will soon come to an end and it will actually be worth it.  The reality that there is actually a baby at the end of this is starting to become more and more real, not just an idea, dream or something we talk about for the future.  I will actually lose this growing bump, will be able to go back to sleeping on my stomach, have all the wine and as a bonus, get a baby that hopefully doesn’t get her Dad’s big nose or my huge forehead.  There will be a mini us to put in the crib and dress in all the clothes we have been slowly acquiring.

That feeling right there, that was what I needed right now.  The third trimester has been such a bitch, slapping me in the face and I needed a moment that says I’m not doing this for nothing, not just someone telling me.  I’ve just had nothing to show for it and for some reason the nursery is my reality.  Truth be told, I’m glad I couldn’t work on the nursery so soon.  It gives me something to do now.  Some purpose that I can work on while the Husband is still trucking along on the basement.  (There is still an entire bar, entertainment center and bathroom to start!) And with baby showers just around the corner, I have a place to bring all the presents back to, instead of a corner in storage!

So our house officially has a nursery, the start of her room for as long as we live in this house, a place that is hers.  It is weird to be making space for a new human that we haven’t met yet.  All I know of her is how she loves candy corn and is a night owl.  So far, so good.  Hopefully she is cool with her room too.

30 Weeks – Staying Fit While Pregnant

We had a sub come in that day, a sub I’ve worked out with several times.  I was busying myself with getting my mat out while the sub asked the class if they would prefer to stick with basic yoga, as that is what the class is, or try piyo, which is what she regularly teaches, a class normally offered on a different night.  A few people were new to the room and asked about what piyo actually entailed.  The instructor finished her description and from the back of the room, where a few new women were huddled, one smugly said “Well, is that something the pregnant chick can actually keep up with? If not, we can just stick with regular yoga.”  The same one who eyed me funny since I had walked in the door.  Something I have gotten used to at classes and at the gym as my bump has grown.

The room fell silent.  I looked up, knowing all eyes were on me, the regular class participants had looks of horror on their faces and I met the instructors eyes in the mirror.  She smiled largely and enthusiastically replied, “The question is, can you keep up with the pregnant chick?  Let’s compromise with half yoga and half Piyo for the evening!”  With that she started class and I gave her a small nod, thanking her.  I feel horrible admitting this but I had a chuckle to myself when we were halfway through sumo burpees and that smug lady had stopped, hands on her knees, to catch her breath, while I kept going.

When I became pregnant, I had a long talk with my OB about my workout schedule and staying fit through out my pregnancy.  Quite honestly, my biggest fear was having to quit any of my classes and having to go to prenatal workout classes instead.  I’m not knocking them at all, they are great if you would like to stay fit during your pregnancy, but for a person who regularly works out, I felt like I was taking 10 steps backwards and knew I would quickly be frustrated.  My OB assured me that she had dealt with all levels before and it would actually hinder me to just give up my workout schedule for prenatal workout classes.  I was so relieved.  I promised her I would listen to my body, modify as need be, and would be realistic.  We discussed how staying fit while pregnant would likely make labor easier, keep the chances of a c-section down, would mentally keep me sane during the pregnancy and would help my body bounce back better afterwards.  I had my marching orders from my OB, fit to me and I was going to stick with that, screw what anyone else had to say.  After all, I am only pregnant, not disabled and I couldn’t picture myself sitting around on the couch for 9 months.

In the beginning, nothing really changed but then slowly things have.  My regular instructors and I used to take classes at random studios, trying out new things.  At around 15 weeks I did quit doing that figuring it was safer to stick with what I knew.  Slowly I have noticed how much more bump gets in the way.  It will take me longer to get into a groove or position while I adjust to whatever works that day.  Sometimes the baby just has no desire to cooperate and will kick me or move me around herself till she is comfortable.  Obviously, anything lying on my stomach is out but I’ve just modified and some days my balance feels more off than others. Yes, I have continued with core and ab workouts, some even done on my back. (Approved by the doc)  We have been chugging right along though, yoga classes, piyo classes, pilates classes, home practice, elliptical, hikes and walks.  My main goal is to just get off my ass and move each day.

Fast forward to this week and I felt like it all went to hell.  My tailbone is literally being more of a pain in the ass, my feet have been killing me and I struggled more than I have ever struggled in class this past Monday.  I felt like I didn’t know my body, that everything was giving up on me and I felt huge, fat, you name it.  I had weighed myself that morning and was shocked that in one week I had gained 2lbs.  The most in one week yet and I think my body was trying to adjust. I came home from that class and announced that obviously I was done, couldn’t do anything else and would remain on the couch, crying till the day my water broke.  Slightly dramatic much?

Then I went to class Wednesday night and nailed it with a few modifications that did not require tears.  I also had a come to Jesus discussion with myself (again) that this is the time the baby has to start putting on the pounds which in turn means I have to as well.

It is hard, don’t get me wrong.  There are some days I want to talk myself out of working out.  I want to use pregnancy as an excuse.  I want to throw in the towel.  There are days I feel I know nothing about my body.  I will get the judgmental looks and comments from people at the gym or on the streets.  The comments that I should be at home, with my feet up, not shaking my baby around in utero through class.  But you know what, I feel better afterwards.  It has kept me sane, it has kept me moving, and I know it has been what has been best for baby and I at the end of the day.

I have at least 9 weeks and some days left to go and my plan, as long as I can do it, is to keep working out and modifying as need be.  Even if it is just walking around the block it is something.

So if you are debating on what is safe or not during your pregnancy I strongly urge you to talk it over with your doctor.  Once again, the important thing to remember, is everyone is different.  Sure, if you have never been a gym rat before, now is not the time to take up crazy classes but there is still plenty that you can do.  Your body and sanity will thank you.

As for that smug lady that came to class last week, I haven’t seen her back at the gym since.