4 Weeks Postpartum – Feedings

As I mentioned before, I made the decision to bottle feed Cora and not breastfeed.  I have not had any moments of regretting this decision, even after my milk came in and dried up.  I have to say, I even had worry about how the nurses and others in the hospital would treat me for my choice but no one said a word.  Even when the lactation consultant stopped in, she was happy to answer any bottle feeding questions I had.

From the word go, Cora has been an eating champ.  We have been quick to get her on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule during the day and anywhere from 3-4 hours at night.  Once the third week hit, however, I noticed a lot more runny diapers and she started spitting up a lot more than normal.  I gave in and called the nurse who had us come in right away.  Cora checked out fine and had still gained weight since the prior week that we were in there.  The decision was made to change her formula.  We had started her out on Enfamil Newborn and switched to Enfamil Gentlease.  We also added some probiotic drops.  At a week later it seems to be helping.

We also made the decision that only my Husband or I would feed her for the first month or two.  Most importantly this gives us both the chance to have that special bonding time with her.  Obviously I’m with her all day so when my husband comes home, he feeds her in the evening.  She pretty much has two night feedings so we each take one.  I won’t lie, it really helps my frame of mind to be able to share the responsibility of feedings with him so not everything is falling on my shoulders to take care of.

I have to say, out of everything, this has been the easiest to tackle with her.  I can say, at the end of the day, I know my child is fed, full, growing and happy for it.  Isn’t that the most important thing?

Bringing Home Baby Cora

It was about 36 hours after I had Cora and I stood there in the hospital lobby with two other nurses, waiting for my Husband to pull the truck around.  It was exactly 13 months to the day from when I sat in that same lobby, after my D&C and wondered if I would ever be able to leave that hospital with my own baby.  It was such a surreal feeling to be able to put her in the truck and bring her home.

It was just as shocking to be leaving the hospital.  It felt like I spent most of my pregnancy waiting for that hospital stay.  Perhaps it was the unknown of what was going to happen once we walked through those hospital doors.  There is constant talk about how and what labor will be like.  You pack and re-pack for the stay.  Preparing like I did for my wedding day and worry about the chance of rain.

As my OB came in to say goodbye and take a picture with Cora, I was overcome with emotion.  We were at the end of this journey.  The journey of getting a baby here safely.  We had spent years going to doctors appointments in this very hospital.  Months waiting for this baby and here we were being set free.  It actually feels strange to know I’m not going back until my own 6 week follow-up.

When we got home that day, we settled right in.  We had a few visitors and I rode the adrenaline high.  The first night, I didn’t sleep at all.  I fretted over her while she slept in her bassinet next to our bed, perfectly content.  Fenway stood watch all night as well, peering over at her every time she made a noise.

My Husband stayed home for a week and then my Mom came the following two days after that.  Then it was just Cora and I, on our own during the day.  I will say my Husband going back to work was much tougher than what I anticipated because, hormones.  Here we were, snuggled in our own world with our new little one, and suddenly he was leaving us. It wasn’t so much that I was worried about being on my own as I was worried about him missing out.  The precious first week together was already coming to an end.  So every day after that when he came home from work I would burst into tears.  They were happy tears but tears none the less.  I’ve managed to pull my shit together this week though as we continue to work into our new normal and my hormones seem to be a bit more in check.


Her Birth Story

Well here we are two weeks postpartum and I’m finally getting around to sitting down and writing the obligatory birth story of our daughter.  Due to anonymity for this blog, I can’t tell you her name but on here she will go by a name that was on our list of possibilities at one point.  On October 20th, 2015 at 9:23 pm we welcomed a 7lb 4oz baby girl you shall know as Cora.

Like you, I’ve read a million birth stories.  Most of them scared the crap out of me and half of them I didn’t read to the end out of fear.  It seems some mothers want to out do the next mother on how horrible their birth experience was.  I can’t say mine was horrible.  I would do that day over and over again instead of the 9 months of pregnancy.  There, I said it.  In fact, I think we had a great experience.  Here is the nice long story.  How is there no way to shorten these things?:)

Due to the fact that we spent my whole pregnancy worried about Cora’s size, I was scheduled to be induced on my due date of October 20th.  I was more than ready and at that moment I was sitting at 3cm and 80% effaced but still had yet to have any contractions.  I couldn’t sleep the night before, not that I had been anyways, and got up at 11:45 to stuff my face full of food as I was not supposed to have anything after midnight.  I was seriously more worried about this no food situation than anything else.

By 5am we were on the road and heading in to the hospital with our bags that had been packed for weeks.  It was a bit surreal as I had been worried about this drive and whether or not my husband would be around or if I would be laboring in the truck or whatever else my brain could come up with.  Instead we were just taking a trip into the hospital, him stopping at the gas station for a few energy drinks, and then us taking a selfie in the hospital parking lot.  We went to the second floor, where we were escorted by what would be our first nurse, into my room.   I proceeded with the strip down to the hospital gear, answered a million questions, signed a bunch of legal jumbo, and turned on the morning news.  A Pitocin drip was started by 7am and we were set free to roam the hallways with a rolling IV stand.  So hallway walking we did.  We roamed with the other couples, giving the full laboring ones space.  We took a picture of the sunrise in front of the window and I waited for something magical to start.  It did not.  My nurse eventually fetched us so my doctor could come break my water around 9:30am.

Let me just say, the breaking of the water, gross.  Flood.

After 20 minutes, I was free to roam the halls again.  That is where the contractions started and my brain went to what I know best, yoga breathing.  We walked, I stopped for contractions, breathed, we walked.  Eventually, the walking became too much as I didn’t have much of a break, if any, in between contractions, so we went back to my room.  I was fine standing and laboring for quite some time.  I heard the nurses whispering with my husband but I was so focused, I didn’t know what they were talking about.  At one point I was told I could sit in the recliner which sounded nice but proved awful and I suddenly realized I just couldn’t keep up with my contractions.  I wasn’t getting a break it seemed and therefore, I couldn’t catch my breath at all.  Someone finally said I could get my epidural, the lovely man was in the room next door and I said yes.  The 15 minutes waiting for that amazing man to walk into my room was the worst 15 minutes of my entire labor.  Come to find out, that whispering everyone was doing, was because I was having rolling contractions with no break in between and it was wearing me down fast.  Also, not normal.

So the great drug man came in and unfortunately my husband and the nurse had to hold me down, as you aren’t suppose to move for this damn epidural business and my contractions were intense.  There was some cussing and my husband would later tell me how huge the needle was but I didn’t care.  I wanted all the drugs and maybe some rum too.  10 minutes later I was in heaven and wondering why everyone doesn’t just have themselves an epidural a day!

At that moment I was 6 cm and we settled in with a new nurse for the afternoon.

This is where I sound like a dork but we seriously had a really lovely afternoon.  We watched a Sex and the City marathon, took naps, ate jello and drank more Sierra Mist than I ever have in my life.  This is where the baby started to have problems and wasn’t digging the whole labor portion of this.  Her heart rate would decline and a million other doctors and nurses would come flying in to help my nurse out.  I was moved from one side to the other and sometimes to all fours, which is a treat when you can’t feel your legs.  Sometimes I got a lovely oxygen mask to match.  Her heart rate would always come back up and honestly, I never panicked.  Our hospital team was so amazing.  Turns out the whole reason she wasn’t tolerating a lot was how her cord was wrapped around her chest.

My doctor was in and out most of the day to chat and check my progress.  She finally came back in about 7:00pm and decided I could start pushing.  Yay!

I pushed for a little over two hours with just my nurse, doctor and husband with me.  In between contractions we talked about our fur babies, wine, the upcoming Holiday’s, and everything in between.  It made things stay that much calmer in the room and helped me keep my energy level up for pushing.  (Pushing is no joke, it is a damn workout!)  Eventually my doctor broke down the bed and said we were about to have our baby here.  She called for a baby nurse to come in but there were 7 other women pushing at the same time on the floor and we were told one would be sent shortly.  However, one would not make it in time.  The last ten minutes of pushing I just let my body do what felt right and the next thing I know she was put up on my chest, wide eyed and flailing.  A baby nurse walked in a few minutes later wondering what happened so fast.

There were a lot of tears as this stranger, who looked nothing like what I anticipated, sat squirming away.  Eventually she had to be passed to my husband while they cleaned up my business. (Second degree tear apparently.)  I got to watch for the first time as he held a baby and gave her a bottle.  They both settled right in and for the first time in 9 months he really got to understand what I have been feeling.

It was all love at first sight.

Eventually we let in our parents, my Grandmother and sister to see the baby for a quick moment.  After we kicked them out I had some problems with feeling dizzy and nauseous so it wasn’t until 1am  before they took us to our room.  It was the oddest feeling to have the nurse finally close the door behind her and then there we were, me, my husband and a baby, in the dark and quiet room.  She was here.  Finally.  Just like that.  And since then, it has been nothing but perfect.

39 Weeks- The End is Near

Last week I started my maternity leave from work.  Starting it early was one of the smarter moves I have made.  It was about that same time that I started not being able to sleep very well due to being so uncomfortable.  I can tell you I have spent the majority of the time walking, hiking, doing yoga and cleaning to the point that there is nothing left to clean.  I’ve also read 4 books and received numerous phone calls from my husband asking if I am in labor yet.  I’ve also answered many texts, emails and phone calls from friends and family wondering the same thing.

The up to the minute answer is – no, at this moment, I am not in labor.

As I mentioned before, our perinatologist does not want this baby staying in past the 40 week mark which happens to be next Tuesday, the 20th.  But hey, no one thought she would make it to 40 weeks anyways.  We were all planning on an early arrival.  She has certainly proved us wrong.

Each appointment I have gone in for I have proudly found my body progressing.  While I have yet to experience any contractions or Braxton hicks contractions during this pregnancy, I have still managed to get to 3cm dilated and 80% effaced.  At yesterday’s appointment I also had my doctor go ahead and do a membrane sweep.  No biggie.  She said 50% of women go into labor within 24 hours of having that done and since I was already making progress she wouldn’t be surprised if she saw me in L & D within few hours.  Good thing I didn’t hold my breath for that.  A few hours later I was out hiking with my dog feeling absolutely no different.  In fact, I slept a bit more comfortably last night.  No change. I’m going to say I am not apart of the laboring 50% but hey, didn’t hurt to try.

My doctor did give me an eviction notice just in case the baby didn’t want to cooperate like we thought she might.  The eviction notice looks something like directions on being induced at 7 am next Tuesday.  Also known as, the end of the pregnancy!  I was more than happy to carry that piece of paper out of the doctor’s office like it was my get out of jail free card!

You know, I cannot look back on this pregnancy and say “Hey, that went by fast!” No, it did not.  I’m quite sure turtles passed me.  BUT, I can finally tell you a few things I am grateful for in this pregnancy.  I went into this really dreading all the horrible things people told me would happen.  Let me tell you right now, just because one person experiences something in pregnancy, does not mean that you will.  So if you are reading this at 12 weeks pregnant, breathe, not every bad thing will apply to you.

  • While I gained more than I thought I would, and I really, really struggled with gaining the weight, I did gain the minimum.  I did not gain 70lbs.
  • I kept up with my main workouts as long as possible and found alternatives when it was time.  People really made me feel like I was horrible for it but I’m proud of what I can still manage to do in my yoga practice with a beach ball in the way!
  • I did not pee myself or shit myself in public or private.  I will not get overly detailed about this but lets just say nothing bad has happened in the excrement area, thank God.  No hemorrhoids, constipation, leaking or anything else you can think of.  Just an increase need to pee because you know, all the water.  (150-175oz a day if you want to know)
  • I have no stretch marks.  I used Palmers cocoa lotion everyday but have nothing else to offer in that area.
  • While baby’s head is currently low and giving me some vaginal pressure, I have yet to waddle.
  • I’ve had my hormonal bad days but nothing that has scared off my husband or caused him to ask for a divorce.
  • I have not had problems with varicose veins rearing their ugly head.
I’m now moving on to people giving me more of their horrible birth stories at a pace that says they are running out of time to attempt to scare me.  Apparently I should be more nervous and for some reason I am just not.  Labor is part of it and it is called labor for a reason.  But you know what, it is a moment that will end and life will move on.  I will hopefully escape that moment with little trauma.  Rest assured I will be back to tell you all about it.  Right after I hold my baby girl and have that glass of wine.  Cheers!

38 Weeks – Perspective on Parenting

As the days drew closer and closer to our wedding date, three years ago, people offered up all sorts of advice.  Some I found quite amusing seeing as I had already been married and divorced.  My Husband started to get annoyed by some of the age old comments and advice and was ready for the wedding itself to come and go so he didn’t have to hear it anymore.  Mainly he was tired of hearing how his life was soon to be over and I was tired of hearing how eventually this marriage would be no different from my first.  It was a lot of the “Oh, you just wait.”

I remember having many conversations about this with my Husband prior to our wedding.  Everyone has a different perspective to share about marriage.  Some don’t have the best perspective to share due to their experience and others do have valid points to the advice that they give.  Truth be told my Husband and I have managed marriage pretty well on our own terms.  His life did not end when he said “I do.”  He didn’t lose his right to speak or have an opinion and I didn’t take away his toys.  In turn, this marriage is nothing like my last and I don’t regret getting married for a second time.  I will never say marriage is easy but I like to keep in mind the good days and not the nights where I’m yelling at him to once again take out the trash.

Parenting is much like this.  You spend 9 months with a growing belly, instead of just a sparkling new diamond on your finger, and everyone wants to offer you advice.  Unfortunately, once again, a lot of that advice ends with how your life will never be the same and it is essentially over.  Along the way we have found who among our friends is in the supportive circle and who just wants us to join their pity party.  And remember, this isn’t my first rodeo at parenting so I don’t want to hear the “Oh, you just wait.”  Once again, I’m not saying parenting is easy but I like to remember all the good days with Rebecca and not the nights she puked up bottle after bottle on me because holy acid reflux.

Remember that perspective thing?  It keeps happening every time a life event happens and my Husband and I are going into this parenting thing on our own terms.  And you know what, I don’t think our life is going to end.  I don’t think our lives are going to be over.  We are not going into parenting together freaked out, concerned and stressed.  But that is our household.  Our family.  How we handle things.  Which may be different from your story, your household, your marriage, your newborn phase.  And that is okay.

Everyone talks about supporting one another but do we?  We stand on the outside of someones home assuming we know whats going on in the inside.  It feels like people are watching to see your marriage fail so they can say I told you so.  It feels like they are watching your parenting to say I told you so.

I know my Husband and I will weather tough times in our marriage just as we will weather tough times in parenting, just as we have weathered tough times in this pregnancy but that is what we signed up for.  There are good days and bad days, not the end of days.  We did not sign up for unicorns shitting out glitter.  We are choosing to be positive about what is in our near future because we have been on the flip side.  We have also watched a lot of our friends go through some incredibly hard times in parenting lately.  Things that no parent should have to do and decisions that no parent should have to make.  It has given us perspective.  Yes, even perspective on not getting such a long shower and having some sleepless nights because life could be worse and these phases end.

We all have a platform on our blogs to vent, to discuss, ask questions, and show support.  I have blogged in real terms, to me,  what my pregnancy has been like for me and my Husband, knowing damn well what the alternative is.  Prior to my pregnancy, I have written about my marriage, in real terms and prior to that I wrote about my divorce in real terms.  I will continue to write about our journey in parenting, not covered in glitter and edited photos but real life for us.  Outside of this pregnancy story I have shared with you, I have still carried on with a life, friendships, marriage and managed to get my laundry done.  This pregnancy has not stopped our lives from happening.

So here is to the next phase in our lives and the next phase in the lives of many of you who read this.  Go into that phase how you choose to and make it a happy positive one.  We are lucky to have this opportunity.  Just remember, the bad days will pass, and your life is not over.  A new chapter is just beginning to add to your story.

37 Weeks- Clear for take off

I have hit the mark that all doctors want you to hit.  I got a high five from my perinatologist, on Tuesday, for it.  37 weeks.  We are at the point where they quit talking about keeping the baby in there and start talking about when the baby comes out.  It is a very surreal moment, I must say.  We made it.

The good news is, the baby is still growing, although still on the small side, he said it is nothing to worry about.  We will not have to make another trip back  to the perinatologist and he will talk things over with my OB, who I see on Friday.  His main thing is that he does not want me to go beyond my due date, which I am completely fine with, and my OB will discuss a game plan with me at the next appointment.  And with that we were out the door and it suddenly felt like our time with him flew by.

It is October.  The month we were married.  The month we met.  The month we will welcome our baby.  The month everything always happens in my life.  Where would I be in life without all my Octobers?

My family has gotten to this point, where if I don’t answer my phone, they assume I’m in labor.  People are starting to make the “Aren’t you about done!?” comments.  I’m finishing up my last week, and longest week ever, of work.   I’m just over all of this pregnancy stuff and ready to move on to the next phase of this.  I can say, I will forever give a 9 month pregnant person all the space and forgiveness in the world because the struggle is real my friends and I officially want my body back.  What I’m saying is Dear baby, you are clear for take off and we are ready for you.




Things I Am Looking Forward to Post-Pregnancy


With the end in sight to this pregnancy, there are several things I am starting to look forward to, aside from having my baby here (obviously).

  • Alcohol.  All the wine and rum.  While I have had a few small glasses of wine here and there, I’m ready for a big fat glass or three of wine.  Especially when we are out to eat.  I just miss wine with my food or having a glass while sitting outside with my husband when he smokes cigars.
  • Sleeping on my stomach.  I have adapted to side sleeping but I’m ready to flop on my stomach.
  • Sex.  Eventually the brakes were hit on our sex life during this pregnancy. I was completely unsure, going into pregnancy, how we would handle our sex life because everyone has told me different stories.  We miss sex, is really all there is to say on that.
  • Not being a target.  I want my boundary lines back.  I don’t want the stares from people, the hands touching, the questions, the comments.  I just want to be another person walking around Target.
  • Having a normal conversation.  The bump is a go-to conversation when out with friends but there is still more to me.  I have other things going on in my life, contrary to what I tell you on this blog and I’m cool not talking about my baby.
  • Being able to keep up.  Whether you like it or not you hit this wall where you just cannot keep up with your friends.  You look ridiculous, at 8 months pregnant, joining their after dinner happy hour at the bar.  I’m not jumping on a boat right now or going out for any girls night because I’m too busy thinking about my blood pressure.  I’m ready for a care free night out.
  • Being able to book a trip.  We have been holding off booking a trip to an island until the baby comes.  Because, responsible parenting.  I’m ready to have that trip lined up and begin the countdown to that.
  • Work outs.  At 34 weeks pregnant I had to say good-bye to my classes at the gym.  Due to swelling, blood pressure and a few other things I had to get real about staying safe and just doing workouts at home.  It is mentally one of the hardest things so far.  I’m already missing it and ready to get back to normal workouts.
  • Being able to get in my bed.  It is tall, I am pregnant.  I look like a high centered rhino getting into bed some nights.
  • Being able to get out of bed.  I can still kinda use my abs to roll myself over but it takes more work everyday.  This maneuver is what we call a turtle on its back.
  • The ability to put on my shoes, towel dry off, put on lotion, shave my legs, switch the laundry, and a million other things that are so damn tough right now.
  • My vagina.  I haven’t seen it in a few weeks and I’m sure I won’t want to see it for a few weeks after but hey, I look forward to seeing it again one day.
  • Wearing my wedding ring again.  That came off two weeks ago.
  • Regular clothes.  I see them all there in the closet, staring at me.  I want to be rid of all maternity clothes or regular clothes I have stretched out:)  Same goes for shoes.  I just live in my flip-flops instead because, fat feet.
  • Sushi.  Just kidding, I don’t eat sushi.
  • Knowing the unknown.  We are in that territory where I wonder constantly about when the baby will come, how, etc.    I’m ready to have that part done and over with so it just becomes part of the story and not a maybe.

What are you most looking forward to after your baby is born?