My Biggest Goal Right Now

Four years ago I felt I had a mountain to climb in my life.  I wasn’t happy with a lot of aspects of my life, career, marriage, friends, where I live and so on.  It seemed like a daunting task to take on all of these things and find a better route.  Even worse I was just settling for it all without plans to really fix a lot of it.  Truthfully though, I don’t even know if I realized how badly it needed to change.  Fortunately life kicked my ass to the ground so I could start rebuilding a life that I would be happier with.

Over the years I have slowly attacked each of these parts of my life and made them better.  The main thing in my life that currently brings me down is my career.  I wouldn’t even call it a career so much as a J.O.B.  or a daily anxiety attack.

I feel like my career was something that I always had to take a backseat as I dealt with other things.  Who has time to really determine who they want to be when they grow up when they have to pay the bills?  It would have been more helpful if I had a trust fund or won the lottery but I’m losing hope on either one of those things happening. 

I know I should be thankful I even have a job but I’m so over that.  I’m over hiding in the bathroom, taking deep breaths and praying for patience.  I’m over half assing my job because I just don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of tearing up at my desk and I’m just not a cry in public person. 

What do I want to be when I grow up? The one thing that has saved me for the past couple of years, a person who shares my story.  I don’t know how that path is going to be laid out but I’m ready to start it.