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As I mentioned in my last post, I have spent a lot of time over coming things in my life to end up in a happy place, aside from the job.  While I’m working on that goal I have realized it is much harder to have more faith than fear.  It seems with every tiny set back or bit of waiting, I throw up my hands and just assume nothing will work.

Basically I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Or the air to blow out of my balloon.

Or someone to piss in my pool…..

You get the point.

Life has been good to me and I feel like someone (perhaps the big man upstairs) is going to turn around, realize I have too much of a good thing and pull the plug on my happiness.  There are days I look at my husband and feel so grateful and lucky, what did I do to deserve this?  Surely my luck is running out at some point?

Why do we assume we don’t deserve goodness?

It is the curse of the good luck, you lose faith in just one more thing going right, one more chance at happiness.  It isn’t even the fact that I lose faith in myself, I believe I can do things in life but I feel like karma may kick me when I’m not looking.

I have friends going through this same thing and I tell them to just hold on to that faith, they are so close.  Much easier to say the words instead of listening to them.  Perhaps we have no problems picturing our friends having a positive outcome because we aren’t sitting in their shoes picturing the fall out.  I know if I let myself sit in glitter and unicorn land then I assume my hopes are to high and that crash to reality is going to hurt.  I would think there is a balance though.  You have to picture the dream, practically taste it, to work hard for it.

Where is the balance?

All the other good in my life has come with a test to my patience and timing.  I need to realize that.  I need to quit trying to rush life and realize that things have a way of working out on their own.