Finding Friends as Grown Ups is Hard

After my divorce I had to do a bit of house cleaning with my friends.  I think it is natural.  The Ex gets custody of some of the friends, you learn who was really a friend and who was not and you realize who is really worth it to have in your life and who isn’t. 

In the midst of this I realized I had more single friends. Once the Husband came along I realized having only single friends wasn’t going to work out for weekend fun but we had to find some other couples and pronto.

Little did I know how tough this would be.  The problem is I may like the wife but he doesn’t like the husband or the other way around.  That leads to forced conversation about the weather while the other two are laughing at a “had to be there” moment and everyone goes home early. 

The other problem is the “we have kids” couple.  Due to my one 10-year-old they feel like I have no idea what it is like to have a baby and/or multiple kids.  These couples can be fun once you get them a babysitter and a beer but it is work to get them to that point.  It takes weeks of planning, prayer for sickness to not hit their house and then you are under a time constraint the second you leave the house. 

There are also the couples that you enjoy talking to at a BBQ but they aren’t the type to take to the comedy club or a wine bar.  Perhaps they don’t share your same drinking habits or care for your pirate mouth.  The silence turns awkward when the husband complains about having to work a 45 hour week and my husband just worked a 70 hour week.  Suddenly everyone feels uncomfortable and you mumble “we should do this again” and don’t really mean it. 

The worst couple is the couple that you enjoy but they don’t have a good marriage.  One second all is well and the next they are asking you to choose sides and throwing the word divorce around.  I feel these people make you jumpy about your own marriage.  Not healthy.

And just when you worry another couple might not work well with you, they turn into the best couple EVER.  Those are the ones that you book flights with, the ones that pour wine no matter what kid is sick, the ones that share some of the same goals and values as you did.  Those are hard to come by but they are worth it. 

Don’t get me wrong, we still love our single friends, but sometimes an even playing field is nice.

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