There are some important conversations every couple should have before they get married. Future goals, where they want to live in 5 years, finances, careers and family. Family, as in, if we create mini-me’s how are we going to raise them?
The one thing the ex-husband and I are really good at is being parents. I believe that is one of the sole reasons why we were together. Through the divorce and to this day we have not wavered in our stance on parenting and how we go about it.
When the Husband came on the scene Rebecca was 8 and I made it very clear how the Ex and I go about parenting and how that would not change, take it or leave it. I think it gave him a good idea of what his future could hold with me. Let’s be honest, if he didn’t like it then how the hell were him and I going to have kids?
Can you really be with someone and not like their parenting style? I’m not saying some things aren’t going to change when the Husband and I have a kid but the foundation will be the same. If you look at the person you are dating and think it is all going to change when it is YOUR kid then you are likely mistaken.
This past weekend we had an issue with Rebecca that needed to be addressed when I dropped her off at the Ex-husbands house. There the three of us stood in front of Rebecca. My Husband dropped back for most of the conversation but piped up when need be. We parent as a unit now. My Ex-Husband and my Husband get along wonderfully and I think that continues to help in raising her. She sees a united front and not people she can pit against one another.
The Husband respects how we have done things and trusts my parenting skills with Rebecca. I have learned through the mistakes of raising the first child, as most do, so of course, the second child will be different. Or the second child will eat more dirt than the first did, either way I know that we are both on the same page.
In a way we have already been able to test drive this road together. While most people are only able to have this conversation, or don’t have the conversation at all, the Husband has had a front row seat to what our future would hold. The conversations about bedtime prayers, first concerts, candy, groundings and what shows are okay to watch have already been discussed. We might just have a fighting chance against our future kids.
Through My Mistakes 
I met my ex-husband when I was 16 and never thought for a second about how we would parent. Oh, how I wish I had! He is lax, doesn’t believe in bedtimes and brushing teeth (they don’t even have toothbrushes at his house unless I provide them). He lets our son play video games for hours at a time and lets them eat whatever they want. When my kids were young I called him, Daddy Delightful. (Not in front of the kids, mind you.)
Now that they are 15 & 17 they are not making good choices when they go to their dad’s. It makes me proud that all my work has paid off. They are actually at the point where they don’t really want to go over there because of the way he lives. The sad thing is, I do not look at this as a triumph on my part. I just see two kids that have been and continued to be role modeled in a poor way and in the end it is my kids who have suffered.
I could defintely see the two sides of parenting there! It is so easy to think you want them to grow up to not want to be with the lax parent but it is sad to see at the same time. It is frustrating enough to raise kids and hope you do a good job but even more frustrating to send them to their Dad’s and have everything be reversed so quickly. You have to know that you have done everything you could on your end:)