How Much Baggage Should One Carry?

When I go on a trip I check bags, there is no way around it.  Those people who bring a carry-on, well, I envy them a bit but then I remind myself that if I suddenly need snow boots on an island then I will probably find them somewhere in my huge bag that may or may not get lost on the way there.  I mainly like to be prepared is all it comes down to.

This happens when you start a new relationship.  Some of your baggage or your old relationship comes into the new relationship. Some of it can actually be seen as good but there is plenty that shouldn’t make the trip at all.  Like my snow boots, totally not necessary, they just take up space.   The question is, how much of your old relationship should you really bring to the new one?

I can say there are some issues I brought to my relationship when I was dating my husband.  While I had dated a lot after my divorce and before  I met the Husband, there were still some things I had to deal with and the only way to deal with them was by being with someone who could help.  Unfortunately my Husband has had to pay for some of the issues I had with my ex-husband. If the Husband really wants to see me in melt down mode he can show up late while I’m standing dressed and ready to go somewhere, a big issue with my ex-husband.  I can’t help it, I recognize why I’m freaking the fuck out but it doesn’t matter. 

Then there are the little pieces of baggage you don’t think about.  Women can relate to over packing to many toiletries which can start taking up space when really you only need a ponytail holder and sunscreen on the beach.  I didn’t care for my new boyfriend to be leaving his toothbrush at my place and don’t even get me started on pajama pants left at the end of MY bed.  Who did he think I was?  It may have been his small pieces but they felt like the took up too much space where my ex-husband’s stuff used to lay. 

There was also the ex-husbands stuff just lying around that felt like literal baggage holding back my new relationship.  Stuff that took time to part with or stuff he just hadn’t come to pick up.  Baggage that needed to be cleared out. 

Thankfully I was dating a patient man who started to lead me down a path that didn’t require me to pack so damn much.  I could leave behind pieces and could start dealing with some of the baggage that I did bring to the relationship, such as trust.  I also knew that with this man I was ready to ditch all of that and move on to a new destination.  While I don’t think it is impossible to move into a new relationship without lugging a few items I think the new person can at least help us unpack a bit.

The truth is, you can’t start a new relationship with your old one not even put into a box.  You have to board the plane, be ready for missing bags when you arrive at your destination and be okay with only the bikini you packed for an emergency in your purse.  The sun will shine no matter what but you have to give it a chance to break through the clouds.