Trust: My Husband has friends that are….Women

There is an age-old debate about whether or not one should be friends with their ex.  You can take that a step further and discuss how you feel about your spouse being friends with their ex which seems to be an even touchier subject.

Some people just jumped on their side of the fence with an “oh, hell no!”  It’s okay, I heard you.  Hear me out though.

I have a very basic stance on trust vs jealousy in a relationship.  I believe you should have trust and there is no room for jealousy.  Your marriage or relationship will have enough real things to contend with, why worry about something that isn’t there?  For example, why worry about whether or not my husband’s friend has a vagina?  He likes my vagina just fine.

When I met my husband and I was very forward with him about the fact that I am friends with many men, I’ve even dated a few of them and I was not going to give up my friends for a man who didn’t like my choice in friends.  He had to like the man friends just as he had to like the woman friends. I know some people aren’t comfortable with this arrangement, which is why I was upfront.  This actually, in turn, made him upfront.  His best friend is a girl and he is friends with a few of his exes.

So to answer the question, we do believe you can be friends with an ex or a member of the opposite sex.

The first time I met one of the Husband’s ex-girlfriends was at HER wedding and she was lovely.  So lovely that I can’t say a bad thing about her and both her and her husband attended our wedding.  We consider them friends and my Husband speaks with her via text or email here and there.  I have never questioned their friendship or them speaking to one another.  I have never felt the need to check the text messages between the two nor have I ever felt jealous.  I understand why their relationship ended, it was a path of what was meant to be and there is no hurt feelings between the two.  Plus, she has never given me a reason to dislike her.

Then there is the Husband’s best friend, a woman that he has never dated but was deployed with for a year in Iraq.  From our first date I heard stories about her just as I did the about the men he was deployed with.  When we were dating the Husband took a trip to visit family and this particular friend lives in the same area.  The two of them went out for dinner and drinks and no, he did not need to call and ask permission to do so.  I finally met this girl the day before our wedding reception.  She came to town very late at night to stay at our place and the two of them stayed up late talking while I retired to bed.  The next morning her and I got to know one another and she is great.  I can see why my Husband is friends with her.  They talk weekly and she feels like his sister more than anything else.  They have that deployment bond that can’t be broken and once again, never have I felt the need to question any of it.

Is this a two-way street?  Yes, I was a farm girl, I have guy friends too.  One’s that join me for drinks at happy hour with the girls, some that join my husband and I at the comedy club, and some that call me for dating advice.

This is where some of you say I’m blind or too trustworthy.  The thing is, I trust my husband, I’m secure in my marriage and  I have also taken the time to meet these women and have gotten to know them just as he has my friends.  Even if there was any doubt, it was removed when we shared a bottle of wine and they told me stories of a guy I knew nothing about because both of these women have known him many, many years longer than I have.  I also trust my husband to associate with friends, men or women, who won’t do damage to our marriage.  Sure, we would all like to think anyone who talks to our husband clearly wants him for the stud muffin he is but alas that is not the case.

How do you feel about your spouse’s friends, with a penis or vagina?