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This month I was supposed to start Clomid but I don’t know if it is going to happen.  You see, once you start Clomid on this calculated day, then you have to go in for an ultrasound on another calculated day and if my period shows up when it is supposed to, well, I’ll be busy on the second calculated day.  As in, we have a vacation planned with Rebecca, things booked, time off requested.

Insert gasps from many.

Some may even say I’m crazy.

For a lot of people trying to conceive can take over their lives.  Everything is a timing matter and I’m not saying we haven’t had to juggle and put somethings on hold but I will only take it so far.  I just cannot do the deed when I have a raging sinus infection and no voice, nor am I telling my child otherwise for a vacation.

When we started down this road we didn’t want to become that crazy couple who forgot to enjoy life happening right now.  We are still enjoying the start of our marriage!  I’m not giving up drinking wine, working out, and a million other things that people told me to stop doing to increase my chances of having a baby.  I didn’t want our marriage to start suffering or become hyper focused on this one thing, so this is not our only topic of conversation.  We try to have sex that isn’t just on a calculated day but on an uncalculated day on the new trampoline because isn’t that what everyone jokes about doing.  We are not saving every penny for endless fertility treatments but are looking at boats because we know how far we are going to take this.

I’m not saying I don’t care, I do.  There are the good days, bad days, learning curves, tears and frustration.  We want this and going through this has only, thankfully, strengthened our marriage.  We just don’t want this to become our entire world but merely a part of it.  Most importantly, this is stressful and I need to keep some sort of balance and control with it all for my sanity.  So we choose carefully, weigh our options and go with that.  The rest we just have to accept.