Last night my Husband and I laid in bed, talking about the fireplace being delivered this week and how we need to bump out the basement bar. In the middle of the conversation he blurted out how he is getting really nervous for Friday’s ultrasound. This is how our life is, we are going about living it and all the while there are these demons and fears just looming in the corner.
I have a whole post I have written out on the difference between this pregnancy and my first but the truth is it comes down to one thing-on a daily basis I just don’t even feel pregnant where as last time I did. So that has me worried. Some would say I would be having symptoms of miscarriage if there was something wrong but I never did last time. A friend also suggested to me that since I have been battling severe allergies the past week then that has been masking pregnancy side effects.
There can be a million reasons why I have that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and I know my imagination has gotten away from me on several occasions already. Friday’s ultrasound is going to be scary. And what is worse….The 12 week ultrasound we already have scheduled. That was the doomed ultrasound for us last time. That is the one that has us not talking baby talk. For most women they get more comfortable as the weeks pass along in their pregnancy. They get up the desire to share the news with more and more people. As our weeks go on we go in the opposite direction. Hide the secret more, as our nerves grow.
I hate admitting that. I honestly do. We say “if” for this baby, not “when.” I don’t think of a future for this baby yet because I can’t think beyond the first trimester. I want to be positive but I just can’t find it in me yet. I know that if we make it to that second trimester we will be so happy and well, let the party start, let the planning begin, let everyone know. But till then…we wait….and in the middle of the night I find myself, once again, talking to this baby in my head, asking it to just hang in there with me.
Through My Mistakes 
I understand completely. I’ve had bad news delivered at a 12 week ultrasound too and until you get past it it is so hard to believe that things may actually work out. You know what though, the odds are on your side that it will work out. I wish you didn’t have to experience this anxiety but it is true that everyday your pregnancy continues the odds get better and better! Thinking of you x
Thank you for that! I know it will be easier once we get past that 12 week mark. Then we can all exhale!
SO many hugs. I keep the fears at bay; I had a horrible dream the other night that woke me up. When I tell Eric my fears, he reminds me to just be joyful for the now and to enjoy this moment until there’s a reason not to enjoy it anymore. I try my best but it’s hard for sure.
You are already at 9 weeks!! You are doing so good!! You tell that baby to hang in there with you because it will be the most loved baby and you will be a good ass mama to it, just ask Bear : )
Haha thanks friend. It is a daily struggle, wanting to be positive and then knowing reality. One day at a time is right!
With my baby I didn’t have ANY pregnancy symptoms, which led to us finding out very late about her. Just try to keep the positive thoughts. Just look at it as when your happy, so is that little tiny baby:) I hope things go well!
I am so relived when I hear people say they didn’t have pregnancy symptoms. Mine are so few and far between I sometimes feel like I’m making them up in my head. Thank you!
Aww friend, well, now that I know the 9 week ultrasound went great, I hope it gives you a little more comfort and hope for that 12 week appt!! I am so praying for you both and baby, and have you in my thoughts. xoxo