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Last Friday I had my nine week ultrasound.  I was a fucking wreck that morning and then on the way to the hospital.  For some reason, once I met up with my Husband in the parking lot, I calmed down.  By the time we found our seats in the waiting room, we both had our shit together and the nerves subsided.  It also helps to watch the other couples in the waiting room.  There should be a book just on that.  We sit there and try and figure out what their stories are, how they met, how she even thought to have sex with the guy next to her, what their kid will look like, and so on.  Entertainment.

A few moments later we found ourselves face to face with that ultrasound machine and my doctor trying to make small talk with us to keep us calm till baby popped up on the screen.  Mid sentence she said “Well, baby looks beautiful and healthy.”

You could hear us both exhale.

She turned the screen to point everything out to us.  It amazes me how much a baby can grow in a few weeks. It went from a dot to something with a few alien limbs.  There was even a hand up in the air giving us a wave and the heartbeat was steady and strong at 185.

The next ultrasound is on the day that I hit 12 weeks and will also serve as our testing for down syndrome.  Two more weeks till we are in the clear.  After we went over this with my doctor she must have read my face.  The next two weeks are the vital weeks for us.  This is where we know if we will be moving beyond the first trimester or not.  My doctors response, if I have major anxiety and need to see my baby, then call and come in to see her.  She will do an ultrasound, no problem.  Just knowing that helps more than I can say.  I may not have total control over what happens but all control and peace of mind I can have is given to me.

So for the next two weeks we are going day by day and just holding on to faith.  I can’t change anything that happens.  I can tell you, if you want time to drag on, get pregnant:)