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At one point April 3rd was this elusive date, that seemed forever in the future, for both the Husband and I.  It was the due date of our butterfly baby.  In the past few weeks I have watched several friends, due around the same time as me, go into labor and post their potato looking newborns on their Facebook feed.  I’ve said my congrats and moved on with a slight feeling in the gut of my stomach.  We should be right there with them, we should have a nursery full and waiting, we should be planning this weekend very differently than what we currently are but the truth is we aren’t.

I was absolutely dreading this date for the past several months.  I can tell you that being currently pregnant has helped big time with curbing my anxiety and sadness towards April 3.  It is weird to think about how differently our lives could currently be but at the same time I know more and more we are exactly where we are supposed to be at.  It is with a heavy heart we think about our butterfly baby more than normal this week, what she would look like, who should would be, those dreams you instantly create for that baby, not to come to form this Friday.

Instead we are in a different place.  A place where each day we have a bit more excitement for this new baby.  While we are a bundle of nerves for the impending 12 week ultrasound next Tuesday, we are trying to remain positive.  Basically, it is a bit of an emotional roller coaster and if it was cool to drink a bottle of wine prior to my appointment on Tuesday, to calm my nerves, I would.  Then yesterday, as I was walking the dog, we saw our first butterfly of the year, an orange one that just traveled right along next to us.  It felt like a good sign from our angel baby.  So for the time being I am just going to take this time to enjoy where we are at.