At one point April 3rd was this elusive date, that seemed forever in the future, for both the Husband and I. It was the due date of our butterfly baby. In the past few weeks I have watched several friends, due around the same time as me, go into labor and post their potato looking newborns on their Facebook feed. I’ve said my congrats and moved on with a slight feeling in the gut of my stomach. We should be right there with them, we should have a nursery full and waiting, we should be planning this weekend very differently than what we currently are but the truth is we aren’t.
I was absolutely dreading this date for the past several months. I can tell you that being currently pregnant has helped big time with curbing my anxiety and sadness towards April 3. It is weird to think about how differently our lives could currently be but at the same time I know more and more we are exactly where we are supposed to be at. It is with a heavy heart we think about our butterfly baby more than normal this week, what she would look like, who should would be, those dreams you instantly create for that baby, not to come to form this Friday.
Instead we are in a different place. A place where each day we have a bit more excitement for this new baby. While we are a bundle of nerves for the impending 12 week ultrasound next Tuesday, we are trying to remain positive. Basically, it is a bit of an emotional roller coaster and if it was cool to drink a bottle of wine prior to my appointment on Tuesday, to calm my nerves, I would. Then yesterday, as I was walking the dog, we saw our first butterfly of the year, an orange one that just traveled right along next to us. It felt like a good sign from our angel baby. So for the time being I am just going to take this time to enjoy where we are at.
Through My Mistakes 
I had a scan at 10 weeks and my baby was dead (measuring 9). I’d had a scan previously at 8 weeks and the baby had been healthy so we felt a lot of similar emotions to what you have described through out your blog (I have read all your posts from trying to conceive to now, I love reading blogs!).
I’m so glad you got pregnant again and are having such a successful pregnancy. We are currently trying again for our rainbow after loosing the baby in March.
I am torn both between following you in your success and not following because I’m jealous (I bet you know and appreciate that feeling well!)
But I think for now I’ll follow and pray my body takes some positive energy and vibes and I go on to have a rainbow like yourself.
So many congratulations and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!
To start with, I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby and all that you had to go through. It is such an emotional roller coaster that changes your life forever. I completely understand if you wouldn’t want to continue to follow my blog:) I have had the same situation arise with other bloggers. It is nothing against them but it is all with what you feel you can and want to handle at the time.
Thank you so much for the positive vibes and I wish you the best in your journey for your rainbow baby! Stay strong!
Thank you for reading!
Hoping for a happy healthy ultrasound. I have a good feeling that this little one will show up all healthy! HUGS!!!
Thank you so much Judi! 24 more hours to wait!:) Not that I’m counting!
I hope your excitement grows each day and your worries lessen. There will always be a sadness in your heart for your loss and your angel baby will not make it go away but rather give you a greater appreciation for what you have. Best of luck this Tuesday. Keep us posted
Thank you so much! I will keep you guys posted with what will hopefully be good news!