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It was the high risk office, not the same as before.  It was a different tech, a student nurse in the corner, more questions than last time and the goal of everyone in the room was to make sure this time around, there was a heartbeat. My anxiety was through the roof, I had to pee, and I tried some deep breathing while I waited for the screen to pop up.  Immediately the tech said “We have a heartbeat.”

And then my Husband grabbed my hand and we all loudly exhaled while a few relief tears slid down my face.

I seriously cannot explain the relief that we felt in that moment.  Like the biggest weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

From there the tech got down to business.  Baby had no intention of sitting still and it could have possibly had something to do with my one cup of coffee I allow myself a day.  Baby was rolling, turning, waving hands and alternating thumbs in the mouth.  The tech was doing everything possible to click and measure at just the right time before baby was moving again.  Finally, once baby stuck both thumbs in her/his mouth, the tech felt like she was getting somewhere.

The main purpose of this ultrasound was for genetic testing of down syndrome.  They take measurements and look at specific things, along with some blood work that won’t come back for a week.  Our high risk perintologist, who fell out of Grey’s Anatomy looking damn hot, came in and went back over everything the nurse talked with us about.  He said so far nothing seemed out of normal.  All baby pieces were growing as they should be and were all there.  A few things we are going to keep an eye on though are babies growth and heart.  I have cardiac problems and I am on a beta blocker medication.  That medicine is fine to take while pregnant but can slow the growth of baby, therefore we will have a second anatomy scan at 30 weeks.  Also, baby will have its own EKG at around 24 weeks due to the family cardiac and heart murmur issues.  It is more of a proactive approach with both that I am perfectly fine with.

After some lab work I happily took a walk down to my OB’s office without having to take the back way as we did last time.  I’ll remain high risk for the time being and she once again mentioned that if I am feeling any anxiety about baby to just call and I can come in and have an ultrasound with her to ease my mind.  Just knowing that is an option really helps.

Secondly, we discussed my workout regimen. I needed reassurance as I have been getting some flack from some friends that have known about my pregnancy.  These friends all seem to have advice that lines up with them not knowing shit but making me feel like a bad parent.  The doc reassured me that I am doing nothing wrong.  In fact, I should NOT quit my normal yoga routine (which includes Piyo and Ashtanga yoga) and drop down to prenatal yoga because that could actually be worse for my body.  She asked me to make her life easier and keep up my workouts.  By doing so I lower the chances of a c-section, will have an easier labor and will be less likely to push as long.  She has had countless marathon runners, personal trainers, crossfit fanatics, yoga and the like people who all continue working out till the day they go into labor as long as baby and Mom are happy and safe.

I walked out feeling in control of this pregnancy for the first time.  I feel like we have a future, like we can plan, like we can finally get excited.  I feel like I have more of a connection to this baby and can sleep better at night knowing we are going to end up okay.  I finally feel like I have a grip on everything and can doing that crazy thing called breathing easier.  I know we have 6 months to go but it feels like we are on the downhill of what has been a long journey.