“It Is During Our Darkest Moments That We Must Focus to See the Light.”

Start here for Rebecca’s story

Box by box we put our life away.  Tucked neatly into bubble wrap to head to a place we were both dreading.  An apartment that neither of us wanted but it was the only option.  We were sure it would only be a short six months and we would get it together and buy a house.  I just didn’t know at the time it would be 5 years later and the Ex would be moving into our dream home with another woman while I stayed behind in that dreaded apartment to face our divorce.

He had to practically stuff me in the truck with the last of our stuff.  My broom hitting me in the head, the fish in a bowl between my feet and my gecko lizard on my lap.  I just let it all go as we drove away from that house.  He rubbed my arm to console me as we bounced down the gravel driveway and told me it would be okay.  In reality we hit the end of the driveway and he was crying too.  The first night in that apartment we laid in bed crying for everything.  Crying for the loss of our young adulthood, crying for the loss of our friends, crying for the home we loved, the baby that held us together and crying for the fact that our dreams were crashing around us faster than we could handle.

But life goes on, right?

We got up the next day and unpacked.  I slowly started going back to the office more and we entertained our families with wedding talk.  And most importantly, we were finally able to integrate Rebecca back into our lives.  Day by day until she was finally settled back into her bed and sleeping soundly.  She would spend her first several trips walking around touching all of her toys, like she thought they were gone for forever.  She acted as though no time had passed but we knew better, it passed and things changed.  We didn’t call the shots any longer and my Aunt and Uncle were  separating, divorce pending.  A schedule was set up to pass her back and forth and their divorce proceeded as our wedding neared.

The thing is, just like that, those 14 months of fighting became non-existent to everyone.   The truth is I wanted someone to scream with me how it wasn’t fair.  I wanted someone to tear apart every moment with me like you do a bad break-up.  I wanted anything.  The Ex and I couldn’t do it with one another anymore.  I think we felt guilt or inadvertently placed guilt on the other.  Blame placement.  Whatever you want to call it.  The only thing people would say was how great it was my Aunt and Uncle were for stepping up.  I didn’t need an award but I was deflated.

I think there did become a point in this that the Ex and I got back to the basics but only after Rebecca was back in our lives.  That glue, there it was again.  Someone to fight for.  It wasn’t life as it was before but we thought, surely we should be grateful.

So on September 16, 2006 we woke to our wedding day.  We were married, outside, in between bad storms that swept through, while the Ex carried Rebecca down the aisle.  She rode away from the ceremony in the back seat of the Mustang with us, strapped in her car seat while we went down the highway holding hands in the front seat.  She danced our first dance with us and sat on his lap while we ate at our reception.  We smiled and drank champagne.  We looked the perfect part because I think that is what everyone needed to see in us by that point.

I would like to say if life re-wound and we didn’t have her come in our lives that we still would have gotten married.  I really wish I could think that we would have because I can’t imagine us not being married for the time we were.  Without that time together I wouldn’t be with the wonderful man I am now.   Then again, I could argue the opposite.  What if she never came into our lives and we didn’t have the stress that drove us to change?  It just goes to show the journey life gives us and how fate has a way of doing its own thing.

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