After my miscarriage I had a lot of issues with fears over my Husband. I would often panic that he wasn’t going to make it home, get an accident, suddenly die in his sleep, etc. Until he was safely home every night, my mind would run rampant with worst case scenarios. I don’t know where it came from but I read of other people experiencing the same thing. The fears faded with time as things got back to a new normal but in the past couple of weeks it has reemerged.
I think it is the curse of three’s or whatever you want to call it. It seems when one person dies, more follow, whether you know them closely or not. I think that is what is starting to feed this fear of mine again. This month feels like we have been surrounded by death, illness, and bad news. People with sick newborns, preemie babies, young husband’s/father’s dying of cancer, car accidents, it seems we have had or heard it all.
Last night my Husband called me, as always, to say he was on his way home. It should take him 30 minutes. At the 40 minute mark I was nearing the panic button, assuming the worst. Is it the pregnancy? Hormones? Is this normal? I would think so. I don’t assume I am exempt from worst case scenarios. I don’t want to think “It will never happen to me” because things do happen, life happens. No matter what, having a baby, is a big life change and my brain must be starting to register a lot of it. Then again, when this type of stuff happens to anyone it can cause them to reevaluate.
At the same time, I don’t want to live in this constant state of fear. It isn’t realistic, worth it or good for me. I’m looking for a balance. I need to step back and take a few more deep breaths. That is my goal this weekend. To pray for those that need it a bit more, be thankful for the little moments, and deal with my anxiety instead of feeding it.
Have you or anyone else you known dealt with this?