Irrational Fears

After my miscarriage I had a lot of issues with fears over my Husband.  I would often panic that he wasn’t going to make it home, get an accident, suddenly die in his sleep, etc.  Until he was safely home every night, my mind would run rampant with worst case scenarios.  I don’t know where it came from but I read of other people experiencing the same thing.  The fears faded with time as things got back to a new normal but in the past couple of weeks it has reemerged.

I think it is the curse of three’s or whatever you want to call it.  It seems when one person dies, more follow, whether you know them closely or not.  I think that is what is starting to feed this fear of mine again.  This month feels like we have been surrounded by death, illness, and bad news.  People with sick newborns, preemie babies, young husband’s/father’s dying of cancer, car accidents, it seems we have had or heard it all.

Last night my Husband called me, as always, to say he was on his way home.  It should take him 30 minutes.  At the 40 minute mark I was nearing the panic button, assuming the worst.  Is it the pregnancy?  Hormones?  Is this normal?  I would think so.  I don’t assume I am exempt from worst case scenarios.  I don’t want to think “It will never happen to me” because things do happen, life happens.  No matter what, having a baby, is a big life change and my brain must be starting to register a lot of it.  Then again, when this type of stuff happens to anyone it can cause them to reevaluate.

At the same time, I don’t want to live in this constant state of fear.  It isn’t realistic, worth it or good for me.  I’m looking for a balance.  I need to step back and take a few more deep breaths.  That is my goal this weekend.  To pray for those that need it a bit more, be thankful for the little moments, and deal with my anxiety instead of feeding it.

Have you or anyone else you known dealt with this?

6 thoughts on “Irrational Fears

  1. Wow. I haven’t talked about it yet but I’m totally feeling the same way. I don’t like it if my husband goes in for overtime alone, I worry about him driving home or if he’s home alone and doesn’t answer the phone. I keep thinking it’s because I feel like I would be lost without him once this baby comes. It’s really weird for me though. I’ve never been afraid that anyone in my life might pass away.

    1. Thank you for sharing this with me! I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this exact way. I mentioned this to a friend last night that has an infant and she has just lately been experiencing these issues as well.

  2. YES, I dealt with this through my pregnancy up until 30 weeks! I was a nervous wreck and had major anxiety even about my husbands commute. If he wouldn’t show up when he was supposed to I went into panic mode, especially when I couldn’t get in touch with him! I would always think the worse. Perhaps I should have taken up yoga but I was so cautious not to overdo things. Mediation didn’t work. Only things that did were prayer and distractions…my sister, cousin and a bestie who I would call to take me off that ledge.

    1. It definitely seems to be something many people go through but few talk about. Thank you for sharing! I’m hoping it will die back down. I’m normally a fairly level headed person but pregnancy makes you do weird things:)

  3. I am of course not pregnant, as you know, but I get this fear sometimes too and I think it’s truly the depth of love that does it, if that makes sense. you can’t imagine your life without him, just as I can’t, and it is compounded by the baby, for you, to live without your husband, as you raise a child. I think it’s rational, even if it feels irrational.

    1. I love that you first confirmed you are not pregnant. I literally laughed out loud. And I think you are so right, it does have to do with that love! I just feel like I’m being goofy sometimes:)

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