Long before I was pregnant, I would cringe when I heard a couple say “We are pregnant.” I never quite understood that phrase and thought that maybe once I was pregnant then I would change my mind. Nope. My mind has not changed. The phrase has come from my mouth once or twice, as an expecting woman, and I absolutely want to eat my words. My Husband knows better than to ever mutter those words.
I’m sorry if I offend any couples that are expecting out there but to me, there is no “we” that are pregnant. I am pregnant, my Husband is not. We are both expecting a baby, we can use that term, but just because he is dealing with a pregnant wife, does not in turn make him pregnant.
My Husband gets to get up everyday and go to work, work his normal schedule, come home and do his normal chores/activities/etc. At this point in my pregnancy nothing has changed for him. He does not get up in the middle of the night to make several trips to the bathroom, he doesn’t wonder what will fit him in the morning, he does not have to sit down throughout the day because his body tells him to, he does not have to deal with random pains and weight gain. Even mentally not much has changed for him. Daily my brain is thinking about pediatricians, what we need to schedule next, doctors appointments, to do lists and countdown till baby.
Before I was pregnant my Husband told me he would quit chewing and start losing weight once I was pregnant. It would be him giving up something alongside me. It was meant to make me feel like we were both going through something for 9 months. I can officially tell you that while I have quit drinking and gained weight, he has started chewing more and not lost one pound.
Some may have Husbands that have taken on extra chores around the house or have decided to give their wives a back rub every night after they read their wives bump a bedtime story. That hasn’t happened in my house. In fact, I took on my Husbands’ normal chores since he is working every extra minute on finishing the basement.
I’m not trying to complain about my Husband at all, it isn’t that. Men really do go through their own process when expecting the arrival of a new baby and they do deal with plenty when you are pregnant. But as the actual pregnant person in the relationship, I don’t get the chance to “get a break” from the baby. I am reminded every minute of every day that we have an arrival of a little human coming. I try to make my Husband feel involved and he does try to be involved. He comes to every appointment and we have had plenty of conversations regarding this baby but in the end, I’m the main source, I’m the oven, I’m the whatever you want to call it, but really, I’m in charge here. Actually, to be real, the baby is.
I don’t think the full reality hits most men until a screaming newborn is plopped into their arms.
In fact, I have actually been offended when someone looks at my Husband and says “Oh, you guys are pregnant.” I would like to take the credit for what my body is doing all on its own, thank you.
So no, I will not congratulate you and your Husband on being pregnant. I will congratulate you both on expecting the arrival of your baby. Because in my household my Husband is not pregnant, that is all cookies and mountain dew.
6 thoughts on “WE are not Pregnant but I am.”
I would like my partner to experience a fraction of the uncomfortable, awkward, anxiety involved in pregnancy!! I know its beautiful and I’m very grateful but my bump constantly reminds me of what needs doing, what I need to worry about. For the man… business as usual… until there’s something to see! 6 weeks and he’s in for the shock of his life no matter how much I’ve tried to prepare him!! X
You are so right Goldie! They can be business as usual till the baby wakes them up in the middle of the night:) Men will just never get it:)
I feel like this post could be written by me. I agree 100%
I have had a few meltdowns over the last 7.5 months telling my husband that he doesn’t know how difficult this all is, and when he tries to say he does, I remind him that he gets to go to work and escape all things baby, he comes home and dinner is on the table for him despite me also working a full time job, then he gets to relax and lie on the couch for awhile, then go to bed and stay in bed all night long. Meanwhile the person who is actually pregnant can never have a break from it. We are constantly being reminded (as I just received three swift kicks to the ribs) of what is to come. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have my body back to myself for just half a day. That’s all I’m asking for. People keep telling him that things will change in 7 weeks and 2 days (all going to plan) and sometimes his responses make me think that maybe he’s a bit naïve about how drastically things will change for BOTH of us, not just for me. I won’t complain about him as, for the most part, he has been a really great support even though there have been no back rubs or offers to rub my swollen ankles for me. He shows his support in different ways. But until this kid is born….he can continue on his blissful life because before he knows it, he will be in the same boat as me!!
Amen to that! I really don’t like to pull out the “I grew a kid all day” card but man, some days it would be nice. Men, no matter what, will never understand that we get zero break from the moment we pee on that stick. It is all fun and games to them till the baby comes out and shits on their shirt. I’m can’t wait for that moment:)
I love this post.