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Every summer you can find me rocking one of my recent Victorias Secret bikini’s, no shame in my game.  I could find any reason that I needed to be bikini clad, instead of fully clothed, when the temperatures crept up in the hot July days.  Fast forward to this summer and nothing has happened in a swimsuit at all.  I’ve kept to loose tanks and shorts to catch some sun and called it good enough.  I soon have to end that streak as we have a large group of us, dragging our kids, to a large water park in two weeks, when I will be 27 weeks pregnant.  If this was a trip to the river or a backyard pool party, I would have no problem just tossing on a bikini and calling it good enough.  However, a place full of families and judgmental women changes my stance on what I should wear.

Yesterday I mustered the courage and headed to Target to start my search for a swimsuit.  I was trying to find my old confidence, recently boosted, and was determined to not cry in a dressing room.  I immediately went from the normal  bikini’s and proceeded a few steps back towards the one piece options, something I haven’t looked at since I was around 14 years old.  I grabbed a handful of one piece options, a few tankini’s and then headed to the maternity options, grabbing a few cute choices that I had previously checked out online.

As I pulled on the first suit I realized how much I just don’t know my body right now.  Just last year I could grab or order any swimsuit and was 95% sure of how it would fit me.  I stood in that dressing room and turned circles, praising Jesus that I have kept up with squats and burpees, as I was faced with those horrible mirrors.  Seriously Target, better lighting and mirrors, I’m begging you.  Baby kicked and I could see it in the mirror.  I laughed, took quick pics to send to my Husband, instructing zero laughter to be had and only truth be told to me.  This was not a time to lie about how I looked.

Three trips to the dressing room later I realized tankini’s covered bump right then but may not in a few weeks.  Maternity swimsuits fell down when I pulled them on and one pieces have come a long damn ways over the years.  A coral one piece it was in a size medium, slightly too big but room to grow in the next few weeks.  I held my head high as I checked out, feeling accomplished.

I even went home to try it on for the Husband and my sister, who I made sure would not lie to me, and then they approved.

One more pregnancy hurdle attacked and conquered.  I’m slowly gaining confidence as my second trimester is quickly coming to an end.

This is where I wish I could tell you, from one pregnant person to another, all about confidence, keeping your head high, how much you will love being pregnant and embracing your body.  I was that person, prepregnancy, that people would ask to work out with.  I loved to help boost confidence levels and make women feel good about themselves and now I’m in a completely different boat.  Opposite side of the fence, if you will.  So I do want to apologize if you come here looking for the rainbows and unicorns of pregnancy.  Some women have it, I do know that and I applaud those women.  Seriously, cheers to them.  I am just not going to fake being one of those women because you know what, for 9 months, some of us just can’t be that person.  Pregnancy is hard enough, no need to fake your feelings through it.  So if you don’t want to rock a swimsuit and would rather a parka, do it.  Whatever makes you comfortable, just do that.  There is always next summer.