When you are pregnant with your first baby it seems like there is so much to do in a small amount of time. You have watched your friends and family members go through this point in their lives and now it is your turn up to the plate. You imagine how you will raise your kids, how you will handle pregnancy and everything else in between. Where do you start? What do you do? Who has the answer?
I mentioned this at the beginning of my pregnancy, and now a week shy of my third trimester, I’m going to reiterate, everyone is different. What your cousin’s, third uncle’s, twice removed, donkey did for their pregnancy is not what you may want or need to do in your pregnancy. There is an abundance of information out there in the form of groups, forums, books, articles, etc that will tell you the perfect way to raise your child/be pregnant and they will also tell you how you will likely screw up your kid beyond belief. It is a lot.
My doctor gave me a folder of articles at my first appointment along with a book about pregnancy through birth. I haven’t cracked open either and don’t plan on it. I didn’t even go out and buy the classic What to Expect When You are Expecting book. I failed in the book reading department is what I’m saying. I’ve kept it to classic beach reads instead. If I have had questions, I have asked my doctor or a trusted non-judgmental friend, fully realizing that this is just what works for me.
I’ve been judged by plenty of people, don’t worry. I haven’t had to adjust my workouts in yoga, pilates, cardio, or piyo yet and have overheard people talking about me outside of classes. I’ve had people make comments about my weight gain either to my face or behind my face. I’ve had people drill me on my birth plan and then critique it. But I’ve done the most important thing for me-I have listened to my body, done what has worked for our lifestyle and worked with my OB/perintologist/cardiologist on a game plan. At the end of the day I’m comfortable with that and what I’m doing for my pregnancy.
Fortunately, every pregnant woman can agree on one thing- everyone else can just STFU. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like enough pregnant women stand up and support one another.
It is easy to get down on yourself for the choices you are making or how you are going about things without everyone else adding to it. The other day I realized I have yet to pull out a children’s book and read to my bump. I do however talk out loud way too much to myself and sometimes to her in general. Instead of listening to soft baby lullabies, I drive with the windows down and sing at the top of my lungs. She kicks me and I poke her back. My Husband and I do not spend hours softly talking to bump, while laying in bed together. In fact, Husband came home after an 18 hour day yesterday and slept on the couch for fours hours before going back to work. Are we failing at bonding with her already? The internet will probably say yes but we are just rolling with what we have.
Put down the judgmental eyes. Put down all the information. Quit with Google. It can suck the life out of you and if you are already pregnant, you know that kiddo (or kiddos) you are hauling around is already doing a good job of sucking the life out of you as it is. You can’t live up to what society wants, so quit trying. There are no perfect answers out there. Plus, we would be a very boring society if we did all settle on one perfect, ideal image. We all want to do what is right for our bodies, unborn babies and children already here. I get that. So just do that. Lower your expectations, put down your phone, go outside, and enjoy the day. No matter what you are doing, I bet you are doing it right, so give yourself a pat on the back for that.
Through My Mistakes 
I swear sometimes you must live in my brain when I go and read posts like this! I agree with absolutely everything 100,000,000%
My mom was appalled that I hadn’t bought any books on pregnancy, so she dragged me to a book store and bought me “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”. Guess how many times I’ve opened it? Maybe…MAYBE 4 times. And that was during my first trimester when I had all kinds of questions but couldn’t ask anyone yet because they didn’t know our news. Otherwise it has been gathering dust on my bedside table. I go and read the “What to Expect” mom’s forum for people due in August, but the only reason I do it is because it’s like an entertaining soap opera in there. It sounds awful to say, but it makes me feel better about my own rough times when I read what some other women are dealing with. I don’t read websites. I talk to my doctor when I have questions, or I bombard my cousin who has three kids or my friend who has four kids when I am wondering about things. They are the two people in my life who are least likely to push a certain way on me just because it was something that worked for them. Oh and the soft orchestral music played to the belly thing…the other day I joked with my sister that this kid is going to come out singing Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Randy Houser, Three Days Grace or even heavier rock lyrics at the top of his lungs because that’s what I rock out to in the car when I’m driving around. Forget the soft stuff. The only time I speak directly to my belly is when I’m trying to convince the little guy to stop moving around so much because I just want to sleep. Once I even said “stop being a little jerk and let me sleep!!” one frustrated night. Does that make me a bad mother to be? Heck no. Not everyone is born to be a mooshy mother to be who wants to talk constantly about her beautiful miracle in her belly. Not everyone is going to use the word “precious” when describing what their baby is doing in the womb. So for anyone to ever pass judgment on someone like us and call us bad future mothers….those are people who don’t deserve to spend much time in our lives. The end, most very important thing is that our babies are loved, kept healthy, educated, and moving forward at what a doctor considers an appropriate speed, and doing it in a way that makes us and baby happy. Keep doing things the way you’re doing things! It makes me feel like I have a mothering partner in crime out there!!
And there’s my little rant for you 🙂
Amen to all that:) And I’m glad I’m not the only one. I feel like those who are like us, are afraid to say it. Don’t get me wrong, not bashing those who love the soft, sweetness of mothering their bumps, it just isn’t me.
And I totally told her last night to cut the crap and go to sleep. haha. I have no idea why she didn’t listen:)
Here is to do what just works for us!
Some days, I feel like I’ve done enough. Other days, I feel like I’ve barely even started. As someone who read “What to Expect” many years before we ever were expecting, I would say it’s so beginner level that it really doesn’t matter if you don’t read it. Especially after going through infertility, I find we tend to over-educate ourselves. Maybe this is a chance to just “be” and let one thing come naturally – the instinct to mother. 🙂
I love that you used the word “naturally.” Exactly. Our bodies will do as they are supposed to and this is a good time to just be.
Oh how I wish people would just mind their own business. Grrrrrrrrrrrr
Maybe one day?? We can hope:)
Nothing irritates me as much s people who think they know it all or who feel they need to meddle in other people’s business. I believe that persons will share what they want to share and until then do not question them.
I bought What To Expect from a charity shop. I tried to read it but it just seemed like a list of things to worry about that I hadn’t thought of!! You’re not missing a thing by not reading stuff like that…I think you’re doing fine 🙂 xxx
I have heard that same thing from a lot of other women! I think I’ve managed this far so I can fake it the last 13 weeks:)
I haven’t started a scrapbook yet and my MIL thinks that makes me the devil. I’ve noticed that all the women in my office who have been pregnant are especially nice to me, telling me how wonderful I look, and even though I feel (and KNOW) I look like a lard ass, I really appreciate the sentiment. I feel that for a lot of us, our self esteem takes a huge dive with all the hormones and weight gain, so I’m just going to let myself believe their sentiments.
Shame on you for not scrap booking:) haha. You are obviously going to hell. We bought a baby book and the other day we thought, we should crack that sucker open and see what we are suppose to be writing in it. Already so behind:)
My mom bought me the “what to expect when you’re expecting” and I have honestly looked at it once. Most of it seems to be just simple common sense to me. Of course, every time I feel a weird pain or something that I hadn’t heard about from the fifty or so women /mom’s in my life, I Google and get a ton of information as much as possible.
This post is absolutely accurate. Even though my pregnancy has been on the easier side and fairly similar to my mother’s with me (I’m first born), it’s still different because it’s me. I started at a different body weight and type than any of the women in my life. But reading this was just so reassuring! I look forward to more of your posts!
-love, loiterbug (aka theletterstobaby)
Yes, every pregnancy is SO different. Comparing is probably the worst thing anyone can do. I’m glad reading my post helped you. Thanks!