Just because I’m having a baby, doesn’t mean I like your kids

I spent 8 years working in the public daycare setting, countless years babysitting, summers being a camp counselor, 4 years coaching gymnastics, and have helped my friends with their kiddos.  I’ve had my fair share of time around kids of all ages and I can officially tell you, that doesn’t mean I like them all.  You can disagree with me on this and say you love all children equally, which totally makes you better than me.

For some reason people see my pregnant belly and assume I am in full on Mommy mode.  They think I want to hold their baby, listen to their kids talk, babysit their infant for “practice,” etc.  Here is the thing, just because I’m having a baby, doesn’t mean I like yours.  Kids and babies alike are gross.  They are slimy, crusty, smelly and noisy.  I will even go as far to say that not every baby is cute.  It is true, I said it and will say it again, I think some come out looking like potatoes.  It is all something only a parent can love to the fullest extent.

You know the parent I’m talking about, the parent who says “Isn’t little Johnny just adorable?” as he smears his snot on your Pottery Barn throw pillow and then the parent likes to now follow-up with “Just you wait….”  No, Johnny is fucking gross and I could punch the next person in the face who says “Just you wait.” I don’t let my dog hump your leg when you come over for wine so keep Johnny away from humping my pillows.  Thanks.

I have a co-worker who wants to inform me of how special and smart their grand-daughter is.  It is sweet when people want to tell you a cute story about how much they love the little nugget in their life but just because the toddler can string two words together doesn’t make them a damn genius nor do I want to hear them on speaker phone do so.

I’m also here to tell you that I have been around plenty of kids having a bad moment in public.  Rebecca was once young enough for that herself and we were fans of taking her to the car or removing her from the situation because no one wanted to hear her scream her sorrows.  Apparently that is no longer a thing.  As I was getting my nails done recently a little girl next to me went into full tantrum mode and the mother’s response to me was “You don’t mind handing her that sippy cup do you? You’ll have one of your own soon!”  Yes, lady, I do mind.  I’m getting my feet rubbed and this kid is not my problem nor did it exit my vagina.  Ruin your own nails by getting that yourself.  Also, non-pregnant people in this joint are annoyed as well.

Not everyone is a kid person, especially if you have a rather annoying kid.  Some people just merely like their own kids, just like they like their own pets.  It is a preference thing.  So remember, your kid is not the next best thing according to everyone else, just you.  And just because my belly says “baby” doesn’t mean I want to hear your birth story in the grocery store while holding your ugly child.  Save it for your blog like a normal person.



11 thoughts on “Just because I’m having a baby, doesn’t mean I like your kids

  1. Ha Ha Ha!! Well said. Love this rant. So true. And sometimes the Grandma’s are the worst. I used to work with a lady that constantly talked about her unappealing grandson. Remi this and Remi that all the dang long day! I am happy she loves him so much….she should, but I had ZERO interest in that kid.

    I would add to the list of complaints “THE MOM WHO TREATS HER KID LIKE DIRT IN PUBLIC”. You know the one in the grocery store who is smacking her kid and verbally degrading them right there in front of you as you pick some produce. Listen lady, your kid probably just needs a nap so why don’t you wind up this shopping and take him/her home rather than make a scene in public. No you are not disciplining your child; you are just acting like an illiterate ass-whole! Poor kid doesn’t have a chance in life.

    1. That is certainly one to add to the list!! Opposite end of the spectrum and that one includes actual bad parenting! No one wants to hear you scream at your tired kid, that’s for sure! Also, yes, grandparents are some times the worst!

  2. Lolll! OMG, this is so completely true! I’m 26 weeks pregnant with my 7th and you know what, I’m still having a really hard time with kids that are not mine… I’m completely hypnotized by newborns and up to 1 year old, after that, no thanks 😉 My mom has a daycare since I was 5 (so its been 31 years)… I saw kids of all kinds but also parents of all kinds… No comments… I thought that I would be great with my own daycare, as experienced I was… Total mistake!!! I so so so hated it!!! I’m still having nightmares about it lolll! Don’t take me wrong, I love kids: I love my nephew, I have a really deep maternal instinct, I’m mommyholic but I can’t take care of others kids, I just can’t… Should I be shameful? 😉 Thanks for this blog, everything I read is talking so loud to me lolll! I nominated you for a Liebster award on mine 😉


    1. Thanks! Glad I’m not the only one! And expecting your 7th?! I bow down to you. YOU are amazing. I would say your kids are enough, you don’t need to like anyone elses:) And thanks for the award and reading!

  3. lol, I remember being 9 mos preg with my first and went to visit a friend. Her sister was there (whom I didnt know as well) who had just had a baby. The sister asked me if I wanted to hold her baby “for practice”, I (slowly) said ok, and immediately after taking infant in arms I was like, “um, ok, what now? I’m pretty bored already with this”. I was worried there for a min what that meant about my own maternal instincts seeing as how I was due to have my own infant in arms in like the next two days. Glad to say it really does feel different when its your own (thank goodness) but the truth is, I *still* feel this way when it comes to holding anyone else’s kids!

    1. This made me laugh! Some babes I have loved holding and squishing. Others, not so much. I’m not worried about loving my own, I just don’t think everyone has the greatest babe:)

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