This may be one of the harder posts for me to write. For one main reason-judgement.
We have all heard the line – breast is best. We know it. We get it. There is a lot surrounding a woman and her choice to breastfeed her child.
I’ve said it a million times before in this blog and I will say it yet again, you have to find what works best for you and your family, not what society says is best. And what is best for us is to formula feed my baby. I know, the horror. I will also say that this has been given a lot of thought. It wasn’t a quick decision but it is one that I am 100% comfortable with, one that I feel educated about, one that I have researched and one that I do not feel guilty about.
We have many reasons. Realistic reasons and I won’t lie, some selfish. I am honestly not going to list them all out here though. Being pregnant people ask a lot of questions and share their advice but I can honestly say I was not ready for the amount of people who would ask if I was going to breastfeed and follow it up with some serious judgement when I answered no. They would try to make me feel guilty for not even trying because perhaps they tried with their child and were unable to. Therefore I had to somehow make up for that? I have been given the side eye, been told stats and all the pros, and even been told horror stories of not breastfeeding my child. Basically how I am the worst parent ever, already. So just mail me that award now.
Other people have nodded their head in complete agreement with my choice and I’m so grateful for that. They have shared their stories on why breastfeeding was maybe not the best choice for them, how they could not breastfeed for multiple reasons, how they may do it differently the next time around, how they made the same choice as me, how their child is thriving just fine and they could still have a chance to get into Harvard one day despite having had formula their first year. Basically there have been plenty to not judge and those are the ones that have helped me work through this decision.
It was also part of the reason I was dreading finding a pediatrician, I didn’t want a lecture or judgement. I wanted someone to understand my feelings and where I was coming from on breastfeeding. Once the conversation started with this woman, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She understood, did not make me feel guilty and most importantly, we moved beyond the fact that I was not going to breastfeed and opened up the conversation on formula feeding and you know, everything else about my child that we should be discussing.
What I’m trying to say is everyone is different and makes different choices. Parenting is a slippery slope and the choice to breastfeed or not seems to be an incredibly slippery slope. The thing is, there are going to be a million choices I have to make for this nugget. Some will be the right ones and some will be the wrong ones but we learn as we go and we do what is best. So do what is best for your kid, no matter what your MIL, society or the neighbors dog says.
Through My Mistakes 
I can totally relate. I tried to breastfeed and I was so miserable. I would spend hours a day pumping to get very little milk. I was a better mom and wife when I stopped. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I support all moms no matter the choice but for me and my family, formula was best!
Thank you so much for sharing. I have heard that from many supportive Mom’s who felt that they were just better off. Happy mom, happy baby, happy life:) Good for you!
Good for you for knowing what is best for your family and for doing it no matter what people say. I’m convinced we need to change society to realize that nutrition is best, not breast is best.
Thank you for saying that and I couldn’t agree more!
I tried and hated it!!! My breast where so big my first child could not latch on. The other reason for it was the thought of them on my nipple – that’s the husbands toy and honestly I was afraid I would get turned on. I know that is so stupid and weird but it just made me feel weird.
I have always said do what is best for you and not what others think!
Good job
Thank you for sharing! I have heard that same statement from many women and don’t find that weird or stupid at all!
I am also surprised by the amount of people who ask me if I’m going to nurse–like how is that any of your business? It’s shocking how much input people think they get to have on your life and choices once you have children (or are expecting children).
People get super nosy. A friend of mine, who recently had a baby, tried breastfeeding and ended up formula feeding was surprised at the comments directed just at her boobs, not even feeding her baby! Granted she has a lot of boobs happening but just so weird!
Good on you for knowing what you want! Just FYI – I and my 4 siblings were formula fed, none of us are criminals and 3 of us completely uni, 1 brother served in the military and is now doing a trade, 1 sister did a traineeship in early childhood education instead. None of us are mutants 😛 lol.
Oh I laughed at this! Thank you for that! Our pediatrician said she was formula fed as well and well, now she is a doctor, so that seemed to work out okay for her:)
I don’t judge you one bit for making this decision. Not at all. I chose to breast feed our guy, and two weeks in I can confirm that it is haaaaard. Not just the discomfort associated with him learning to latch and suck properly, but the nights of frustration where he wants more but my body isn’t producing enough milk yet to accommodate his sporadic growth spurts. This has led to many tears as I feel like I’m failing him by not being able to fuel his needs. Also I am now 100% tied down to him at least until I can pump and prepare bottles for my husband. There is no freedom. Last night I ran quickly to the grocery store and came back 20 minutes later to a screaming baby and a husband feeling horrible because he couldn’t do anything to fill his sons belly. While breast milk does contain all kinds of good stuff, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going the formula route. Kudos to you for being open about it!
Thank you! A lot of what you listed here goes on to my own list of why I am choosing not to breastfeed. It is hard and man do I applaud mammas that do it and do it for the long haul! It is not an easy job at all! Hang in there!
Thanks for liking my post. And just stop thinking of what people will think else you are never going to do anything for yourself 🙂 as long as you can keep your family happy in whatever way, it doesn’t matter really.
Thank you!
I’m a breastfeeding mama but I come from a family that didn’t. My sister, like you, didn’t try at all. Mostly because she wanted her husband to have the chance to feed the baby as well and she said she didn’t like the idea of it so no judgement here. Its what works best for everyone involved. With my first one I wanted to breastfeed for a year but I gave myself 6 weeks to decide. I could never be content with formula now, which is why I always tell everyone to try, but the ultimate decision is the moms.
Good for you mama! I’m glad breastfeeding has worked for you and is something you are happy with. That is what is most important:)
I applaud your decision friend! I feel like it is almost harder to NOT breastfeed and all the flak you get, than it is to try and not like it etc. Here’s to making decisions and owning them, and one I probably would do too for many of the same reasons!
Thanks! It is hard to go against the grain sometimes but hey, I’ll own it:)
I dont think anyone should have the right to judge you. You know whats best for you and your lifestyle. Dont let anyone make you feel bad, being a good mother is not defined by if you breastfeed your baby or not!
Thank you! You are so right!
No one has the right to judge you. You do what is best for you and your family. Being a good mother is not based on breastfeeding! I too am leaning to bottle feeding and feel no shame in it what so ever
I stumbled across your blog and i am SO pleased I did.
I am 27 weeks, no scrap that, i am a woman who just happens to be pregnant and i thoroughly enjoy EVERYTHING you are writing!
Thank you!
U have inspired me to get writing!!!!
X
Thank you for reading!
I was lucky in that nobody asked if I would breastfeed or not while pregnant and nobody asked after. I was ready for a battle if someone pushed breastfeeding down my throat. My daughter wouldn’t latch, so we made the decision in the hospital to formula feed. I was ok with it. In fact life was so much easier for my family formula feeding. Our second baby is due in February and we will be formula feeding her as well. My daughter is 19 months old and hasn’t been sick at all, and reached all of her milestones on time or early. You have to do what’s best for you and your family no matter what anyone else thinks. Good luck!
Thank you for sharing! I’m glad that was a choice that worked well for you and your family and you didn’t receive flack for it! Makes life so much easier!