Hitting a Brick Wall

Coming up on 35 weeks and I’m not going to sugar coat this for you- I’m done, I hate pregnancy, I’m tired of renting out my body and I’m hitting a brick wall.  Also, I want a cold glass of chardonnay and I want it yesterday.  I have no idea how my Husband will ever talk me into this pregnancy bit again.

Last night I could not quit itching, I could not get comfortable, I was over tired, felt huge and the hormones were kicking my ass.  I started crying and couldn’t quit.  1am sitting in bed sobbing.  I just gave in to it all while my Husband snored away from the couch, where he had fallen asleep watching TV earlier.  And in that moment I hated all men for not having their own damn uterus.  He got up at 3:30am to leave for work and I probably won’t see him till about 8pm tonight.  We will maybe get a chance for a quick phone call during the day and I will be lucky to get a few, short texts in return to the many I will knowingly send him today.  Basically, we are on two different pages right now.

His company is hitting the ground running before the snow flies and working 80-90 hour weeks and will start throwing in working some Saturdays.  (Yea, we think it is cute when you complain about a 10 hour day.)  The time he is home on the weekends we are trying to play crazy catch up and working on the basement.  Meanwhile I’m left to run the house and survive the last few weeks of pregnancy on my own.  Neither of us can help the timing or the situation but at a time when I’m starting to feel like I really need support in this pregnancy and someone to help out, he can’t.  I know he fully would if he could but basically I’m on my own.

The thing is, I’m used to this season of busy work.   It is always annoying and I miss my Husband more at this time of year but it has never come with a belly that makes it near impossible to do things or a body that just says no to being pushed.  I’m trying to dig deep and find a balance for these last couple of weeks.

This is the final stretch in the workout, the race, the game, where you hurt and want to give up but you can’t.  Instead I just have to find a way to get to the finish line.  I have to learn to give in a little bit more, be grateful for how far I have come, accept what is, know this won’t be forever, eat the damn cookies without worrying about the calories and find the positive moments.  And if I have to, then I need to learn to ugly cry when it feels right so it doesn’t all build up.


20 thoughts on “Hitting a Brick Wall

  1. Ok… freak out. You’re allowed to. Pregnancy sucks big time but we tent to keep it a secret because we want other women to experience what it feels like to be a mom. Being a mom is different from being pregnant! I’d never trade all my sleepless nights with 2 crampy screaming babies for one night of being pregnant and not being able to breathe or LIE down on the bed properly. But look it on the plus side! People were asking me if I were about to have the baby when I was 4 months pregnant with the girls… that’s how huge I was! You’ll make it. It’ll be over soon =) Promise!

  2. My suggestion for the ugly cries are doing it in the shower, for whatever reason you seem to really be able to get it all out in the shower! Remember, you can’t stay pregnant forever, it will end. You got this!

  3. Hang in there. I’m at week 38…. Same husband situation but added toddler. I think hormones do this to us to make sure we are so happy to not be pregnant anymore we love our babies that little bit more! We can do this thing!

  4. I feel you. My husband is also rarely home right now. As for pregnancy, I can’t imagine going another month, let alone potentially over due. I like what Shelly said about how we aren’t honest about how much pregnancy sucks. Society needs to be more open about how challenging it can be – especially when your main support person is unavailable.

  5. aww friend, this last stretch has GOT to suck, especially with the Mr in such a busy time too 😦 sending you virtual hugs!! annnnd that bottle of chardonnay when baby comes!! 🙂

  6. Aww I can sympathize 100% on this. I went through the exact same struggles during pregnancy and even after. Husband challenges and all. All I can say is to let yourself cry, treat yourself to treats whenever you want, sleep when you can, get lots of hugs from your husband, occupy yourself with friends and family if you can, and be totally open with your feelings so your husband knows exactly how you feel. It will get better. I promise. 🙂

  7. I am so with you. Last night I started laughing over something stupid ended up crying and than the crying turned into overwhelming intense hormonal crying about… Who knows what. My husband and daughter just looked at me. And now my husband has left for work for two weeks. I’m on my own juggling everything while I’m super uncomfortable and just want to lay down- but can’t! Ugh. If only the Husb’s could experience this and completely understand how much we need them right now… Just to be there. Good luck girl.

  8. Sending you as much positive vibes as I can because I can only relate to the feeling. As positive as I always sound about pregnancy…I do have my moments of despair especially when it comes to our men sounding like they don’t have a care in the world while they sleep. Praying that your body is able to get enough rest during these last few weeks.

  9. I can totally relate! I hated pregnancy so much, I’m still dissociating my pregnancy with my son. There is no way he was in there causing all that pain and uncomfortability! HAHA. I will say that, although I HATED pregnancy, and would really rather not be that uncomfortable again, knowing that I can get another human as awesome as my son out of it makes me want to do it again. I know you probably hear that a lot, but from one pregnancy-hater to another, I feel you! It’s almost over!

    1. Thank you so much for saying that! Last night my husband actually said “I have no idea how I will talk you into another baby!” At this point, I have no idea either! Good thing they pop out cute:)

  10. I know how uncomfortable it can be. Try to pamper yourself, read, watch TV, eat ice cream, etc The first three months of baby’s life will test you in different ways. You’re almost there

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