Coming up on 35 weeks and I’m not going to sugar coat this for you- I’m done, I hate pregnancy, I’m tired of renting out my body and I’m hitting a brick wall. Also, I want a cold glass of chardonnay and I want it yesterday. I have no idea how my Husband will ever talk me into this pregnancy bit again.
Last night I could not quit itching, I could not get comfortable, I was over tired, felt huge and the hormones were kicking my ass. I started crying and couldn’t quit. 1am sitting in bed sobbing. I just gave in to it all while my Husband snored away from the couch, where he had fallen asleep watching TV earlier. And in that moment I hated all men for not having their own damn uterus. He got up at 3:30am to leave for work and I probably won’t see him till about 8pm tonight. We will maybe get a chance for a quick phone call during the day and I will be lucky to get a few, short texts in return to the many I will knowingly send him today. Basically, we are on two different pages right now.
His company is hitting the ground running before the snow flies and working 80-90 hour weeks and will start throwing in working some Saturdays. (Yea, we think it is cute when you complain about a 10 hour day.) The time he is home on the weekends we are trying to play crazy catch up and working on the basement. Meanwhile I’m left to run the house and survive the last few weeks of pregnancy on my own. Neither of us can help the timing or the situation but at a time when I’m starting to feel like I really need support in this pregnancy and someone to help out, he can’t. I know he fully would if he could but basically I’m on my own.
The thing is, I’m used to this season of busy work. It is always annoying and I miss my Husband more at this time of year but it has never come with a belly that makes it near impossible to do things or a body that just says no to being pushed. I’m trying to dig deep and find a balance for these last couple of weeks.
This is the final stretch in the workout, the race, the game, where you hurt and want to give up but you can’t. Instead I just have to find a way to get to the finish line. I have to learn to give in a little bit more, be grateful for how far I have come, accept what is, know this won’t be forever, eat the damn cookies without worrying about the calories and find the positive moments. And if I have to, then I need to learn to ugly cry when it feels right so it doesn’t all build up.