36 Weeks- The Guilt Factor

I’ve heard the story a million times, women who started to worry about their older children right before their new baby was born.  Call it what you will, the guilt factor, or the knowledge that life will never be the same for them. I never quite understood this.  I would always listen to the Mom’s concern but couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.  In fact, I didn’t even think that about Rebecca, until a few weeks ago.

I get it now.

The fact that our time was winding down with her as an only child was starting to weigh on me.  I haven’t worried about not having enough time for her but our time will change.  It won’t be the same.  We have had 13 years as her being the center of our world with no one else to worry about, now that is changing.  And not only is it changing in our household but my ex-husband and his wife are also expecting a baby girl a few months after us.

Rebecca is completely on board and happy with all the impending babyness.  She seems to show no signs of feeling left out or being replaced, as I’m sure most kids don’t.  It is a Mommy guilt thing, I believe.

This weekend we are having a last weekend for just us girls.  13 years of taking her to the pumpkin patch and this will be the last time it is just her and I.  From here on out there will be another child in the pictures, which sounds very exciting to me but on the other hand it is the end of a chapter.  It isn’t like we can’t go out and have plenty more one on one girl days by ourselves after the baby is born.  We can and will, which is the grace of her being much older than baby.  See how messed up this all sounds?  It is a mind game.

So what I’m saying is, I hear you other Mom’s of multiple children.  I’m sure this won’t bother me after the baby is born but right now it is just something to worry about.  So this weekend I will smother her till she is annoyed with me and rolling her eyes to be left alone.

How did you handle your second, third, etc child coming along?  Did you feel the same way?

5 thoughts on “36 Weeks- The Guilt Factor

  1. I was insanely jealous of my younger brother (5 year age difference), but when I was 10 and my youngest brother was born, he was my doll! I would wake up with him, feed him, I mean, I loved that poor kid to death. I think when you have an older child, it’s a lot different bc the age gap is so wide there is not much room for jealousy–you are happy to be just mommy’s helper. My mom said that my youngest brother was the baby she enjoyed the most because she had me to help her out.

    1. Awh that is super sweet. And I think you are right, the age gap is so huge that there is no need for jealousy. No matter what the older one gets a completely different amount of attention, stuff, outings, etc.

  2. This must be a “third trimester” thought. I don’t have other children but I did recently start thinking about how it will be different if we have more. Preparing for delivery would be different, coming home, everything. I’m glad you’ve realized and are cherishing the pumpkin patch time!

    1. I think you are right that is is certainly a “third trimester” thing. Because man, are there a lot of those. Your brain can make up so much! I can’t imagine at this point doing this with a toddler as well. Big high fives to those moms going through that right now!

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