As the days drew closer and closer to our wedding date, three years ago, people offered up all sorts of advice. Some I found quite amusing seeing as I had already been married and divorced. My Husband started to get annoyed by some of the age old comments and advice and was ready for the wedding itself to come and go so he didn’t have to hear it anymore. Mainly he was tired of hearing how his life was soon to be over and I was tired of hearing how eventually this marriage would be no different from my first. It was a lot of the “Oh, you just wait.”
I remember having many conversations about this with my Husband prior to our wedding. Everyone has a different perspective to share about marriage. Some don’t have the best perspective to share due to their experience and others do have valid points to the advice that they give. Truth be told my Husband and I have managed marriage pretty well on our own terms. His life did not end when he said “I do.” He didn’t lose his right to speak or have an opinion and I didn’t take away his toys. In turn, this marriage is nothing like my last and I don’t regret getting married for a second time. I will never say marriage is easy but I like to keep in mind the good days and not the nights where I’m yelling at him to once again take out the trash.
Parenting is much like this. You spend 9 months with a growing belly, instead of just a sparkling new diamond on your finger, and everyone wants to offer you advice. Unfortunately, once again, a lot of that advice ends with how your life will never be the same and it is essentially over. Along the way we have found who among our friends is in the supportive circle and who just wants us to join their pity party. And remember, this isn’t my first rodeo at parenting so I don’t want to hear the “Oh, you just wait.” Once again, I’m not saying parenting is easy but I like to remember all the good days with Rebecca and not the nights she puked up bottle after bottle on me because holy acid reflux.
Remember that perspective thing? It keeps happening every time a life event happens and my Husband and I are going into this parenting thing on our own terms. And you know what, I don’t think our life is going to end. I don’t think our lives are going to be over. We are not going into parenting together freaked out, concerned and stressed. But that is our household. Our family. How we handle things. Which may be different from your story, your household, your marriage, your newborn phase. And that is okay.
Everyone talks about supporting one another but do we? We stand on the outside of someones home assuming we know whats going on in the inside. It feels like people are watching to see your marriage fail so they can say I told you so. It feels like they are watching your parenting to say I told you so.
I know my Husband and I will weather tough times in our marriage just as we will weather tough times in parenting, just as we have weathered tough times in this pregnancy but that is what we signed up for. There are good days and bad days, not the end of days. We did not sign up for unicorns shitting out glitter. We are choosing to be positive about what is in our near future because we have been on the flip side. We have also watched a lot of our friends go through some incredibly hard times in parenting lately. Things that no parent should have to do and decisions that no parent should have to make. It has given us perspective. Yes, even perspective on not getting such a long shower and having some sleepless nights because life could be worse and these phases end.
We all have a platform on our blogs to vent, to discuss, ask questions, and show support. I have blogged in real terms, to me, what my pregnancy has been like for me and my Husband, knowing damn well what the alternative is. Prior to my pregnancy, I have written about my marriage, in real terms and prior to that I wrote about my divorce in real terms. I will continue to write about our journey in parenting, not covered in glitter and edited photos but real life for us. Outside of this pregnancy story I have shared with you, I have still carried on with a life, friendships, marriage and managed to get my laundry done. This pregnancy has not stopped our lives from happening.
So here is to the next phase in our lives and the next phase in the lives of many of you who read this. Go into that phase how you choose to and make it a happy positive one. We are lucky to have this opportunity. Just remember, the bad days will pass, and your life is not over. A new chapter is just beginning to add to your story.
3 thoughts on “38 Weeks – Perspective on Parenting”
I LOVE this friend. You are bucking the norm, the trends, the cliched advice and rose-colored glasses some people have going into something as big as parenthood and obviously you have done this before and KNOW what’s up, I mean really. The unsolicited advice in life can be so grating, can’t it? You have such good perspective going into this, and would hope if we ever take the plunge (ya know, before we get too old as if we aren’t old already LOL), you’d be the model I’d want to go after, that mindset, vs. the scared holy life change mindset I currently have about that sort of thing 😉
This is so true. People love to give advice, and most often it is negative. Sometimes I feel like people around me like to have a competition of who had the most negative experience. My husband and I went through the same thing when we got married 2 years ago. Now we are expecting and are constantly inundated with negative advice about all the horrible things that can and will happen when you have a baby. It’s exhausting – you never have time to be happy for these wonderful milestones. Marriage, babies, family – should be celebrated.
You are so right, it should all be celebrated! Life is short and these milestones don’t come often enough! They should be embraced!