There is an everyday struggle as a parent to wonder if you are doing things right. You question the decisions and choices you make for your little one. You will even go to bed at night and wonder if it was all enough or even close to right.
This morning I dropped Cora off at daycare and walked away wondering if we are making the best child care decision. We have been with our provider for over a month and while it started out fine I feel like things are going a bit downhill. We like her but I’m not entirely in love with her.
Cora never cries when we drop her off and seems happy to be there but we have had some issues. She will have long crying spells during the day and will take crappy naps. I feel like I receive more bad texts from the provider than good ones throughout the day. Then there are the times I feel like I have “that baby.” The crying baby. I don’t have “that baby” at home.
This morning I was exhausted, frustrated, woke up on the wrong side of the bed and everything that came out of my providers mouth pissed me off. I didn’t care to hear, for the 40th time, about her child’s cough and I didn’t need her questioning me, for the 40th time, about my child’s cold. She calls the pediatrician at least three times a week and doesn’t understand why I make a call to my chiropractor instead. My baby has a runny nose and probably some allergy issues like I do but is otherwise happy and I’m not just sticking her on meds. Basically the provider is a bit of a hypochondriac and it wears me down.
I discovered last week, she wasn’t getting Cora down for enough naps which means she is over-tired a lot. (Hence crying) I know part of the other problem is the noise level, and she agrees. The TV is blaring, kids are playing, and we just don’t have that noise level in our home. Cora can’t eat with commotion around, let alone sleep. Although yes, I want Cora around other kids, other people to care for her and with that comes noise and change. That part is fine.
I don’t know if Cora’s crying issues are connected to the provider or just being away from mamma in general. I don’t know if I’m just being a worry Mom because no matter what, no one else can be me. I also think my previous experience of being in the child care world means that I have certain expectations.
Overall, I know my baby is fine, safe and being cared for during the day. 75% of me is fine with her current provider. It is that nagging 25% that is starting to bother me each day. The thought of finding another provider is overwhelming. I don’t know if I keep waiting it out and see what changes or do something. I feel like I have had talk after talk with my provider as well about ideas, changes, thoughts and so on. So dear internet, help. Am I losing my mind? What were you experiences with child care in the beginning?
21 thoughts on “The Best Child Care Decision”
Oh momma! I understand and relate 100% to what you wrote…and that’s that my mother watches both of my kids. I am extremely grateful that it’s my mom watching them, but it WEARS ME DOWN sometimes. As with everything, there are pros and cons to my childcare situation. One of the biggest cons I feel is that she always has something to say. I know her intentions are good, but sometimes I just want to say, “Please don’t say anything! They’re MY children!” But I keep my mouth shut because of the drama that this would unfold. I unfortunately don’t have any words of wisdom for you as I feel like childcare is STRESSFUL for me too (especially when Zion won’t take a bottle and hardly eats anything all day), but what I will say is, you are not alone! Hoping that the 25% starts to calm down and gives you a break, and that your provider does too.
Thank you for sharing! It isn’t an option to have either of our Mom’s watch Cora and probably a good thing because I feel it would be the same scenario that you are in! Drama indeed:) Child care was my number one stressor when I was pregnant and for good reason. I know I’m not the only one, I just don’t want to be the helicopter, freak out parent but darn that nagging feeling! I want to feel 100% okay every time I drop her off!
I’m with you on wanting to feel 100%!! I don’t want to pick up my children thinking what complaints I will get today. Realistically, I guess not receiving complaints ever would be unrealistic. 😑
How many kids is she keeping? Hate to ask but what are the 25% nagging things? Trying to figure out if it’s normal worrying stuff or something more.
She keeps up to 6 kiddos. Only one younger than Cora. Her own kiddo is 18 months old.
The 25% is the constant texting throughout the day about what could calm the baby down, have I noticed her cough or runny nose or tried this, that or the other. Nit picking over what MIGHT be wrong with her. When a lot of it is discussed in the mornings when I drop her off. Hate to sound weird but this is her job, figure it out? It puts a lot of stress on me at work.
There is a lot of discussion (gossip almost) during pick up/drop off about other kiddos and their parenting style so it makes me wonder what she thinks about mine? Also, just inappropriate.
Then the constant complaining about how she is ready for a glass of wine at the end of the day. Aren’t we all? But don’t voice it to the parents.
Yes that is her job to figure out away to calm her down.
Also she kind of sounds like she is in need of adult conversation so she is just non stop. I remember when I stayed home I craved adult conversation. But she should not be talking about everything.
In my opinion I really don’t see anything to be alarmed with. Normally I would tell you if your gut instinct is telling you to pull her then I would but just with these things I don’t see it. Maybe that she’s watching 6 might be to much for her.
Sorry if this isn’t helpful. It’s hard but it does get a little easier.
It is helpful. I do completely agree that she needs adult interaction and has said as much. She is in her late 20’s and I think her age plays a bit of a factor sometimes as well. Her own kiddo seems to be a bit of a handful (found drinking toilet water the other day) and I think she is a bit overwhelmed. I’m sure a lot of it is just nit picking stuff in my head, I think I’m just getting sick of the same little crap, if that makes sense?
Yep that makes perfect sense!! It would get on my nerves! I have a mother in law who does that perfectly!!
Drink toilet water – I don’t think I would of told anyone that!!
Just keep an eye open and you should be good!
Now help me with Notch still not potting outside all the time!!! HA HA
Haha that part of training is never fun. Treats, treats and treats. And take him outside every 30 minutes and after he eats. That was the easiest part for us. I know I won’t be that lucky next time.
What’s sad is I do all of that. But sometimes he comes in and pees. It’s night time when he does it the most. He sleeps with me and husband. Most of the time I feel him get up and take him out but sometimes he doesn’t walk over me to get up!! Nothing like a 55+ dog walking on you when you are sleeping!!
oh no! You poor thing. Have you thought about talking to a dog trainer? We eventually did obedience classes and it was the best thing we could have done. Learned so many great tricks and helpful tips.
Yes we did that at PetSmart but he was always so good in class . He is good but he still tries to jump up on me and he is so strong – almost always pushes me over! We had to do the shock collar but lucky it has a setting only for sound so that’s the one I use to get him to mind. Oh you should see him play with my Yorkie Bella his whole mouth goes over her head but they love playing with each other. Heck sometimes she goes after him and he starts crying. Crazy kids well one – one fixing to graduate!! – are gone and now my animals are my entertainment!!
They are the best type of entertainment too! We did the Petsmart one as well and Fenway still jumps but not near as bad. It did help us immensely with the leash and a few other snatching habits. Its nice he has a buddy to play with !
I can’t speak to an in home provider as both of my kids go to a center but we have the same sort of issues. Brady takes crappy naps there as well, 30-40 minutes 3 times per day. Occasionally he will take an hour and 20 min 2nd nap, which he did yesterday and was awesome. But I am a sleeping nazi and ask that they put Brady to sleep every 2-2.75 hours because he is a baby and he NEEDS to take those naps. I think Cora is probably crying because like you said she is overtired and probably too overstimulated with the kids screaming, tv blaring, etc. And she has a runny nose and cough along with the other million children that are in daycare. Your DCP can’t find that as alarming it just happens. Your not going crazy at all. Yes, you may be comfortable with 75% of her but 25% of a nagging feeling is something to think about. You want to be 100% comfortable with dropping her off each morning and to me, 25% of a nagging feeling is enough to at least explore other options if that is something you can try to do. I’m also with you 100% that it is her job as a DCP to figure out how to calm Cora down and make her happy. If she thinks now is bad just wait till Cora hits the mega separation anxiety stage in a couple months…. I’m sorry girl, it shouldn’t be this difficult and it’s not needed for you during the day. Also, if my DCP talked to me about other parents and their styles I would be appalled. Like, you watch their kids (as well as mine) each day. Grow the fuck up. She just seems immature in my opinion.
Can we sit down with a glass of wine and high five a whole lot? 🙂 Thank you so much for saying this. I agree with them needing naps! Soooo important and sorry, but it makes my life a lot easier in the evenings/nights to handle her when she has had proper naps during the day. I need my “village” to be able to handle their duties, especially when I’m at work so I can, you know, work. After chatting with my Husband we know that our options are very slim right now but we are going to keep our eyes and ears open to see if something else may come along.
I was so stressed about childcare before I had E. Like you, I did not want a daycare center. By sheer luck, I was able to set something up with the wife of a former colleague of my mom’s. She is AMAZING. I absolutely love her and she adores E. She recently came back from Costa Rica (her home country) and brought him a onesie. She watches no one else but him. Her kids are in school during the day (9 and 13) and my parents pick E up before her kids get home so it’s the perfect situation. On the days that Eric is off, he watches him. It’s been such a blessing to find a daycare situation that works for us. But I hear you on the naps thing! When our nanny was gone, my in laws watched him and they said he didn’t want to nap! He was having too much fun…what a concept. Poor guy was so tired. Might be better to find a stay at home mom who could help you out?
That is awesome that you found someone that works so well! It is such a huge stressor. I do want someone that has kiddos around. Cora freakin loves her friends at daycare. She is so high energy and really needs the interaction. I think at this point I’m just going to keep eyes and ears open for someone else. Small town makes it so damn hard. Options are slim. Thankfully this week it has gone much better day by day. Fingers crossed!
YES! I would love that! I’ll bring the bottles. 🙂
Hummm, I think 25% of doubts is too high, IMHO. My kid is in a center and I love it…he’s super happy there and they’ve *never* called me or said anything negative about his behavior (you can schedule conferences with the teachers whenever you want to discuss things in depth). I know you used to work in a center and so understand the pluses and minuses of the different options. I would say I am 95% pleased with my childcare, and have 5% doubts. I should also say this is the most expensive childcare in our town of 130,000, so we’re paying through the f’ing nose for it. We aren’t rich and can ill afford it, but I just wasn’t comfortable with anything else. Childcare decisions are seriously difficult to make.
Thanks for sharing Violet! Glad you were able to find some place you are happy with for your kiddo! I would never say centers are bad, but they do have their plus and minuses. We are in a town of only 8,000 people with two centers. I’ve worked at both. One I would never place my kiddo into and the other has a wait list of over a year. So that pretty much gives us zero options. Ugh. And for a lot of reasons, driving her into the city with me to a facility isn’t an option. I think we are just going to have to keep our eyes and ears open for something I can feel 100% with.