You know, I had this post about how having a baby hasn’t killed my marriage. People warn you of that, how having a baby changes your marriage. Of course it does! So does building a home, losing a job, changing jobs, getting married, losing a parent, moving states and a million other things. Everything that happens in life changes your marriage, not just having a baby. If having a child ruins your marriage, well, you didn’t have a good one to start with. Truth.
Here I thought we were doing fine. I mean, we have our days and nights, for that matter, where we get snippy and annoyed with one another. We have resentment when one feels like they are doing more than the other, waking up more at night, changing more diapers, working longer hours or has more snot on their shirt. Our sex life isn’t non-existent, it isn’t what it was before but nothing that makes me worry. We carve out time for sex, dates, talks that don’t include just the baby and the hubby reminds me that I’m beautiful and I make sure to smack his ass and tell him he looks good on the way out the door.
I thought we were good.
I thought I was juggling this parenting, marriage, work, hubby crazy hours thing okay.
Cue Sunday night.
Cue pure exhaustion from a baby with hand, foot, mouth disease. Nights of no sleep. Trying to make the best of Father’s Day for the hubby.
Cue wine that went straight to my head.
Cue a husband that made an off-hand remark that just snapped me. Any other time I would have laughed. I took the baby for a bath instead and cried.
By the time we went to bed, well, I don’t know how the talk started. We shouldn’t have had a talk like this when I was this tired and drinking but he kept going.
We went to bed with all these words and questions hanging in the air. I spent the next couple of days with a sick, clingy, baby and he left to work out of town. This left me with time to be pissed, over think, be frustrated and annoyed.
We didn’t discuss it on the phone or via text because that is a rule of ours. Serious talks need to be had face to face. So when he came home last night, we put the baby to bed, handed the monitor to my sister and took off on a walk to hash things out.
One mile later, we were back on the same page. We had ventured too far off the page from one another. While I’m good about verbalizing what is wrong, he is not as good. Mainly because if he doesn’t stop and think about his words, they come out really wrong and create more of an issue. Which is what happened Sunday night.
A mile after that we were back to normal, catching up on the past couple of days. We were back to where I knew our marriage was at but sometimes we need to stop and self check a bit better with one another.
We have chosen to be very mindful of having a marriage separate from being parents. We don’t want to lose “us” in the day to day of raising a child. Some days that is harder than others when a baby consumes a lot of our energy and time but we make it work. But what happens in our marriage influences us as parents and that changes our family as a whole.
How has having a kiddo changed your marriage?