Ups and Downs of Marriage

Forget parenting.

Forget work decisions and career options.

Forget trying to figure out a household budget.

You know what is hard and sometimes just fucking weird?  Marriage.

You can literally want to love someone so hard and smother them to death all in one day.  Or one hour. Sometimes you just have to take it all minute by minute.

This past weekend, while away at my Mom’s, I didn’t sleep.  The room we were sleeping in, with the tiny bed, was too hot.  The baby was sharing a room with us and not sleeping.  My Husband was once again snoring.  I was coming down with bronchitis.  My Husband was zero fucking help.  Could he not get up off his ass to play with the baby? Could he not realize she needs lunch?  Could he not see that she was ready to start the house on fire or run away with the dog? Why am I the only parenting?  Oh my God, did he just fall asleep again? I hear him snoring somewhere within this house.  Does he not know I am SICK?  I feel like hell!

I snapped at him a few times. Won’t lie.

We drove home.  I think he knew I was pissed.  I try to not have “talks” in front of my sister or anyone else.  So we drove in silence.

We got home and he unloaded the truck, immediately unpacked everyone’s suitcases, mowed the yard, took my truck and thoroughly cleaned it, inside and out.  He became super helpful.  Took over every baby duty.  Entertained her.  Kept her from hanging on me as I coughed up a couple of lungs.

Apparently we didn’t need to communicate what happened over our weekend.  He knew.  I knew.  We didn’t need to hash it out.  He was now trying to fix it.  Because sometimes in marriage, words aren’t needed.  Actions do speak louder than words.

And yet we choose one human, out of all the humans, to cough on, snore next to, raise kids with, yell at, love with, and everything in between.  Some moments are good, some are shit, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

8 thoughts on “Ups and Downs of Marriage

  1. Absolutely! Actions are so important and he obviously picked up on the vibe, clever man! Mine is like that too, he picks up when I am sad/mad/annoyed etc without having to say to much. I also try to notice the small things he does too, makes those times I am annoyed at him a bit easier, if he wasn’t around, who would turn the heater on for me in winter so when I get up for work it os nice and cosy!!

  2. Agreed 100% We are doing home renovations right now and there have been a lot of little spats or him being a general a$$hole when he’s stressed out about them. We can be at each other’s throats for 3/4 of the day and I usually go into quiet mode and once it finally sinks in to him that I’m barely speaking to him, he usually comes up for a hug, or do something goofy to lighten the mood. Often I’ve been so tempted to post husband rant type posts, but I have friends that read my blog on occasion and I don’t need them to know what goes on or judge him for what is basically a standard, typical thing in a marriage with a new baby in the mix too. I love that you were ballsy enough to say what we all feel, often, in a marriage! 🙂

    1. Trust me, I often don’t want to post marriage rants either because we do all have them! It doesn’t mean a marriage is bad or going down the tubes but in general I just try not to bitch about my husband. Sometimes though….well, it was nothing I didn’t say to his face:) Haha!

  3. I think this holds true even for those without kids (cough, me, cough) and it just amplifies it x1000 when you DO have kids. It gives me some perspective too, to not ‘take for granted’ the little tiffs and things because we do have the ability to work through them without the extra complications or layers that kids can add to a marriage. And I commend you on your approach to ‘talks’ and not doing that in front of others. So right on friend. xo

    1. You are so right! Everyone has those moments in their marriage. Every additional thing in your marriage is another reason to want to strangle them some days:) Good thing we love them:)

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