There was a small situation that came from Cora’s first birthday party, involving social media and well, my child. Let me preface this by saying, I’m not to bothered by people posting photos of her. Everyday I post a photo of her on Instagram (private account) and occasionally on Facebook. We have a lot of family, all over, that love to see her photos and they will let me hear about it if I miss a day. So in general, I’m not bothered.
The day of her party we obviously took a ton of pictures and then tossed our phones to the side when we weren’t using them. I’m not one to post photos of an outing/event until later in the evening or after said outing/event because I’m enjoying the moment. No big deal. However, at one point during her birthday party, my Husband waved his phone at me to get me to look at my own phone. He was pointing out that our Facebook was blowing up with notifications. Someone at the party was already posting pictures of Cora. Cora with them, Cora eating her first cupcake, Cora opening gifts.
Later that evening, with just a few friends left, we were drinking and someone brought it up. The friend that posted them has some boundary issues and I realized all over again I was flat out hurt by this and it takes a lot to hurt my feelings. I wanted to post her first birthday photos first. Then others could. That seems to be a general understanding amongst my friends with kids but not with her. For the record she has three of her own kids. There are moments that I want to be the one to put the photos out there first. Is it petty? Maybe. But once again, the boundary lines are tough with this person. So I think it is compounding.
There was something else to it too. My Mom didn’t get a single photo with Cora that day. Cora isn’t a big fan of people and hates to be pushed to sit with people. Obviously it was an overwhelming day. No one fought her for a photo, including my Mom, except for this friend. So congrats, you posted a photo, with my child, on her first birthday, in a moment that you bribed her for, but my Mom didn’t. It just nagged at me. So much so that my Husband then posted something to Facebook, which is very unlike him, and all hell broke loose. I made him take it down and she texted me knowing damn well it was about her.
So I explained to her that my feelings were hurt and apologized for the Facebook post and so forth. Long story short, she must have missed the point completely. In fact, I know she did. The problem being, she likes to hijack my life.
There was a time, before I had Cora, I took a break from Facebook. It was life changing. I wish it were that easy now. I then would feel bad for the family that is only on there and not on Instagram. We are talking the grandparents, great aunts and uncles, second cousins and people who truly look forward to the videos and pictures. This is their way of seeing her grow up and isn’t it great that we live in a time that they can see this! It does come with us price though.
But seriously, give me my moments with my kid first. Is that too much to ask?
Through My Mistakes 
That “friend” was/is my Mother-in-law – even to this day when my kids are 18 and almost 20! Drives me crazy!
At least it isn’t a family member. Actually, maybe that would make it easier…
This is so frustrating to read. I wish the usual “I apologize to hear this” would do something. I wish it were easy too. It gets complicated when it involves children. We have to be the example of how to handle problems. It sounds like you’ve handled the situation maturely, and you are NOT asking for too much. She is your daughter. That is your place NOT hers. It’s unfortunate to say, but some people (I’ve had a few of those in my life, luckily, they were friends and I could just never talk to them again) just suck at life. Sending you smooth sailing soon!
You completely get it:) Thanks!
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It would be like posting pictures of people’s wedding before they get to, or any other type of milestone or special occasion! I have a rule that if the person whose event it is hasn’t posted photos, then I don’t. Your friend sounds like the typical ‘all about me’ social media user. The one who has to post so all the attention is on her profile etc. So rude!
You 100% hit the nail on the head. Generally you wait until the main person posts. Makes sense?! Unless you need the attention first. She is one that needs to immediately “check” us in somewhere and we have to follow it up with a posted selfie THEN we can begin dinner, drinks, talking, etc. Very rude indeed.
Before H was born we had to give specific instructions to our entire family that we were going to be the first people to post his picture online. Everyone seemed to respect and understand that. Except my Aunt’s boyfriend who we aren’t really that close to. When we sent out the mass text to introduce H to everyone, he immediately saved the picture and posted it on facebook and tagged us in it. Nobody knew that I was even at the hospital to have him and now this announcement from someone else came before we could say anything. My husband immediately messaged him asking him to take it down right away and explained why. He apologized and took it down. But seriously. Who does that?? It is really quite sad these days that we have to actually give people rules on sharing our children/big events on social media before we do. I actually didn’t mind it when people posted pictures of our wedding, because we didn’t get our wedding pictures from our photographer until 2 months after, so it was something to look at for the memories. Plus, if anyone is like me, they like to be nosey and see other’s weddings on facebook and it drives me nuts when I know someone has gotten married and I can’t go snoop lol. But, in saying that, I went to a wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom specifically requested their guests do not share pictures on social media until they shared a few of their own first. People behaved and listened. With social media being so rampant these days, it is tough to navigate through. There is so much even we, as adults, have to learn about respect and courtesy when using things like facebook or instagram.
ugh!! I hate that!! That’s like when I see wedding pics of people and wonder if the bride and groom really wanted their first wedding pics to be from OTHER people at their wedding, not them first. Just rude and totally a boundary thing.
Right?! I thought I was maybe being weird about it but when everyone else at the party noticed and agreed then I figured I wasn’t losing it. It is the same person we always have boundary issues with though….