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When I was pregnant I wrote about how people assumed you should love their kid because you are pregnant.  Wrong.  It was such a weird phenomenon. Turns out, it just keeps on getting better….I mean worse.

I may be in the minority but just because I have a kid doesn’t mean I like kids.  Or I should be more specific and say I don’t like all kids.  I mean, I did coach gymnastics for years and worked in daycare for years but then kids kinda burned me out and so did their parents so that is why I’m in the insurance world now.  Now my clients wear me out and act like children.

I digress.  I’m not a person who likes to stick my kid on others.  Also, my kids hates all people so that means I can’t really stick her on anyone to begin with.  Having a kid people assume you will automatically be a second set of eyes for their kid.  Especially in public.  Hey, I’m going to just go over here and grab my towel, have a conversation with my friend by the pool but I’m sure you will let me know if my child is ready to fall into the water.  I actually have my own kid to watch and this is mommy and me swim lessons, not social hour.

Just because I have a kid in my cart at the store doesn’t mean I will excuse your child when they won’t get out of my way.  Is it cute when little Susie is skipping down the aisle at Target, singing a song, in her own world, not paying attention?  Yes, because you are a good parent who apologizes and guides Susie to her own side of the aisle so we can pass.  Is it cute when little Susie purposely won’t get the fuck out of my way and wants to play a game of chicken on purpose?  Nope.  Please, dear mother, don’t give me that look that says “kids will be kids.”  No, instead tell your kid to show some respect and move their butt.  I have a cranky kid ready for a nap, low on puffs and I’m trying to haul ass through Target.

Before we had kids my friends were not in the habit of bringing their children to my home.  They would normally ask if it was a kid friendly event that I was having before they brought them.  That was cool and for our larger parties I have always announced that kids were not welcome or were welcomed.  I’m rude that way but it seriously depended on the tone of the party.  Since having a baby around people assume it is always okay to bring their children.  They also assume it is a free for all for their kids to go in and destroy play with all of my child’s toys.  Nothing has changed since our baby arrived.  I still don’t like some of their children and still don’t want them in my house.  They carry germs, disease, eat all my food, (and then bitch about my food) and tear the crap out of my house.  Also, my kid lives here so she is naturally going to be around for wine night.  I have no choice in that.  I have a choice in your child being here.  The answer is no.

This is repetitive from my initial pregnant post but there is always the over share person.  The person who you sit next to at the doctor’s office, work or the random acquaintance that you run into at the grocery store.  They see your kid and think it is fine to start pulling out pictures of their own kids/grandkids/niece/nephew/twice removed dog and start telling story after story about them.  Let me just say, I’m not a total hater, I don’t mind swapping war stories with another mother but you know who I’m talking about.  The people who don’t know when to stop, what is appropriate and THEN, with that story, they somehow sneak in a way of how you are probably parenting wrong.

Having a kid at your hip, like being pregnant, opens up a world of crap that people assume about you.  They bust in on your bubble and assume an open book.  Hey, we might all be in the same boat called parenting but it doesn’t mean I want to be that close to your kid.  Hell, I don’t even like my own kid some days.