I do not always have my shit together

I was up all night with Cora, again.

We rocked in the rocker for a couple of hours, again.

She would scream hysterically when I laid her down, again.

Teething has reared its ugly head, again.

I’m tired, again.

Recently someone asked me how I always had my shit together.  I laughed.  I don’t.

There are days I’m too exhausted to care.  I come home from work and put on last nights dirty workout clothes. Some nights it is a frozen pizza instead of whatever was planned out earlier in the week.  I run on a large latte from the drive thru in the mornings.  I snap at my husband for not hearing the hysterical screaming through the baby monitor the night before. I want to cry at my desk.  I feel guilt for being happy to drop the baby off at daycare and then miss her during the day.

I do not always have my shit together.

I wish my sister could put her water glass in the dishwasher at night.  I wish my husband would pick his pajamas up off the floor and at least toss them on the bed.  Why am I the only one to put a new Kleenex box out? I have meals to think about, lunches to pack, floors to scrub, dog food to stop and buy, a dog to walk, a workout to shove in at night for my sanity and books that pile up to read.  My Mom calls to tell me that Rebecca is having a boy. I don’t know what to do with the information so I shove it to the side like other things.

I do not always have my shit together.

I work at a job that means nothing to me but I give it 100%. I work to increase my sales, market and tend to our current customers.  I also look for new jobs occasionally in case I am missing the perfect opportunity.  I remind myself that my career is on the back burning and that was part of the deal to only working part-time.  Raising Cora comes first.  I stop looking at jobs and accept what I am doing, again.

I do not always have my shit together.

A few weeks ago my husband tells me he feels as though I do not appreciate how hard he works for this family.  I do tell him this often but in that moment he didn’t feel valued.  I had a hard time validating his feelings, I won’t lie.  He is a good Dad, a good provider, he works his ass off for us BUT then bad mornings happen and bad days happen and mamma over here is doing everything else.  And suddenly I’m having days where my shit is not together because I have a lot on my plate that a lot of other women have.  As women we are still managing a house, a family, a career, meals, oil changes, bills, babysitters and back-up babysitters, and, and, and…..a mounting list of other things.

So on the days where you feel like you don’t have your shit together, that is okay.  Remind yourself you are doing the best that you can and then support another woman.

Tomorrow I will probably have my shit back together and you will too.  Tomorrow I will get out the door on time, bags packed, house picked up, dinner set out to make when I get home, and I will be happy to see my husband walk through the door. The baby will sleep through the night, I will get in a good workout and happily go to bed.  It will feel as if my shit is back together.  It does happen.  Those days do out weigh the bad days.

As for today, I need a nap. Cheers to all the hard working women out there today.