I haven’t made it a secret that I’m just not in to the whole mommy group thing. Mainly because I can’t find one and my kiddo hates people. However a friend on FB posted that she was looking to start a mommy group or needed someone to just hang out with because she is a SAHM of three kids. Our husband’s were deployed together and they come to a lot of our parties. The hubs and I have gone to dinner with them a few times but aside from that, the men are more friends. However, I was all for spending some outside of the house time together to entertain our kids! So we started a mommy group of two:)
Our first meet-up was at a kids gym and the place is genius. Our kids didn’t play together but that’s okay. They ran around and wore themselves down. It was nice to get out of the house on a Monday in the dead of winter.
We have since had a couple more meet-ups and I see some problems arising that I feared would. She talks. A lot. Which is fine, except it is about their marriage and how bad it is. Constantly. In front of the kids. I mean, I should be getting paid a therapists rate. I have tried changing the subject but other subjects have become a problem and all of this is stuff I don’t find appropriate to be said in front of kids. I’m beginning to think she has one topic and that is anything that is filled with drama. Can we just talk about teething for a minute instead? Because fuck teething.
Through out these meet-ups, Cora and her 2 1/2 year old are slowly playing together a bit more but we do have the problem that her daughter is a bit more drama filled and lacks some manners. (Her mamma used these words before I did!) You get that with any age group and it is a good learning time but if mamma isn’t using it for a teaching moment then…it becomes an issue. Especially when my kid is getting the brunt end of the screaming, hitting, non toy sharing.
Which leads me to yesterday where I felt that neither Cora or I wanted to go hang out with them. We just went to their house to play and she stayed glued to my lap and my ears were burning on the topics at hand. We skipped out early and headed for Panera instead.
I feel for this woman in her marriage, I do. We all need someone to talk with but I think there is a time and a place. I would be much more apt to letting her vent if it were over a glass of wine without little ears present. It seems each meet-up is going downhill a bit more and I’m wondering where and when the line should be drawn? Or is this just normal in a mommy group of two? I don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of this mommy world stuff.
Through My Mistakes 
I am struggling to find other mums myself. I am having a meet up on Thursday with a few, so we will see how that goes.
I hate when people vent about their relationships ALL the time and definitely NOT appropriate in front of the kids. Little ears are listening. Especially if she isn’t doing anything about it. Also, way awkward for when you catch up with both of them at a bbq.
Bad behaviour that isn’t being dealt with is something I won’t put up with. I understand kids are kids, but I can’t stand parents not using it as a teaching moment and just ignoring it.
Too bad we couldn’t have a mummy group 😂 I would love to talk about lots of things, including how much teething sucks arse and how good wine is.
I don’t really see my original “mommy group” much anymore since we all returned back to work in August and time to see each other is minimal. But when we do actually arrange a meet up none of us ever talk badly about our marriages or fill the time with drama. Sure, we make jokes about useless things our husbands do or don’t do, but it is with a laugh and then we move on. We talk about our kids, we talk about being tired, about figuring out the work/life balance, about our jobs, so many different things. The conversation stays this way with or without the kids around. I would feel the exact same way as you if the group started to make the drama-filled turn into relationship venting constantly. I will be exiting as fast as I can if it came to that. Sure, I like to vent about my husband sometimes, but I have one or two select friends that I have known a long time who I can do this to and it’s usually done via text message so I can let it out and then I’m done and ready to move on.
It sounds as though this mom’s daughter has taken on board her mother’s traits and she likely doesn’t realize that the “dramatics and lack of manners” are actually not good and she’s missing a very teachable moment. I definitely wouldn’t blame you if you decided to stop seeing this person and continuing on with her in your life as part of a “couples friend” instead of a mommy group friend.
I’m really picky about who I spend my time with when it comes to other moms. I’ve recently found that I’m picky about parenting styles because if my child is watching other children get away with things they can’t get away with, you bet I’m going to be asked why, and sometimes I just don’t want to deal with the questions. Does that make me selfish? Also, the drama! I have enough of my own to deal with, I don’t need other people’s as I tend to take it on as my own.
Sometimes my husband thinks I’m weird because I don’t hangout with people, but I’m just picky. I’ve finally accepted that my time is valuable and I can’t bring myself to waste it on someone who doesn’t help me grow in a positive way.
I really appreciate you sharing this. It makes me feel less crazy and selfish.
Awkward!!!!! I have quickly discovered that you can’t base a friendship on the fact that you have kids. There has to be something else that is the primary reason to get to know another mummy!
Ughhh presssed reply too soon!! I have found bigger groups of mums gathering can result in competitive type talk too.
Oh baby A was doing this at 5 months…oh but my Baby B was flying at 5 months…really? Well my baby went to space at 5 months.
HATE all that!
Went to space at 5 months. I’m dying, that is hilarious but so true! Ha! I thought since we got along in other settings it would be okay for a few hours a week but clearly not! They are certainly a couple that is one way together and another when separated.
I always feel on the outside of any “mom group” when my son and I go to activities. I’m not a SAHM so I don’t make every event. I feel guilty- must my son is at most with my mother or the nanny- but I feel judged b/c I’m not there and on the outside because literally NO ONE talks to me unless I initiate. It is so catty and cliquey. Hi, I don’t need high school in my life.
Regarding the marriage bashing- that is stressful. I wouldn’t want that stress in my life- I could understand talking once about it to vent but constantly with no other communication. I couldn’t handle the negativity. Good luck Mama.
Ugh that would make it super tough. I’m with ya on the high school drama. Been there, done that, don’t need it back! Can’t out kids just get together and snot on one another?
I agree, there is a healthy way to want to vent about when your husband didn’t do the dishes vs your husband repeatedly has an affair. So uncomfortable and I just don’t care for that to be in my bubble:)