I hate bedtime with my child

There I said it, I hate putting my child to bed.

Yes, it is true.  That magical time that parents talk about at the end of their day, I fucking hate it.  I know, I’m in the minority and some of you are sitting there thinking I have got to be the worst parent on earth.  I get why you might like it, I used to like it.  Past tense.

I also believe all problems in the middle east would be solved if we sent toddlers to negotiate with the terrorists.  Because seriously, the tactics these kids have ALL day and then it comes to bedtime and there is a whole other level of crazy and seriously, I’m all for world peace.

My toddler is a good kid. Seriously, as far as toddlers go, I can’t complain too often but every mamma has her limit and mine is at the end of the day.  It is at the end when I spent all day patiently repeating myself to the point I might as well have been talking to a rock.

Put your shoes on.  Put your shoes on.  Seriously, please put your shoes on.  Are you listening?  Did you hear me?  Put your shoes on. Fine, don’t wear shoes.

Eat dinner.  Take a bite of dinner.  Aren’t you hungry?  Eat your dinner.  Do not give it to the dog.  Do you want dinner? Fine, go to bed starving.

Go to the bathroom.  Go to the bathroom.  Go to the bathroom.  Dude, pee before bed.  Seriously, the bathroom, go there.  I will give you candy corn if you go pee.  FUCKING GO TO THE bathroom. Fine, pee the bed.

Lets get your pajamas on.  Put your pajamas on.  Can you please put your foot in.  No, it isn’t naked time.  No running. Get back here.  Put your pajamas on.  Fine, go to bed naked.

THE ENTIRE DAY goes this way.

So by the time we make it to her room and all things have been negotiated and she may or may not be dressed and may or may not be fed and I have run through all my patience…we sit down to read books.  She knows it is three books but has already began negotiations for 20.  As I read she demands food because she is now hungry even though five minutes prior she had half of a pop tart and crackers. (Thinking I’m ahead of the game)  We read three books and I turn off the light. She turns back on the light to get a Band-Aid because suddenly there is an owie.  Light back off.  Into bed to sing songs. She flails around, farts, demands she has to poop.  Into the bathroom.  Asks again for food. She evil laughs.  Back to bed.  Lights off.  Lights on for socks that we refused when we first came to the room.  Lights off.  Begin to sing songs.  She sings over my singing.  Demands I start from the beginning because she couldn’t hear me over herself.  Cover her up, she kicks them off.  Refuses hug till I make my way to door.  Always at the door, demands hug.  Hand on door knob.  Demands kiss.  Halfway out the door. Begins crying because Wade at daycare pushed her today.  She feels the need to discuss.  I make it out the door.  Turn on monitor.  She announces she needs covered up again.  As I head back out the door it is like she knows I’m going to break so she sweetly says “Gooooooodniiiiiiiight mamma I love you!” Evil laugh.

Nothing about that was fun.  Some have told me to just give in and enjoy it for she will grow up soon enough.  I find zero enjoyment in this.  I’m actually over it.  I give 100% all day and I just want her to go to bed.  Yes, that I love you at the end is fucking precious but I’m ready to go down and workout, to have my own time.  Selfish some may say? Sure.  But it is the cold hard truth.

Anyone else with me?

 

 

15 thoughts on “I hate bedtime with my child

  1. So much this. Last night I felt the exact same way. We still haven’t moved him to his big boy bed nor is he toilet trained, so we have some control over those two things, but you better believe he has his delay tactics as well. I have actually removed reading books from our evening routine to try to cut down time which I feel awful about. But little homie needs to cut out at least 5-8 of the following stall tactics: the drink of water needed because he’s dying of thirst, needing to line his toys carefully along the side of the crib, making sure every stuffed animal in the crib is in the right spot (trust me…every night they are because I know exactly where they all fucking go in order to try to speed up the process), asking for his blanket to be put on then off, needing another hug, wanting to brush his teeth again (which is actually code for wanting to play with his toys in the bathroom sink), needing to “see something” out the window even though it’s pitch black out and he can see fuck all (not even sorry about my swearing….you get it lol), naming all the characters on his mickey mouse night light every single night, needing a certain toy that is outside in the car, needing the dogs in his room then freaking out because the dogs are in his room, needing a hug from daddy (which I can’t say no to because he rarely, rarely asks for love from his dad) and then finally, just as I’m closing the door to his room…he lifts his head up and just says “mommy!” for no reason at all. I peek my head back in and say “sweet dreams buddy. Love you” and he goes “yah” and lays his head down and FINALLY we are off to the land of nod and some breathing room for mom. Not every night involves every single one of these excuses, but we are damn near close. I also have to sing the exact same 6 songs every single night and I have found ways to take parts of the songs out so they are shorter. God help me the day he realizes he’s getting the remix version of the song. I used to love our cuddles in the chair which is usually the final step before into bed and the 6 songs get sung, but now I sit there counting the seconds while he cuddles up and talks about random things and every time I suggest it’s time to get into bed he declares that he needs more hugs. Ugghhh. The rocking in the chair, cuddling moment used to be one of the best parts of the day but it’s been tainted by what happens prior to getting his ass in that chair!

    So…yeah. I feel you! How long do they do this for?? I’m dreading the day we actually let him sleep in the big boy bed we set up in his room.

    1. Oh and I also want to say that he does NONE OF THIS when his dad puts him to bed. So when it takes me 40 minutes to get the kid to bed and I finally come downstairs, Eddie asks me “what took so long?” and I always wish I have something in my hand to throw at him for saying that!

    2. Preach it sista. Seriously. Yes. I have to say switching her to the big girl bed didn’t make a difference. She will keep her ass in it, thank the Lord. Her rocking chair has sadly been out of her room for some time but I suspect I would feel the same as you if it was still in. It seems no matter what system I try before bed to head off as much bull shit, it doesn’t happen. And then as the Mom you have to pick and choose all the battles because if you lose them to a straight tantrum that tacks on the minutes. Whew. Glad it isn’t just me!

  2. Oh yes I remember those moments! My son was never a problem. Went straight to sleep! Daughter OMG pure hell – she would always play possum until her dad went to work (midnight shift) and then would do all of the above you said!! I hated it!!!!

  3. Lol.
    Sorry but I was just chuckling away 🙂 it is brutal and very stressful.

    if it helps, I do the following with my 2 boys for bedtime:

    1) They pick their night time clothes. They get 10 mins to do it, after which mommy will put on whatever she gets her hands on, sometimes even from the laundry pile.

    2) They take a shower, no baths for us, after the shower is done, they get 5 mins to bounce in the shower and play superman, but after that, I simply turn the water to cold. takes them 1 second to rush out.

    3)teeth gets brushed, at which point they are well aware, all that goes down their precious throat is medication or water. No other food.

    4) I dress them, kiss them good night, switch on their night time lamp and say good night, see u in your dreams.

    5) Any screaming, jumping, yelling can happen in the bedroom. (of course their bedroom in AAA+ level toddler proofed). I do not go in to break up a fight either. And if they get out of the bedroom, they are sleeping in the crib (which they hate because who wants to be the baby)

    Don’t bother negotiating with toddlers, they are masters at the game, you cannot crack them. At the end of a hard day, I have zero patience for tantrums, so I stick by my rules.

    Yes, the initial training is hard, but once they realize mommy means business, they mellow down and behave reasonable.

    1. I swear we have tried it all. We used to be firm in our bedtime routine and then it just slowly started going to hell. Probably because the tantrums ramped up. Here is where it gets thrown for a loop. We can let her be in there, throwing her fit but I’m not lying, she can go for hours HOURS with screaming and wailing. I can’t handle that shit.
      You my dear do deserve a medal!

  4. I read a book called “How to talk so little kids will listen”… has cut way down on the repetition and my son will put his shoes on without having to be told 50 times. I usually hate parenting books but that one is gold.

    1. It has saved my sanity because the whole day was just getting ridiculous in terms of how long everything was taking, bedtime included.

  5. I just came across your post after googling “I fucking hate bedtime.” My 3 yr old has been ridiculous at bedtime for months now. Used to go to bed so easily, sleep all night in his own bed and it was glorious. Now it’s a two hour shit show and I’m losing my mind. Please tell me that things have changed for you guys in the last year? I need light at the end of this tunnel.

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