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Over the past week my husband and I have snuck in a little more date nights than normal.  Some of that time spent with other couples, some just alone, some while we were all dressed up and some of it in our sweats.  It had been a few weeks since we really had time together and then there we were, with all this extra one on one time and man, did we soak it up.

We knew last night would be the last bit of time we had with each other until Thanksgiving.  He is set to work every day until the Turkey calls.  So we curled up in a corner booth together, on the same side like those corny couples, in a dark restaurant, with no desire to rush through dinner.  We talked about where we are at and where we are going. Updated our life plans as we saw fit. It was totally not the night we had originally planned but sometimes plans fall apart and it is the unexpected moments that work out the best.

We are rushing as parents, planning the date night and the babysitter weeks in advanced.  This is no different from any other household.  Spontaneity of sex on the kitchen counter gone because hello children and a sister who lives with you.  Spontaneity of anything romantic goes out the window, let’s be honest.  We find our selves talking over the toddler, who never stops talking, while we let the barking dog out the back door.  We make comments in passing and via text but eye contact can be hard-fought when there is a hot dog exploding in the microwave.

So we have to find the moments while we can, without them being planned in advanced.  Even if your husband comes home early for the afternoon.  Or you find yourself dancing in the kitchen, with the music turned up, so that you can’t hear the toddler screaming about joining your dance, while she tugs at us.  It is the peace we find in that 30 seconds when our heads hit the pillow at night and we whisper love you before we drift off.  But sometimes that love you turns into a two-hour, late night talk, just like when we were first dating.

That’s how we make it work.  Not with a planned once a month date night but with every little moment that we don’t take for granted in between those date nights.  The moments we choose balance and grace instead of keeping tally and nit picking.  The moments we truly see the one another.  The moments that we realize this is the life we dreamed of when we pictured getting married and having a family. It isn’t pretty but its our type of pretty messy life.