Tag Archives: baby

Hold your own baby

12 Wednesday Jul 2017

Posted by in Baby, Friends, Kids, Parenting

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A friend of mine recently had herself a wonderful, beautiful, baby girl.  This friend of mine and I go round and round sometimes.  She is the type that I still don’t know why I’m friends with her except to say it has been 12+ years and she is a stage 5 friend clinger.

She recently joined my daughter and I for a lunch out to a restaurant.  I’ve seen her baby a couple of times in her 20 days here on earth.  I happily held her while waiting for our food, my child content to color her menu, while we chatted.  No big deal, aside from the fact that the conversation was a bit all over and was starting to get on my nerves.  Cora’s food came early so I passed the baby back to her mother but the mother shoved her right back at me.  Hold her, cuddle, isn’t it great.  Yes, it is precious holding a baby but my child needs her food set up so take your own kid.

This occurrence, shoving her child at me, kept on.  Hold her, she would demand. She followed me back to my house where I needed to lay my toddler down for a nap and the dog was demanding my attention and she kept shoving that baby at me like it was cocaine.  Listen, I sniffed that baby’s head, I cuddled her, cooed at her but now I have shit to do and my kid needs rocked longer because she has been putting up this new fight when we put her down.

Doesn’t holding her make you want another? You aren’t getting younger.  It was in fact the day of my 35th birthday but thanks for reminding me about my eggs slowly shriveling away.

No, consistently holding your child is actually making my anxiety go through the ceiling because my kid needs me in the other room and the dog is getting worked up because she thinks it is her time since the baby is in said other room “napping.”  So no, it is doing the reverse effect from what you want.  I’m realizing I can’t handle it at all.

Please leave.

She left.

And you know what, this isn’t the first time someone has done this to me! Is this a thing? Shove a baby at someone so their ovaries cry?

I sat and rocked my almost two year old and rubbed the side of her face for 15 minutes until she fell asleep.  Her teeth are killing and she suddenly doesn’t lie down on her own. You know what makes it okay?  I don’t have another child to tend to, aside from the dog, just her.  There isn’t a baby crying in the next room to send my anxiety through the ceiling.  Just her.  We can tackle these hurdles together.

I just literally know that right now, I can’t and don’t want to do it, the second child thing.  I’m cool with that but some apparently aren’t.  So I’m going to go on strike holding other babies.  I can still sniff my own child’s head and it smells good:)

My kid is a binky baby and I don’t care

15 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Baby, Kids, My Family, Parenting

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We are coming around on 17 months in this household and Cora’s two favorite things are her blankets and binkies.  Every time she falls, gets sleepy, needs a cuddle or really any moment, she needs one but prefers both.  Thankfully she isn’t attached to a specific blanket or binky but does love them all.

I wanted my child to be a binky baby.  I seriously hoped that she would not be one to hate them because I wanted the mute button, I won’t lie.  My second reason was because I was a thumb sucker. As in, I was probably 13 before I quit and my Mom tried everything to get me to quit but ultimately, you can’t take that away. A binky you can.  To my happiness Cora took to that binky the day she was born and hasn’t turned back.

I remember around the 9 month pediatrician visit, the doc was discussing getting rid of the bottle and I asked her about her thoughts on the binky.  She told us they don’t get too fussed about getting rid of the addiction till around 2.  She fully believes it helps them and parents get through the teething phase and lord knows the teething phase in our household is anything but fun.  She had a much greater concern over getting rid of the bottle by 12 months which we successfully mastered.

From there, I honestly haven’t given it a ton of thought, my girl and her addiction.  She will play without one during the day and knows they aren’t allowed at the high chair.  She does know where the binky bowl is and is magical at pulling one out of thin air.  Sometimes she likes to chew on two at once. (Teeth!)  At times, when she pops one in her mouth, she has the same look on her face that I do when I take the first sip of wine after a long day.  She certainly requires one for naps, car rides, bedtime and some soothing in between. I’m careful to keep them boiled, replaced when need be, and age/size appropriate.

I have started to have a few comments from people regarding her little attachment.  Perhaps she likes it a bit too much, perhaps we should start getting rid of it now….everyone has an opinion, horror story, advice or made up knowledge on the topic.  Then I realized I am starting to let go of a lot of this “society baby requirement” shit more than ever.  While I thought we were fairly good about letting a lot of it roll off our backs, there are some things I wasn’t as good about.  I’m currently giving zero fucks about her binky situation.  I’m not going to research it, I’m not going to worry about it…nothing.  I’m going to pop one in her mouth tonight if she screams at me, that’s what I’m going to do.

Do I want my kid to be the 3 year old talking around a binky? No.  But the girl isn’t even two yet so can the lady in the grocery store cool her shit just a notch? Just trying to keep her from burning down the house can be exhausting enough!  I figured we will start a 12 step program with her over the summer with a goal of it to be almost gone or gone by the time she turns 2 in October.

Goals I tell you.

What are your binky stories?

 

Halloween in the books

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by in adulthood, Baby, Friends, My Family, Parenting, Uncategorized

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We can officially say we have another Halloween stuffed in the books! It was a whirlwind of a week celebrating because that is how we celebrate things, a full week at a time.  Plus, it is the best way to end my favorite month and we got to do so with unseasonably warm weather in the 80’s.  Score!

We have an annual costume party every year, adults only.  Full of boos, food and baseball on the TV.  This year was a Peter Pan theme which stems from the theme of Cora’s nursery.  Hubby was Captain Hook, I was Peter Pan, Cora was Tinkerbell, Fenway was the crocodile and my sister was a mermaid from the lagoon.  We pretty much nailed it if I do say so myself.  Now don’t go thinking I made those myself.  Nope, not that crafty.  But I can order online with the best of them!

I let Tinkerbell spend one day in her costume running around outside because it was 80 in the Midwest.  Bare feet, wand waving, dog chasing, fairy wings flapping and a big, fat, pumpkin bucket in the other hand.  I could not get enough of it.  She eventually plopped down in her favorite spot, in the mulch, and started digging.  Moments I just ate up.

Another day we took her to the city, downtown, to trick-or-treat amongst the businesses. This is where she managed to sneak her first sucker.  Once she figured out what was under the wrapper it was game on.  It was honestly a bit of a flop but we got out, walked around and made the best of it.

The next day she kept up with us during our party.  Happily turning in circles, in the middle of the living room, till she fell down.  She lasted until 9pm and crashed while we kept going till we were all having costume malfunctions.

Then came the actual day of Halloween. The Husband didn’t have time to change into his costume and my sister could barely mange hers during our party so she opted for a simplified back-up of the devil. We loaded up the truck, with a game plan and headed out.  Obviously, going after the treats at this age is more for the adults than for the wee one.  I get it.  For us, it was fun to get her out and see her reaction.  We took her to places that did a couple of different things such as the fire stations, nursing homes and a few churches.  There was so much going on at each that we killed time, took pictures, ran into friends and didn’t have to get in and out of the car seat a million times.  She chased dogs, stared at costumes, screamed at strangers and climbed fire trucks.  Again, I ate up every moment.  We finished up our night at a bar to grab beers and grub.  Our costumes, tattered and stained, were happily tossed to the side when we got home.

This is what Halloween is now.  These memories.  What you make of it with your family, in your little town, on an extra warm October night.  Nothing spooky, just a lot of candy to over eat, more pictures than what may be necessary, a lot of laughter, and the comfort that we get to do it all over again next year.

 

 

 

Another Child?

26 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Baby, Friends, Kids, Marriage, My Family, Parenting, The Husband

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I didn’t know this was a thing but when you your child turns 1, they are no longer a baby and the tides will turn.  Suddenly, just like the day you were married, your friends and family will take a new interest in your sex life and what might result from that…besides an orgasm. It goes something like this:

  •  You will run into a family member or friend or hell, they may corner you at the 1st birthday party itself!
  • The person will exclaim how quick your child’s first year of life has gone.
  • You will nod your head in agreement.
  • They will then give you that look.  You know that look.
  • Out falls the question, “So, when are you having another one?” or “Isn’t it about time for another one?” or for more options “Are you guys trying for that next one about now?”
  • I eye roll.
  • Fight the urge to say that we had sex on the kitchen counter last night but we were just trying to hurry before my sister came home.
  • My only answer is NO.  Firmly.
  • The person will pout.
  • Then there is this weird, almost attitude that pops out from some, “A lot harder than what you thought, huh?”
  • I bite my tongue so a “fuck you” doesn’t roll off of it and change the subject.

I didn’t know this is where people would really start in on us again.  Every single time the question makes me sick to my stomach.  I don’t want to think about starting from square one.  I don’t want to think about the possibilities and have the 9 months of waiting for something bad to happen.  I’m just not mentally there yet.  I may never be.  I have no idea.

Secondly, this child that I have, doesn’t sleep through the night yet.  We are patiently working our way towards table food.  You guys, we are still in a baby stage if you ask me.  There is still a crib she resides in, an infant carrier she still uses and a 1am bottle we are still fighting.  I have zero desire to add to that anytime soon.  We are at a 2-1 ratio so at least 80% of the time the hubby and I are the bosses.

Thirdly, I’m just enjoying where we are at.  I’m enjoying the stage we are at without having fears in the back of my head to create another one and safely bring it to this world.  I just don’t feel like I want to take anything away from where Cora and I are at right now.

I do have to say, I have people politely ask if the older Cora gets does it make us think about trying for another child soon or at all?  Is it the wording?  Maybe.  Is it their tone?  Probably.  I get the curiosity from people.  I really do.  But this is our lives and I’m really happy with where we are at. I don’t know how I will feel about it down the road or when/if I will want another.  Right now, we are happy and that should be all that matters.

This is 11 months

18 Tuesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Baby, My Family, Parenting, Uncategorized

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Let the mimicking begin! I love this phase.  Cora is becoming more and more interactive by the day.  She repeats words and actions so we really have to watch our pirate mouths around her now.  She has her words she actually knows and then she has her own words for things such as Fenway.  I don’t know how she says it, but we know when she is yelling her own version of the word.  She will stand at the back door and yell for her to come in or come up the steps.  They are just the best of buds.

When she turned 11 months we started getting rid of bottles.  You can read about that here.

She is obsessed with wipes. If I turn my back she will find a wipe container or pull them out of her diaper bag.  She will then go around the house scrubbing everything from the floor to the counters.  I guess that is a good habit for her to pick up.  She also loves to have her own wipe when we change her diaper and she likes to wipe her own business.

She loves cars.  When she was about 9 months old she started making car noises, running her cars all over people and things.  Now it is full blown.  She especially loves to fill up her dump truck and push her important things around in it.  Sippy in back, binky in the cab. Apparently all the kids at day care are also into cars so they sit in a circle and push them back and forth to one another.  Also, it kinda helps daddy drives all these big trucks too!

Every day we go over where our belly button, nose, eyes and mouth are at.  Then one day as I was going over them she stayed one step ahead and pointed them all out to me.  It was a yea, I got this mom, we don’t have to keep talking about it moment.  Now when you ask her where a nose is, you should be prepared, she will aggressively point out your nose.

She has also spent some time perfecting her tantrum as well. I don’t particularly love this phase and I know it will only get worse.  Unfortunately I know she is mimicking the daycare provider’s daughter, who is two, and who has quite the attitude.  Sigh.  This includes throwing herself backwards or forwards onto the floor. Good times.  Picking up bad habits from her friends already.

This month we also had our first code brown situation in the bath tub.  My sister was giving her a bath when we heard the screams for help.  Apparently a side lift happened, she looked right at her aunt and then…floaters.  She was quickly whisked away, dumped in my arms, while the husband was left to Clorox.  Auntie has yet to give another bath.

We have finally moved her into 12 month clothing and I think she has almost hit 19 lbs.  We will find out at her 1 year appointment.  As I finish writing this we are just two days away from her 1st birthday.  These past few weeks have been full of remembering just where we were at last year at this time.  The waiting, the preparation, the bouncing on that damn exercise ball.  And more waiting….amazing how quickly a year flies by versus those 9 months of pregnancy.

 

Family Dynamics

12 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by in Baby, Friends, Having Faith, My Family, Parenting, The Husband

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It is amazing how having a baby changes a family’s dynamic.  Suddenly some family becomes closer to you and your new or growing family.  Sometimes it pushes some family further away.  And then there are other times it just brings out the true colors in the rest.  While we are busy preparing for Cora’s first birthday party this weekend, I am looking back on her first year with all of this family and seeing what she has done for us all.

I have watched my Husband’s parents struggle with their relationship with our daughter.  I think there are several factors that go into this, that with time will get easier.  These are factors though, that I don’t think my Husband or I thought would play such a big part.

Then there are my husbands siblings.  They have more important things to attend to than her baptism, birth or birthday.  They have only seen her very few times, have no relationship with her and don’t know anything about her unless it is posted on Facebook.

On the other hand, I have watched how Cora has brought my siblings and I closer.  My brother called today, as he stood in the toy aisle at Walmart, he was overwhelmed by all the options for a perfect birthday gift.  He didn’t want to screw it up.  Him, his wife, and my nephew drive out more often and join us for more adventures with the kids than they ever did before.

My sister lives with us, so that is a given.

Cora has given my Mom more hope and happiness as we continue to deal with my Dad and his declining Alzheimer’s.

Then there is even more extended family on both sides.  They haven’t made a move to come meet her and for that matter we haven’t made a move to go to them.  Others we have seen more in the past year than we have in the past 5 years combined! It isn’t just about meeting up for the obligatory Christmas dinner anymore because there is a baby to be held on a random day in May!

And then there are the friends we consider family.  The ones that aren’t hesitating giving up their Saturday to attend a 1 years olds birthday party.  (I promised wine though!) These are the ones that Cora also has a relationship with. The ones that lay on the floor with her while she plays whack-a-mole on their heads.  The ones that keep tabs on her.  The ones that ask for more pictures on social media.  (I post too much, I think.)  The ones that are near and far that love her very much and enjoy seeing her grow. The ones that could have distanced themselves from me because they enjoy a kid free life and lets face it, those with babies, can kill a social life.

I’m not pitting this as one family against the other or one friend against the other. I remember when I was pregnant, the hubby and I would talk about the relationships some may have with our child.  You dream about those first meetings after her birth, the holiday get-togethers, the birthday parties.  We eventually had to let all those preconceived notions fly out the window.  They were wrong.  What we have today is a lot of love surrounding us in a way we never could have imagined.  At the end of the day, isn’t that all that matters?

What you don’t see in pictures

22 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Baby, Marriage, Miscarriage, My Family, Pregnant, The Husband

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We sat on the back deck last night, in the dark, soaking in the last night of summer.  I sipped a glass of wine, my husband smoking a cigar, the baby monitor on the table between us.

I had that pressure building in my chest all day.  It started with those memory photos that Facebook so kindly shows you.  It showed me, two years ago, smiling in front of hot air balloons with my sister and Rebecca.  If anyone looked at that photo you would just see a couple of happy, smiling, girls.  That is how Facebook can make you look to the world, like nothing is wrong. If you were to know the truth, I was standing there forcing that smile, hiding my baby bump behind that sweatshirt, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, no make-up on my face because I cried constantly.

I was pregnant in that photo and many others from that day.  Pregnant and carrying a baby whose heartbeat, we had just learned and saw, had stopped.  We went on with our weekend because that is what happens, life goes on and we had to do something to fill the space before surgery was scheduled.

It was just two years ago but the end of summer and change to a fresh season will forever be marked by the loss of our first little girl.  It is hard to just let the day go by.  Several days of pain and waiting, marked in my memories.

So there we sat last night, my husband and I, suddenly I let the tears go.  For him, it is harder to understand.  For him, he looks at the sleeping baby on the monitor and knows everything worked out and it all happened for a reason.  For him, as he said, he didn’t have the physical attachment.  It isn’t that he doesn’t care, he does, but I think for him it is easier to look at Cora and just be okay with it.

For me, I wish I could move on from it and not let it bother me.  I wish it wasn’t such a painful reminder that comes around once a year.  I want to look at Cora and say that she erases that painful time.  But it did happen and from time to time my heart strings get tugged and I’m right back at that place.  It is such a fucked up thing to think if our first little girl made it to this world, we wouldn’t have Cora.  So I can’t wish for one over another.  I feel bad wondering what one would be like today when there is a healthy, little girl, sleeping away in her crib.

There is a baby book at the top of Cora’s closet that was started.  It holds words that I wrote, several ultrasound photos and I bet if you closed your eyes, you can hear the conversations my husband and I already had about that little girls life. Cora’s holds the same starting words, the same ultrasound photo’s but hers keeps going.  The babies that make it and the ones that don’t for reasons we don’t always understand.  For the mamma’s that carry them around in their hearts, wondering what they would be like.

I dried my tears last night, sitting there in the dark.  My husband slowly easing the conversation to something less heavy.  The life we lead because life does move on.  We are looking at swim lessons, planning a first birthday party and easing our family into fall.  I finished my drink, he finished his cigar, we blew out the candles and he gave me a hug.  Grateful for the baby here on earth and the baby in our hearts, the memories will always be there.

 

 

What Did I Do Before Baby?

14 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in adulthood, Baby, Kids, Marriage, My Family, Parenting

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Before I had Cora, I would constantly hear parents, of little ones, say I don’t even remember what life was like before I had my baby! What did I do with all my free time?

First of all, I want to punch people who say that.  Secondly, you remember.  Thirdly, quit saying that.

I remember exactly what my life was like before I had a baby.

I went to the gym much more often and didn’t have to rely on such a fucked up work out schedule.  I could go to a class without finding a babysitter.  I didn’t have to dreadmill it, at 9pm, in my basement.  I didn’t have to stop mid-plank to stop the baby from dumping her bottle on my head.  I didn’t have to quit mid yoga session due to someone waking from a nap.

I drank more wine, then went to bed.  Whether it was wine night with the girls or wine night with my dog or Wednesday.  There was no thought to hey, I should quit drinking now because I will have to get up in the middle of the night/morning/in an hour/at some point with the baby.  Babies don’t care how much you drank the night before and they don’t know what a hangover is.  They will wake up and maybe like to play with every toy that makes stupid noise.

I stayed up way later.

There was more money.  Formula, diapers, wipes, I have no control over ALL the clothes I buy for her, lotion, jar food…the list is endless.  Kids aren’t cheap and mamma likes to travel.

My Husband and I had more sex.  Now we have to be creative, not tired, put the baby down for a nap or not share a hotel room with her.

I read more books. It isn’t like I couldn’t read now but see aforementioned crazy workout schedule that takes precedence.

I went shopping/got manicures/got pedicures/went golfing.  You know, all the fun “out of the house stuff” that now requires a babysitter, child in tow, planning ahead.

There was one less.  Each time you add another person to your tribe, that is one more to work around, worry about, pay for, haul with you, pray for, plan for and everything else.  It takes up brain space, like woah.

Oh, I knew all this was coming.  I wasn’t one of those who didn’t think that.  I’m not complaining, well maybe a little but again, I knew what I was getting myself into.  But to those who exclaim that their child free, former self somehow is now unimaginable-well that is crap.  You think about her when you are wondering just how you are going to wipe up all the poop and keep it from covering both you and the baby.

What free time adventures do you miss Mamma?