Tag Archives: dating

Dating in Today’s World

12 Thursday May 2016

Posted by in Baby, Dating, Divorce, Friends, Marriage, My Family, The Husband

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My sister has recently taken up online dating.  On Match, to be exact.  She has been divorced for a while now, not caring to date but taking the time to piece herself and her life back together.  The dating profile has been a rolling joke on wine night.  Hey, let’s set one up for you!  Then one night she didn’t roll her eyes and instead said Let’s do it!   So we did.  We poured the wine, we looked for the perfect pictures, we had a sober person check our grammar, and  we charged her card $131 for 6 months and we laughed our asses off.  We even called in the Husband to help as he was the only one around who had prior experience in online dating.  Well, I’m not going to lie, the man used it to get laid back in the day.

So this online dating thing is very new to me and I’m fascinated.  It is a full-time job, like looking for a job.  Within days, my sister was getting messages, winks and I’m not sure what the rest of it is called, but things were happening.

One message caught her attention and it was on from there.  And the world is small my friends because long story, short.  He is a friend of several of my friends and works with my ex-husband.  Messages led to texting, led to a first date, more dates and one night she crashed at his place and then last night the man crashed at our place after we sat up late last night, altogether, chatting and getting to know him.

It is interesting watching this path my sister is traveling.  It is fun for my Husband and I to sit on the couch and hear how things are going or look at profiles online with her. It makes us reminisce about our early days dating.  We mention those little moments that changed us, changed our path in life, made our hearts melt.  Everyone knows what I’m talking about.  The early stuff where everything is roses, holding hands gives you butterflies and every text is from a fairytale.

It is nice to be reminded of those precious little moments that built our relationship foundation.  Not that my Husband doesn’t give me butterflies still but it isn’t like it was in the beginning.  Not every text is flirting because sometimes we have to discuss the baby and her recent poop schedule.

My sister’s date came up from the basement this morning, as I was getting ready for work and the baby glared at him, wondering who this stranger was.  He mentioned how he has done the walk of shame many times before but never with such judgment and from a baby no less!  My sister walked him out and all I could think was how lucky boys are because they can go to work the next day in the same clothes and their friends won’t notice.

I’ve watched a lot of my friend’s have amazing online stories that ended with the fairytale.  My sister is well on the path to the same and you can bet I will never let him live down the fact that my sister basically purchased him for the drunk payment of $131.

The Day I Fell More in Love With My Husband

25 Tuesday Feb 2014

Posted by in Marriage, The Husband

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It was 17 degrees out.  It was once again blowing snow and the sky hung above us with an angry gray color.  We were dressed warmly head to toe, the Husband and I, and we had a long day of work in our yard ahead of us.  It was my idea to have the trees cleaned up in this winter dread and my idea to do our own yard clean up instead of paying the guy to do it.  This horrible morning was supposed to turn to blue skies and 50 degrees, which it would but in the start of that morning it didn’t feel that way.

We lined our trucks up next to one another and the Husband started the chainsaw while I started loading my truck bed with limbs.  My hands were already frozen but he wasn’t going to let me leave him to it alone, we didn’t work that way.  We got into a groove, cutting and loading, trying not to slip on the ice patches in the driveway or on the side of the house, minding the dog underfoot.  We hauled to the dump, unloaded and retraced our tracks back home.  Over and over again and mostly in silence.

It was well past noon and we hadn’t eaten anything.  I stopped to give my back a break and shake some life into my tired arms.  I realized the sun had in fact come out and I was actually sweating.  I stripped off a few layers and looked over at my Husband.  For some reason I really noticed him.  I saw the guy sitting across from me at our first date discussing his recent deployment to Iraq.  We sat with such manners lost in conversation for three hours that night but what we didn’t discuss was how we would spend a Saturday three years from then in the cold.  That man took a few dates to hug me and more to kiss me for the first time.  This Saturday he rolled his eyes because I struggled with unloading my truck as fast as him so he came over to help and gave me a quick peck on the cheek as he jumped in my truck.

I remember the first time I jumped into that truck of his on our second date and found a box of cigarettes in the center console.  He quit smoking a week later when I told him there was no way I could date him if he kept it up.  On this Saturday he accidentally backed that truck into a tree and busted his tail light and bumper up.  This time I kept my mouth shut and let him cuss and rant. We didn’t know three years later how many bumps and bruises that truck of his would get.  And I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut a bit more.

By the end of the day we were covered in mud, leaves, snow and sweat.  We hosed off our pickups and sat on our truck beds facing each other trying to decide on how much energy we had to go out for dinner.  All those late nights on the phone when we first met didn’t cover who would wipe the dog shit off the floor mats before going inside to shower.

When I noticed my Husband that day I was stuck on the man I met just a little over three years ago.  The things you don’t talk about when you are on those first dates.  All the unknowns of a life and marriage still ahead of you. The man I slowly, hesitantly, fell in love with was working his ass off next to me and somehow over three short years we became this team.  I stared at him for a few minutes and realized how much more I love him today than I did the day I married him.  Sometimes life gets complicated and we rush through the days but in this day, at the oddest time, I fell in love with my Husband and our marriage even more.  I took pause, I slowed down, and let life sink in around me a bit.  It wasn’t during a trip, it wasn’t a life changing event, it wasn’t romantic but it was the best feeling of happiness and contentment and for that I am grateful.

My Husband Doesn’t Drink but I Do

14 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by in AA, Marriage, The Husband

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When I first met my Husband he mentioned he didn’t drink.  I didn’t quite understand the terms of this as I enjoy my wine to the fullest.  He explained further that he was an AA.  To me, AA was a place where strung out people went in a church basement late at night.  I know, I was clueless.  I knew my Dad was an alcoholic but I didn’t know much more than that.  Here I was about to be schooled on a subject I didn’t know about.

My Husband was a functioning alcoholic.  One who came home from his last deployment and fixed his PTSD with drinking and blew several hundred dollars a week on beer.  He wasn’t a mean drunk or a crazy drunk.  I’ve heard stories from friends but after a DUI forced him to AA he realized his life would probably be better off without the booze.  A few months after that he met me. 

When we met he went to meetings every day and I would be lying if I told you it didn’t bother me.  Our dates were planned around his meetings and I struggled to understand it.  One night we had an in-depth conversation about where he thought he would be with this 2 years from then, 5 years from then.  Would he still need/want meetings every day? It made a difference to me because I didn’t know what it would be like when we had kids and so forth.

Eventually our life went from dating, to a home, to a life together and we got into a routine.  Slowly he stopped going to as many meetings and found a new sponsor.  This wasn’t something I forced him to do but something that he adjusted for his new life style.  He no longer felt the need to work his life around AA or let his life be only about that. 

He has an addictive personality, that is for sure, but he can go with me and my friends to a bar and it doesn’t bother him.  Every now and then he stops into a meeting but our life no longer revolves around them.  I have gained a new respect for the program and laughed when our wedding reception was full of recovering alcoholics and then my drunks ass friends. 

I’m proud that he will  hit three years of sobriety this Friday because I can tell you that this has changed him.  We both know that we would not be together if he was still drinking.  The best part, I always have a DD.  The bad part, he still remembers every crazy thing we did in bed after a night of me having too much wine. 

How Much Baggage Should One Carry?

12 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in Dating, Ex-Husband, The Husband

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When I go on a trip I check bags, there is no way around it.  Those people who bring a carry-on, well, I envy them a bit but then I remind myself that if I suddenly need snow boots on an island then I will probably find them somewhere in my huge bag that may or may not get lost on the way there.  I mainly like to be prepared is all it comes down to.

This happens when you start a new relationship.  Some of your baggage or your old relationship comes into the new relationship. Some of it can actually be seen as good but there is plenty that shouldn’t make the trip at all.  Like my snow boots, totally not necessary, they just take up space.   The question is, how much of your old relationship should you really bring to the new one?

I can say there are some issues I brought to my relationship when I was dating my husband.  While I had dated a lot after my divorce and before  I met the Husband, there were still some things I had to deal with and the only way to deal with them was by being with someone who could help.  Unfortunately my Husband has had to pay for some of the issues I had with my ex-husband. If the Husband really wants to see me in melt down mode he can show up late while I’m standing dressed and ready to go somewhere, a big issue with my ex-husband.  I can’t help it, I recognize why I’m freaking the fuck out but it doesn’t matter. 

Then there are the little pieces of baggage you don’t think about.  Women can relate to over packing to many toiletries which can start taking up space when really you only need a ponytail holder and sunscreen on the beach.  I didn’t care for my new boyfriend to be leaving his toothbrush at my place and don’t even get me started on pajama pants left at the end of MY bed.  Who did he think I was?  It may have been his small pieces but they felt like the took up too much space where my ex-husband’s stuff used to lay. 

There was also the ex-husbands stuff just lying around that felt like literal baggage holding back my new relationship.  Stuff that took time to part with or stuff he just hadn’t come to pick up.  Baggage that needed to be cleared out. 

Thankfully I was dating a patient man who started to lead me down a path that didn’t require me to pack so damn much.  I could leave behind pieces and could start dealing with some of the baggage that I did bring to the relationship, such as trust.  I also knew that with this man I was ready to ditch all of that and move on to a new destination.  While I don’t think it is impossible to move into a new relationship without lugging a few items I think the new person can at least help us unpack a bit.

The truth is, you can’t start a new relationship with your old one not even put into a box.  You have to board the plane, be ready for missing bags when you arrive at your destination and be okay with only the bikini you packed for an emergency in your purse.  The sun will shine no matter what but you have to give it a chance to break through the clouds.