Tag Archives: moving

17 Weeks- Contractors

14 Thursday May 2015

Posted by in Baby, Marriage, Pregnant, The Husband, Uncategorized

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At 17 weeks pregnant I have discovered my tailbone.  Let me explain.  A few weeks ago, my tailbone felt like I had landed on it funny.  I mentioned it to my doc who said that was normal and blamed hormones.  No problem.  Sitting all day, at work, it has progressively gotten worse.  As in, I am reminded daily I have a tailbone, something I didn’t think about often in my pre-pregnancy days.  I’ve been more mindful to get up and walk around more during the day and try to adjust myself a bit more in my chair.  While annoying, it isn’t the end of the world and it is more minor in the evenings as I am on the go more with walks and yoga. Not a huge complaint but the first thing that has really bothered me with this pregnancy.

About a week ago I felt like I finally got a bump and it depends on the time of day with how big I look.  I’ve gained a total of 2lbs and lost my lower abs.  My sister likes to make comments, especially in the evenings, laughing at how weird it is for her to see me with a bit of a belly.  I’ve always had a flat stomach and this cracks her up.  If it was anyone else I would deck them, for her I will let it go:)  Some of my pants seem tighter and I’m a bit self-conscious in tighter shirts right now but I’m not noticeable to people who don’t know I’m actually pregnant.  I can tell you though, naked, I am pregnant, no doubt about it.  But alas I don’t think I can just walk around naked, even though it would be so much easier. Clothes, I have come to realize, are so uncomfortable when pregnant.

I think I can say I have actually felt the baby move this week as well.  My doc asked last week and I felt stupid answering no but she made me feel better saying it wasn’t until she was 22 weeks pregnant (with twins) that she realized what she was feeling.  I will occasionally feel a flip or flutter, more during yoga or when I’m leaning forward, and I’m just going to assume that is baby letting me know it is there.  If not, it is a fart on the move.

At this point I can say we are no closer to being ready for a baby than we were when we first found out.  In fact, some may think, (and have said) we have gone in reverse. The nursery isn’t filling with baby stuff but with loads of my sister’s stuff, as she keeps hauling more stuff in, with anticipation of her big move. We gave in to have contractors come in to do some of the work in the basement as we are just plain under a time constraint and the Husband is working 70-80 hour weeks.  So our house is full of contractors.  And dust.  Lots of dust.  And instead of trips to Babies R Us, we go to Home Depot.  Like, every day.  I should do commercials for them.  It should also be noted that as a pregnant person I am very grateful that Home Depot has very clean, nice bathrooms (Way better than our Babies R Us)  and large carts that I can sit on while my Husband takes forever to make decisions.

To add to the fun we are going through hell to close on our rental house.  That required us throwing a new roof on the damn place, followed by more contractors there to finish a few details.  What I’m saying is my day is filled with contractors, dust, paint samples, floor samples, etc. and not with the ability to think about cribs yet.  I haven’t slowed down and I’m fine with that.  It makes the pregnancy go by faster.

Since the day the Husband and I have met we have always had several projects in the air.  We never do one thing at a time so I guess we are just going to stick with that.  I feel very fortunate I haven’t had to put the brakes on myself yet.  I just drag around more water to drink and some extra granola bars.   Plus, life would feel lame if it was quiet and we just watched the clock tick by for 23 more weeks waiting for baby’s arrival.

 

 

Letting Go of A Friend

03 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Friends, Having Faith, Uncategorized

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Last July I made a very tough decision and cut a dear friend out of my life.  A friend that had been my best friend since we were 14.  We knew everything about one another, we told one another every secret, we grew up together, we watched one another go through some tough times, we even had a lot of sex in between break-ups.

If you would have asked anyone that knew us well, when we were younger, everyone would have told you that we would grow up and get married.  But the thing is, him and I knew that we could never get married due to various reasons.  We became a package deal.  A Will & Grace, if you know that one.  You marry me, I have this guy as my best friend.  You date me, you can’t be jealous of my best friend.  It just worked.  He was apart of my family and I, his.

Then we come to last July.  I can give you a million things that led to this moment but this isn’t about those reasons.  It is about the fact that I was exhausted holding our friendship together.  I was tired of him using me and hurting my feelings.  My daughter was tired of it, my Husband was tired of it.  We all really missed the guy that we knew. Slowly, due to all those various reasons, our friendship was dissolving and while I was fighting to hold onto it, he no longer was but he did actually expect me to.  And then I realized I had to let go.

I sent a text after my final straw moment.  I told him he was being a shit friend and I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I knew he knew everything I was referring to without actually saying it.  He didn’t respond until three days later to tell me Happy Birthday and since then it has been radio silence.  13 days after that I found out I was pregnant.  He knows nothing of my butterfly baby to this day.

While this decision has been brutal, I miss him everyday, it has helped. It was worth it.  Until the moment last week when I received the news that his Grandma passed away.  Under other circumstances I would have driven back home in a heartbeat and been there.  But circumstances are different so I called the local florist to have them send an arrangement to the church with a signed card.  By 3pm that day, radio silence was broken for the first time and he sent me a text.  He thanked me for the flowers and told me he was having a tough time with the death.  I wanted to text all the words I know my best friend needed in that moment, but I stopped myself and I hit delete on the long paragraph. I simply said you’re welcome, I’m sorry and left it at that.  My heart broke more.

I don’t know how long this will last.  I hope not forever.  I honestly, for once, don’t know how to put this one into words.  I’ve tried several time since July.  There is something hard about saying you gave up on someone that you should never have to give up on.  Mainly because I would hope that he would never have given up on me.  I have to assume that he will come back around one day when he is ready.  Sometimes we just have to let the ones we love go.

We are so close to closing

13 Friday Sep 2013

Posted by in Home Building, Marriage

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Come Monday we are closing on our house.  With fingers crossed, prayers, a visit to a priest, candles lit and whatever else we come up with for luck-we will close.

Last week I was talking to a friend of mine who happens to be a psychic.  Yea, the real kind.  He reminded me that sometimes things are just meant to push us to the edge to remind us just how far we can go.  He told me to push one more time.  Be assertive one more time.  Hold on, that it would all work out.  So we did.  I threw out one more email, my husband made one more phone call.  When the push back and fights came from the builder we chose to be zen and hold onto faith instead.  You know what?  It worked.

We finally felt those scales tip in our favor.  Just enough for us to grab a hold and pull, no thanks to our builder.

After 11 months from the Hubby breaking ground and a month after moving in we will close on our first home.  The funny thing, Monday would have been my ex-husband’s and I’s 7th wedding anniversary.  The Hubby and I find this a bit amusing.  A new way to celebrate that day with a positive spin.

Send the good juju my way.

What doesn’t kill your marriage makes you stronger

04 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Having Faith, Home Building, Marriage, The Husband

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Before we began building our house people would tell us how they would never build with their spouse again.  They would say how much they would fight over hardware and tile selections, how it would make them crazy and about killed their marriage.  Somehow we came through without those major hurdles that others seem to have.  Perhaps we were just riding the wave of our dream.  Until this recent situation came along and knocked us on our asses.

I have to say out of everything that has happened I’m truly grateful for the fact that we have a strong marriage.  There have been times when the husband has lost it and I have held him up and brought him home oreos.  There have been times where all I could do was sit in a heap and cry while he found positive words and poured me wine.  So far we have yet to lose it at the same time.  If there was a situation that could test your marriage, this is certainly it.  I could see how easily it would be for couples to turn on one another at a time like this but we have turned and leaned on one another even more.

We have no normal right now in our marriage.  We are exhausted everyday.  We eat dinner late, if we even eat together.  We are constantly trying to not forget the basics to get through the day.  What used to be second nature to us now takes thought in our everyday life and that can be time consuming.  Forgetting to set the trash out can cause meltdowns if one isn’t careful.

But we realize things could be worse.  Originally Husband was scheduled to  be on active duty for the month of August.  I could not even imagine going through the past month with him thousands of miles away.  That baby we have been wishing for? Well, had we gotten pregnant right away we would have a newborn thrown into this mix.  I’m sure we will look back and see how everything worked the way it has for a reason.

So at night I could go to bed angry at everything but I still thank God for the husband.  I thank God that I have support and someone to lean on.  I’m grateful that I have a husband that will take over when I just can’t make another phone call or send another email.  That is what being married is all about though, right? A teammate in life.  I friend to hang in there with you.  Someone to hold your hand when there are really no words left to say.  Because at the end of the day we may not know where we are living in 12 days but we do know we are living with each other and that is a start.

Inside These Walls

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by in Ex-Husband, Home Building, Kids, Marriage, The Husband

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We were suppose to move out of this apartment and into the new house mid-May.  Well, here it is late June and we are still in the apartment looking at an early August move.  After nine years of being in this place I’m out of patience and I don’t feel like I can tolerate one more minute, let alone a few more weeks. 

My landlord called the other day and asked if he could start showing my apartment.  I have the biggest apartment in town and word is spreading like wildfire for people who want this place.  For some reason this all gave me new perspective.  For the first time I realized someone else was going to be in my home.  As much as I can’t stand this place any longer, there has been so much life inside these walls, so many memories.  Do the people moving in realize how much life happened here?

It has felt odd to know strangers are moving around my place during the day.  Do they know that I kissed my husband for the first time on the living room floor, he told me he loved me for the first time in the middle of the dining room, the Christmas tree has sat in the corner every year and Rebecca rode her pink bike up and down the hallway when she turned 8.  I’ve locked the front door several times as I’ve headed out on vacations that have changed my life and I’ve heard it slam several times in heated arguments with my ex-husband.  I danced with my ex-husband countless times in the kitchen and I’ve laid on the kitchen floor more times than I can count while I have cried.  I’ve had sex with my husband on the kitchen counter and ignored dinner cooking in the stove.  I’ve walked the hallway consoling babies and seen countless forts built in every room. I can tell you where wine has been spilt from parties and dents made in the walls from pushing furniture back for even better parties. 

These walls are full of our laughter, tears, good times, bad times, and memories of growing up and moving on.  As much as I’m ready to move out it is starting to hit me that I will no longer see what time has left behind in the markings on the wall but I will only have the memories as someone else moves in to make their own marks.  I hope this place doesn’t just leave the next tenants with spider bites and a desire for a bigger kitchen but some moments in time that are worth more than the high utility bills. 

Simplifying our Life

24 Wednesday Apr 2013

Posted by in Home Building, My Family, Uncategorized

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We don’t have a close date on our new house yet but we know it should be sometime in June.  I have a garage sale planned for May and have started that pile which has turned into an entire room full.  Nine years ago I moved in here with my ex-husband thinking we would be here, at the most, one year, which obviously wasn’t the case.  Now I’m completely ready to move into  a place with the Husband that is all ours but in order to do that some things must go.

I am the furthest thing from a hoarder but I realized I have still accumulated a lot of shit in the past nine years.  My goal for moving is that really, all of it must go.  Everything. There are a few things I hold sentimental value to but not much.  We will eventually replace all of the furniture, pots and pans will be replaced with wedding gifts that have been in storage.  I am not even saying everything should be brand new but I am saying we need to simplify ourselves. 

The rooms in the new house will be empty and I don’t want to go buy the latest fad to fill them.  I want to slowly fill them with what our family is about and things from our travels.  I don’t think Rebecca needs eight of the same toy and I can get rid of the empty picture frames under the bed.  I don’t need things that will collect dust on a shelf nor do we need that mixing bowl that never gets used.  And really who actually uses a waffle maker because we sure haven’t opened the box.  It is more like an everything must go sale.

While we are having a house built, it won’t be a home over night. Life will slowly turn it into a home but that doesn’t mean I want to fill it with clutter.  I want to fill it with the things that we need most not things we think we want at a moments glance.  I want to simplify our lives.