My Baby on Social Media

There was a small situation that came from Cora’s first birthday party, involving social media and well, my child.  Let me preface this by saying, I’m not to bothered by people posting photos of her.  Everyday I post a photo of her on Instagram (private account) and occasionally on Facebook. We have a lot of family, all over, that love to see her photos and they will let me hear about it if I miss a day.  So in general, I’m not bothered.

The day of her party we obviously took a ton of pictures and then tossed our phones to the side when we weren’t using them.  I’m not one to post photos of an outing/event until later in the evening or after said outing/event because I’m enjoying the moment.  No big deal.  However, at one point during her birthday party, my Husband waved his phone at me to get me to look at my own phone.  He was pointing out that our Facebook was blowing up with notifications.  Someone at the party was already posting pictures of Cora.  Cora with them, Cora eating her first cupcake, Cora opening gifts.

Later that evening, with just a few friends left, we were drinking and someone brought it up.  The friend that posted them has some boundary issues and I realized all over again I was flat out hurt by this and it takes a lot to hurt my feelings.  I wanted to post her first birthday photos first.  Then others could.  That seems to be a general understanding amongst my friends with kids but not with her.  For the record she has three of her own kids.  There are moments that I want to be the one to put the photos out there first. Is it petty?  Maybe.  But once again, the boundary lines are tough with this person.  So I think it is compounding.

There was something else to it too.  My Mom didn’t get a single photo with Cora that day.  Cora isn’t a big fan of people and hates to be pushed to sit with people.  Obviously it was an overwhelming day.  No one fought her for a photo, including my Mom, except for this friend.  So congrats, you posted a photo, with my child, on her first birthday, in a moment that you bribed her for, but my Mom didn’t.  It just nagged at me.  So much so that my Husband then posted something to Facebook, which is very unlike him, and all hell broke loose.  I made him take it down and she texted me knowing damn well it was about her.

So I explained to her that my feelings were hurt and apologized for the Facebook post and so forth.  Long story short, she must have missed the point completely.  In fact, I know she did.  The problem being, she likes to hijack my life.

There was a time, before I had Cora, I took a break from Facebook.  It was life changing.  I wish it were that easy now.  I then would feel bad for the family that is only on there and not on Instagram.  We are talking the grandparents, great aunts and uncles, second cousins and people who truly look forward to the videos and pictures.  This is their way of seeing her grow up and isn’t it great that we live in a time that they can see this!  It does come with us price though.

But seriously, give me my moments with my kid first.  Is that too much to ask?



What I learned from giving up Facebook for a month

Along with my many goals for 2014, I decided to give up Facebook for the month of January.  By giving myself just one month I didn’t feel like it was forever so the commitment to such a change wasn’t very scary.  New Year’s Eve, when the clock struck midnight I promptly deleted the app from my phone and said no more. I can honestly say I didn’t have any slip ups but did go on twice to answer private messages that were sent by a friend.  Several things came from this little experience.  Some I wasn’t surprised by and some I was.

  • The first few days I realized just how much I clicked on FB and I honestly didn’t think I had done that so much in a day.  I would grab for my phone waiting in line some place or go to click on it on my desktop when bored at work but I would have to stop myself.  What would I do while standing in line now?  I spent much more time noticing my surroundings once I shoved my phone back in my purse.  Or I spent much more time accomplishing the task at hand without getting so sidetracked.  Suddenly I was gaining all these little minutes back in the day that I was previously throwing away.
  • I had some friends that were promptly annoyed and unsure how to handle me NOT being on FB.  “Can I tag you?”  “What if I send you an invite?”  “How will you know what is going on?” The list of concerns went on and on.  I would shake my head thinking this was the exact reason I needed a break from it all.  People really do have friendships without FB in this world and I certainly could.  Could my friends though?  Apparently, yes.  People would send me texts or (shock!) pick up the phone and just call me.  There were words of “Miss seeing you on FB! Wanted to see what you were up to.”   “I know you won’t see this pic on FB so I’m texting it to you.”  And let me tell you how much more I appreciated that picture of their kid that was sent via text instead of in a rolling scroll of FB updates.  I knew giving up FB would change how I approached things but I didn’t think it would do the same for my friends. How cool.
  • I went out and bought Thank You cards.  Did you know there is still a whole aisle of options of them at Target? I sent hand written thank you’s and grabbed Hallmark cards for upcoming birthday’s for that month.  There was no easy route of throwing up a comment on someone’s wall and calling it good.  No, I wanted to do more because who doesn’t like something fun in the mail? You know what that prompted?  More actual phone calls of “How cool, you sent a card! How are you?”  Much better than a notification saying they liked my comment!
  • Being FB free truly helped me clear the clutter and noise that was in my life which was my main purpose.  I’m really trying to focus on positivity this year and living in the moment.  It is no secret to anyone these days that if you unplug your life, then you find a bit more happiness. I didn’t miss the passive aggressive status updates, the lunch updates, the tagging in at some exotic destination or anything else.  When I got rid of the noise from a person I knew back in High School, I just felt calmer. We all know that there are a lot of positive statuses on FB but there is a lot of downright meanness and negativity.  I just wanted to worry about myself in that moment.
  • The thing I missed the most from FB was the pictures.  Which made me realize the obvious reason I like being on Facebook and I don’t know if I knew that prior to this experiment. The picture from a first birthday cake attack or from a vacation that had long been planned.  I have an Instagram account that I love but so many friends are not on it.  If they were all on there then I would honestly not feel the need to be on FB anymore.  I know I have family that lives far away wanting to see pictures of my dog with her cone of shame because it is too funny NOT to see.  Facebook is just the only means to share that with everyone.

So, what have I done with myself now that January is over?  While I wish I could say I didn’t re-install the Facebook app back on my phone when the end of the month hit, I did.  Mainly to update pictures.  I can say that first day back on it I scrolled for about 15 seconds before I realized I didn’t want to waste my time and logged back off.  There it was still… the clutter, the noise, the competition.  I did go through my friend’s list and deleted quite a few people.  The ones that made me roll my eyes often or the ones that I met once 8 years ago didn’t need to bring clutter to my life.  The good thing is now I don’t reach for my phone to check for updates and I’m limiting myself to looking at it just once a day.  Old habits are easy to fall back into and I just don’t want to go back there. I like the change.

We all have a love/hate relationship with social media in general and it isn’t going away.  It is a great means of communication but you have to find a balance with it in your life and this was my chance to do so.  I was still on Twitter and Instagram  during this time but I have a different relationship with those two apps.  I don’t get the same negative emotion from them like I do Facebook.  And when you aren’t checking one app then you tend to not check the others as much, which means much more looking up and around at the life happening right there in front of you.  No matter how many more forms of communication come about, living life in the moment will always win.