20 Weeks – Confession from a Pregnant Woman

We had a long, tough road to get to this point in our lives, 20 weeks pregnant, halfway done.  I am very grateful that I was able to finally get pregnant and we pray for a healthy baby at the end of this pregnancy.

However, I have to tell you the truth, a truth I knew would always happen to me, I hate being pregnant.

There, I said it.  Go ahead, judge and tell me how people would kill to be in my position, I know, I was one of them.  Many women out there would trade a million trips to the bathroom and added pounds to be able to carry their own child, I hear that.  Which is why for many weeks I felt very guilty about this but I refuse to now.

I remember a friend of mine, who is the Mom of 4 boys, told me that whenever I got pregnant she would not be jealous that we would be having a baby but she would be jealous that I would be pregnant.  She loved that part.  She misses that part.  I remember wrinkling my nose at her and wondering if I was missing something.  I thought that maybe my mindset would change once I did become pregnant yet here I am, not blissfully loving every magical moment and that is saying something considering I think I’ve had an easy pregnancy.  I’ve come to learn that if most women are honest, they will tell you they either fall into the camp of loving pregnancy or not loving it.  We see what side I fell on.

I get that it is this amazing time, it is magical, and your body does this crazy cool thing called growing a human but it all weirds me out.  I don’t love my body changing.  I don’t love sharing space to grow my human.  I don’t like that I can only see half of my abs.  I don’t like that I can’t have wine or rum.  I don’t like people staring at my boobs, my bump or asking strange questions.  I don’t like restrictions, people telling me to sit, people carrying shit for me or treating me like I’m fragile.  I don’t like that I have to get over my fear of public bathrooms and you know, use them, because, all the pee.  I hate when my body says enough is enough and I have to sit so I don’t push it to far when my limit used to go way beyond that.  Don’t even get me started on maternity clothes or how sex is so different.

I look on Pinterest and scroll through my Facebook and think how beautiful all these weekly bump and maternity pictures are.  However, it was like pulling teeth for me to take one at 18 weeks and post it to Facebook.  I know if I don’t do some of these pictures, I will regret it.

I hate not knowing what exactly my body will be when this is said and done or even what it will be three weeks from now.  You can tell me your story of your body, your vag, your boobs, your experience but guess what, in the end, everyone is different.

You can call me selfish, vain, anything else and the truth is, you are probably right. It goes beyond that though.  I am a very balanced person that is pretty in tune with my body because I have had to learn to be.  So when things are changing on me daily, I don’t feel balanced.  I feel like I have no control.  Your body takes over control in a crazy way and you are basically screwed.

I want to embrace this time in my life, I truly do.  I know it is all worth it in the end and it goes by quickly.  I’ve found that by just acknowledging that I won’t find this to be the most magical time of my life helps. I’m just not that person and that is okay.  Someone else can fill those shoes.  I don’t need the pressure on me, along with everything else, to fake that I am so very in love with this time in my life.  It will be over in 20 weeks and one day again, a few years down the road, I bet I will get baby fever.  When I do, I will do this all over again because the squishy baby at the end is worth it but for now I’m going to sit here and think about all the wine and rum that is missing me.

 

23 thoughts on “20 Weeks – Confession from a Pregnant Woman

  1. I can completely empathize with this post. I hate pregnancy as well. I hate (almost) everything about it. For the most part I keep my hatred of it between me and my husband, because I know so many people would pass judgment on me for not loving every second of this. But it isn’t fun. Or as I say, “It’s a no fun party for one person”.

    One thing I can confirm for you though is that once you start feeling your little one moving around in there it becomes a little surreal and that will be something you will enjoy. It’s almost the only thing I enjoy about it. I’m 31 weeks along and the little guy has turned himself head down for the big show, and now I get hard head butts to the stomach and bladder, which isn’t so enjoyable, but still very weird to experience. But, besides enjoying the movements of your baby, pregnancy still sucks lol.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing! I started feeling her movements a few weeks ago, which is very surreal and also very reassuring. That is about the only thing I enjoy right now. 🙂 I love your “No fun party for one person” that is the truth!

  2. I love being a mom (most of the time) but I have hated being pregnant with both of my kids. If a mom to me says she likes being pregnant I find it suspicious and makes me questions their sanity. The upside eat what ever the hell you want. Best wishes.

  3. The only thing I’ve liked about pregnancy is seeing how much my baby has grown at ultrasound scans and feeling him move. From puking to heartburn to bloat to nothing ever fitting right, I don’t know how women enjoy pregnancy. I’m trying to find the joys in small moments but feeling like shit truly makes pregnancy the shits!

    1. And you have had a much tougher pregnancy! I don’t know how you do it! I am with you, find joy in the small moments. Seeing how much they have grown is definitely cool! Who knew our bodies could be so productive:)

  4. hi! I love your post! I started reading more but I’m at work and can’t wait to get home to read some more! I just want to thank you for being real about your pregnancy I bet you you said most or all things other women are thinking! And shame on anyone who judges. Keep it up and I can’t wait to read more!

    Thank you

  5. Hi! I just wanted to say how great you are for saying everything almost every women doesn’t dare to say. Not everything is peaches and cream! And anyone who judges shame on them. Can’t wait to read more of your posts!

    1. Thank you so much! I’m not really into sugar coating things. Plus, no one cares to read about that:) Thank you for reading and I hope to see you around!

  6. ‘but why is the rum gone!’ LOL that is the best line. but I know I would seriously hate pregnancy too, even if worth it in the end. I say feel what you need to feel, get it OUT and embrace as much as you can and the rest will take care of itself xoxo

  7. I was REALLY looking forward to being pregnant. I thought it would be so much fun to have people open doors for you, and treat you nicely just because you’re pregnant. But so far, I haven’t loved it. Not exactly hating it, but definitely not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. I’m uncomfortable. My boobs are the size of melons. Nothing fits well. I don’t feel like ME.
    And no, I can’t have a glass of wine to unwind. Damn it.

    1. Amen to that sista! “I don’t feel like me.” Nailed it on the head. As always, TV and everything else makes it look so amazing. I thought I was missing something in my pregnancy but I don’t think so. Counting down to the wine!

  8. I think if women let themselves be more honest, every one of them would relate to your post. We are somewhat pressured to be happy that we are taking on a new form and no longer have control. That’s not the happy part! Actually it pretty well sucks! A baby at the end is what it’s all about.

    1. Thank you so much! I do think women should feel more comfortable with being honest. I don’t want to complain the whole time, it isn’t about that, it is just the general feeling of “I’m totally fine not doing this.” End goal-healthy baby and glass of wine:) Thanks for reading!

  9. Seriously I think the women who love being pregnant are just freaks! Happy for them and all but…I hated being pregnant every single time. There was this little 3 week window in the middle where I didn’t feel sick. It is the only time that I was OK (just OK, not happy) with pregnant.

    My boobs get grotesquely large (from day 1) which doesn’t help either.

    I do believe if you don’t gain much weight and you are young your body will recover quite well. However, I can tell you having a kid at 40 is a bad idea though; your skin is not so elastic as it was in your youth. I had 3 kids and still had killer abs but the last one decimated my skin so no more abs for me. 😦

    I am just like you on the control stuff too. I hate feeling like stuff is out of my control. And it used to drive me crazy when people would treat me all fragile. Now that I am older though…..I love when people do shit for me. I am just old and lazy now!

    1. Oh Judi you crack me up! Seriously, just laughed at the freaks comment! And thanks for your honesty. I’ve heard many people say that the older they were with their pregnancy the more annoying it was. It is like drinking when you are 21 vs. 31. Two different hangovers there:)

  10. Thanks for the like on my blog about not wanting to get pregnant again after my first! You’re fine just the way you are. People seem to confuse how you feel about pregnancy with how you’ll feel about your kid. That’s like confusing the wedding day with the marriage. You’re half way there and that’s something! Soon this will all be a dim memory 😉

    1. I love this comment. Such a great way to compare it. You are so right, your wedding day is completely different from your marriage just as your pregnancy is different from the next 18 years of a kid in your house! Thanks!

  11. i totally agree with you on this topic. i didn’t enjoy it much. i worried a lot. I had reallllly bad back ache which meant I could barely walk in the last month. I found it all rather odd. Don’t feel bad to admit it. we should all be more honest about the downsides x

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