Monday afternoon I sat in the rocker in the nursery, rocking Cora to sleep with her bottle. There was no fight, she was tired. Her eyes were closed as she drank herself into another world of contentment. I sat, slowly rocking the chair, and looking out her window to our front yard. I realized I loved the way the tree shaded our front yard in the afternoon. Something I don’t notice on the weekends. I loved how quiet our neighborhood was during the week. I watched the butterflies chase each other in the wildflowers on the front bank. I looked down at the baby as she pushed the bottle away, shoved her binky in her mouth and settled, fast asleep, in my arms.
I sat there for awhile just being and watching the world, loving the calm moment. Eventually I realized it was either I was going to fall asleep or I should get up and continue chores. I slowly laid her in the crib and slipped out of her room.
That moment, that is why I knew I couldn’t go back to work full time. That quiet moment in my house, in her room, slowing down, and just enjoying the moment. That was what I was looking forward to when I was pregnant.
The weekends are full of great moments too but these are the moments, her and I, on our own schedule and in our own world, that I love. Those extra two days during the week are something I would never want to give up and it is time I will never be able to get back with her.
The funny thing is, she woke up 90 minutes later, a complete monster, who needed another nap, and made me want to pull my hair out. That is called God giving me balance. Can’t have too much of a good thing.