The Big “D” Talk

One of the worst days of my life was when I had to sit next to my then husband and tell our then seven-year old that we were getting a divorce.   A conversation that will forever change your child’s life.  A memory that will forever be stuck in their head.  An evolution that can shape how they see relationships in the future.  Sure, I might be being a bit dramatic but ask anyone whose parents were divorced when they were children.  It changed them. 

Yesterday I felt like I was thrown back in time.  I had to sit Rebecca down once again and explain that her Aunt and Uncle would no longer be married.  Per Rebecca’s normal she was quite and then pointed out something over my head to change the subject.  I waited a few hours and then asked her if she wanted to talk about it.  The flood gates opened up. She had heard me on the phone and had questions.  She wanted to know about her Uncle and if he was okay in the hospital.  She wanted to know where Aunt Aspen was staying.  She wanted to know more about PTSD, knowing that my Husband has it and does that mean we will get a divorce too?  And what happens if he gets deployed again and his PTSD gets worse?

So went a 30 minute conversation about what soldiers go through.  You could say I don’t leave much out for this 11-year-old.  I don’t sugar coat and I don’t lie.  The world we live in is tough and I don’t want her to be naive.  And these are two tough topics. 

I worry everyday about how all of this will affect her future relationships.  I worry about how she will see marriage and view divorce.  All I can do is be open and honest with her about what comes at us in life.  I sure as hell don’t want to have another divorce conversation with her.  So we off set that with the fact that her other Uncle (my brother) is getting married next weekend to a wonderful woman and that will be a happy ever after if there ever was one.